What do you do if you find this grimoire in your crush's room?

22 days ago by JimHollow to c/humor

Egonallanon 52 points 22 days ago

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Fuckfuckmyfuckingass 5 points 22 days ago

Strap yourself on?

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pitiable_sandwich540 3 points 21 days ago

No, thats her job.

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Manjushri 25 points 22 days ago

Marry her. True love will follow.

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renamon_silver 9 points 22 days ago

Men can practise witchcraft too

path: 0 25922630 25924443, hotness: undefined, score: 9, children: 2
Manjushri 5 points 22 days ago

Well now, there's a thought. We even come with a nearly inexhaustible supply of the primary material component for the spell too.

path: 0 25922630 25924443 25925245, hotness: undefined, score: 5, children: 0
Master 4 points 21 days ago

Hell yea brother. She tried to dominate you but you control the source! Draw a pentagram on her lower back to lock her in!

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voxthefox 23 points 22 days ago

Brace for the wild ride

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neo2478 22 points 22 days ago

Help her with supplies for her spell obviously

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FRYD 16 points 22 days ago

Ask them about it. That’s a wild title and it’s a well worn book. There’s gotta be some interesting stories behind it.

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GraniteM 15 points 22 days ago

Significantly less threatening than this book:

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OldChicoAle 2 points 21 days ago

Yum yum in the tum tum

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Lushed_Lungfish 13 points 22 days ago

I heard there was a grimoire and came as fast as I could.

path: 0 25931039, hotness: undefined, score: 13, children: 1
Funkt4st1c 8 points 21 days ago

Funny you should mention that, i have a book here that may help us with those results

path: 0 25931039 25932806, hotness: undefined, score: 8, children: 0
TIN 12 points 22 days ago

Why is the witch in the cover art pouring a black liquid into the goblet? Is that... Should it look...

Guys, have I been doing this wrong??

path: 0 25923604, hotness: undefined, score: 12, children: 1
SoupBrick 7 points 22 days ago

It's what happens if you eat too much black licorice.

path: 0 25923604 25925247, hotness: undefined, score: 7, children: 0
BaraCoded 12 points 22 days ago

I'll have a chuckle, then I won't mind it, because it's a crush so my judgment is impaired. Time will pass, and from one shitty tarot reading to yet another zodiac tantrum, not forgetting about the lithotherapy pushes, I will slowly come to see that my partner has an output on reality that is completely disconnected from said reality, in which I will feel lonelier and lonelier, until I'm not even feeling like I'm in a couple anymore: I'm the companion of a child in an aging body who has to believe in the magical to cope with the world, instead of being in it with me.

If it's all steming from traumas, I'll first try to have the partner consult a therapist.

If it's not, this couple is over. There is no difference between that and AI psychosis. Same with religious partners.

path: 0 25922433, hotness: undefined, score: 12, children: 1
Ilovethebomb 0 points 21 days ago

I'm sorry for whatever happened to you.

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Maestro 10 points 22 days ago path: 0 25922733, hotness: undefined, score: 10, children: 2
Karjalan 3 points 22 days ago

How is it possible that this has Zero reviews?

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spiffmeister 4 points 21 days ago

Be the change you want to see.

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Themosthighstrange 10 points 22 days ago

Guys wallet, guys lighter so therfore guys semen book. There are no girls in this storey

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boonhet 7 points 22 days ago

What's a guys lighter?

path: 0 25929826 25930482, hotness: undefined, score: 7, children: 1
Themosthighstrange 3 points 22 days ago

I assume a dark color like black and not something pink, but i dont speak for all men some guys might perfer pink bics

path: 0 25929826 25930482 25930913, hotness: undefined, score: 3, children: 0
MrOtingocni 9 points 22 days ago

Bust a load on the cover and close the drawer.

I'm a helper!

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FlexibleToast 9 points 22 days ago

That sounds like you're in for some incredible sex with maybe an unstable person.

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Tarquinn2049 9 points 22 days ago

Realize how desperate she was and that explains why she settled for me and maybe we'll actually have a long-lasting relationship where I don't have to be worried every day that it'll finally be the day she figures out she is too good. Also maybe participate in any rituals that sound fun.

path: 0 25925854, hotness: undefined, score: 9, children: 0
theblurstoftimes 8 points 22 days ago

Everybody who’s ever seen “What We Do in The Shadows” knows witches are semen stealers.

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hanrahan 7 points 21 days ago

Why don't they leave these in the draws in hotels instead of bibles ?

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RBWells 7 points 21 days ago

As a heterosexual woman, I would certainly be confused. I would read it, though.

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hOrni 6 points 22 days ago

Buy it, read it, bond with her over our mutual love of books.

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shininghero 6 points 22 days ago

Read it, obviously. There's bound to be all sorts of wacky shit in that tome.

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dumples 5 points 22 days ago

I'm married to a witchy women. It's great. Green flags all around except I have never seen that book specifically but looks like fun

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AceFuzzLord 5 points 22 days ago

No need to worry. They're probably desperate for either a loving partner or some other long term relationship. So I might have found a potential red/green flag.

path: 0 25929047, hotness: undefined, score: 5, children: 0
Ilovethebomb 4 points 21 days ago

I know everyone is having fun with this, but the actual answer for me is to get out of dodge. That's a flavour of crazy I don't feel like dealing with.

Besides, getting a man to like you isn't that difficult.

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ChicoSuave 4 points 22 days ago

Talk about consent, set some boundaries, then ask which one I can help with because I'm interested in learning more. This mutual desire to explore strange things is probably why we got together and got to know each other in the first place.

path: 0 25925472, hotness: undefined, score: 4, children: 0
jefmz 4 points 22 days ago

I’d definitely ask her about it first 😂 That’s one book I wouldn’t pretend I didn’t see

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Sv443 3 points 21 days ago

I guess we'd be summoning the Chinese cum yokai

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DarrinBrunner 3 points 22 days ago

Steal it and sell it on ebay, along with everything else I can get.

If she's your "crush" it's not reciprocal. It's better to face that fact and move on, but no reason you can profit.

Her fault for letting her stalker in her house.

path: 0 25922751, hotness: undefined, score: 3, children: 0
turdburglar 3 points 22 days ago

take them on a date to see obsession

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Heikki2 3 points 21 days ago

How does a vasectomy affect the spells?

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PieMePlenty 2 points 21 days ago

Ask her if she has everything she needs in the book and if she has enough stock.

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BeMoreCareful 2 points 22 days ago path: 0 25922524, hotness: undefined, score: 2, children: 0
prettybunnys 2 points 22 days ago

I’d question why Mr.bunnys is doing semen-Magiks without me

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LovableSidekick 1 point 9 days ago

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jesuisatire 1 point 22 days ago path: 0 25923664, hotness: undefined, score: 1, children: 0
sixtoe 1 point 22 days ago

10rule

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zabadoh 1 point 22 days ago

It clearly worked, because she's your crush!

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bcgm3 1 point 21 days ago

Lobster font has become endemic, it's truly everywhere.

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phoenixz 1 point 21 days ago

Crush harder

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DebatableRaccoon 0 points 21 days ago

Make sure to not leave so much as a hair in her place when you bail. She's the type of crazy to put a curse on you... or try, at least.

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