Cleared of all charges

3 years ago by The Picard Maneuver to c/microblogmemes

prowess2956 120 points 3 years ago

It's such a satisfying victory (that cannot be celebrated or even brought up again)

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wizzor 52 points 3 years ago

The only correct way to bring it up, is to hand make your wife a beautiful shoe storage rack.

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prowess2956 26 points 3 years ago

This guy husbands

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GBU_28 19 points 3 years ago

It's just for you and a nice gaze at the horizon. Perhaps with a morning coffee

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Anticorp 16 points 3 years ago

That's when you give her a knowing gaze and say mmhm... and then walk away and avoid her until she stops wanting to murder you.

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expatriado 73 points 3 years ago

oh, the moment she realized you were wearing her shoes

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Emerald 27 points 3 years ago

Image Transcription: Twitter Post


no more, no less, @42_words

my wife yelling at me about the shoes all over the floor by the back door and then her suddenly stopping mid-WORD as she realizes that all the shoes are hers might be the single greatest moment in my life thus far

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Nelots 21 points 3 years ago

didn't notice the name until seeing this, that is indeed 42 words.

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peyotecosmico 26 points 3 years ago

Now someone post the follow up where she twists it to make it his fault anyways

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macrocephalic 18 points 3 years ago

If I didn't have to do X then I'd have time to put my shoes away (while sitting on the couch doomscrolling insta)

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picnic 21 points 3 years ago

Did you count the words?

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Sotuanduso 14 points 3 years ago

I did. If "mid-WORD" counts as one word, we're good.

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PoolloverNathan 7 points 3 years ago

"mid-WORD" is two words, but one WORD.

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Sigh_Bafanada 3 points 3 years ago

one word all lowercase FOURWORDSALLUPPERCASE

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Emerald 4 points 3 years ago

Indeed. Depends on if you are going by English word or word-processor word count.

Edit: Well I guess mid is more a prefix then a word. This is a conundrum indeed.

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Sotuanduso 4 points 3 years ago

ChatGPT says it's 33 words, so...

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Emerald 7 points 3 years ago

LibreOffice Writer says it's 42 words, so...

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RickyRigatoni 2 points 3 years ago

chatgpt literally can't count

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olafurp 12 points 3 years ago

My wife would have finished the phrase and I would give her the "you don't really expect me to do that" look

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KISSmyOS 1 point 3 years ago
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dukk -1 points 3 years ago

I would upvote, but there’s 222 and I’d like to keep it that way.

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TheBig2023Meltdown 29 points 3 years ago

It's now 338 if you'd like to drop your vote in. Rattles karma tin

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dukk 3 points 3 years ago

Done.

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V0lD 5 points 3 years ago

Ah yes, the internet, where you get downvoted for voicing that you enjoyed seeing a minor pretty happenstance

Once got the 9999 -> 10k voted on Reddit. Super satisfying and gif'd and commented it in the same post. Predictably got nuked

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tygerprints -37 points 3 years ago

Men have one pair of shoes (and underwear) they wear until they turn to dust (at least most of us). That should have been a clue right there they couldn't be your shoes. But I'm a bachelor, so I haven't any idea what my floor actually looks like (it's covered in other kinds of soiled clothing most of the time....)

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RavindraNemandi 79 points 3 years ago

One pair of underwear???? Bro get some help

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TheCrispyDud 21 points 3 years ago

The shoes I get and I'll wear jeans excessively long without a wash but damn dude change the underwear.

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Dozzi92 1 point 3 years ago

I think perhaps he meant that, as part of the collection, there is a pair of each that you just can't part with. I have a pair of shoes that probably could go (in fact, I have a much cleaner, less used pair of the same shoe), but it's good to have them for rainy days, going to a concert, etc.

The underwear, as I've grown, if it's got holes and stringies, it's going. Maybe when I was younger.

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Hardeehar 6 points 3 years ago

His screen name lol.

But seriously yeah. The guy needs help. Maybe a wife.

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skulblaka 14 points 3 years ago

Having a few more changes of underwear is a good start to getting a wife

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captainlezbian 4 points 3 years ago

Who would you sentence to marrying someone who chooses to only have one pair of underwear

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Hardeehar 3 points 3 years ago

You know, I can't think of anybody that might deserve it. Makes me think of that duck's in heaven joke.

Three guys die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: Don't step on the ducks!" So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place.

It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first guy accidentally steps on one. Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest woman he has ever seen. St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to the ugly woman!"

The next day, the second guy steps accidentally on a duck, and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing, and with him is another extemely ugly woman. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first guy.

The third guy has observed all this and not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly woman, is very, VERY careful where he steps. He manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to him with the most gorgeous woman he has ever laid eyes on: a very tall, tan, curvaceous, sexy blonde. St. Peter chains them together without saying a word. The guy remarks, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?" She says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!"

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captainlezbian 20 points 3 years ago

I think the single pair of underwear contributes to the bachelor status, or at the very least they probably share a root cause

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Entropywins 7 points 3 years ago

I don't know about the rest of you but I'm happy dudes wearing underwear to begin with...

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Nelots 4 points 3 years ago

I'm gonna be honest, I would prefer no underwear over the same pair 24/7. Unless homie is washing this shit every day, that gets gross fast.

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PrincessZelda 2 points 3 years ago

Guys will have one pair of shoes until they find a partner who will buy them more shoes for different occasions

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Sagifurius 1 point 3 years ago

I have 2. The black boots and the brown boots

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Stumblinbear 1 point 3 years ago

Can confirm.... One pair of shoes all my life, then I decided to buy two more pairs so I can actually color match my outfit when going out. What has happened to me....

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tygerprints 0 points 3 years ago

That's very true. Personally I hate clothes shopping. I probably by one pair of pants in a decade, if even that. I wear my clothes 'til they fall apart. My shoes are grossly out of date and the heels are worn out, but I just can't stand the idea of shoe shopping. Clothes tend to be the last thing I ever spend money on.

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