God didn't make those. Wait. Shit.
I had to google him to make sure he wasn't a troll.
3 years ago by SomeoneElseMod to c/confidently_incorrect
ivanafterall 67 points 3 years ago
asdfasdfasdf 86 points 3 years ago
They were manufactured by fallen fruit.
ivanafterall 21 points 3 years ago
So perfect.
WhiskyTangoFoxtrot 5 points 3 years ago
I thought that was a kind of cake.
DarthNinja 35 points 3 years ago
This is the main reason birds have a hard time getting a driver's license
WhiskyTangoFoxtrot 3 points 3 years ago
Also, many species of birds don't live to be 16 (some do, though, but those ones also rarely drive.)
qupada 7 points 3 years ago
Mmmmm hmmmm
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CSM3x9G7eTQ
too_high_for_this 2 points 3 years ago
OMG my blackberry bushes... those poor drunk idiots...
Diprount_Tomato 1 point 3 years ago
So that's why they crash into windows...
scrapeus 9 points 3 years ago
You can basically make alcohol out of anything with sugar and the right yeast.
Actually Fig and/or Plum wine is pretty good.
Rozauhtuno 3 points 3 years ago
Apples naturally contain yeast, they'll literally turn to alcohol on their own if you give them time.
joneskind 17 points 3 years ago
It makes sense if you believe in science and stuff, but if you were a true Christian you would know that holly sweet Jesus of America turned water into wine, which has nothing to do with alcohol. It is His sacred blood that for some reason also tastes like old grape juice. Don’t judge me and make your own research.
Thoughts and prayers, libtard!
ChunkMcHorkle 6 points 3 years ago
deleted by creator
DrSteveBrule 122 points 3 years ago
There is an old Disney documentary called “Animals are Beautiful People”. There is a segment of the movie dedicated to showing how monkeys, elephants, giraffes, and other animals can get shitfaced off rotten fruit.
Rozauhtuno 71 points 3 years ago
Some birds also intentionally make fruit ferment and then get shit-faced off of it. Humans are hardly the first species on this planet to make booze.
Venutianxspring 27 points 3 years ago
There's a type of lemur that gets hammered by stimulating a poisonous millipede and ingesting it's poison.
Tangent5280 21 points 3 years ago
which millipede though, i dont want to spend ages milking a bunch of millipedes
I_Fart_Glitter 11 points 3 years ago
They also rub it all over their privates first. But it's for um.. medicinal purposes... (?) https://matadornetwork.com/...
There's also a kind of sheep that will completely wear it's front teeth off by scraping hallucinogenic lichen off granite rocks. Everybody likes a party.
emeralddawn45 6 points 3 years ago
That's an interesting article, but why include the quotes from some random zookeeper, especially when all of his contributions are basically "i don't know why" lmao.
ICastFist 4 points 3 years ago
There's an theory stating that one thing that helped the Wari/Inca stay together were several parties fueled by their beer mixed with hallucinogens
postmateDumbass 4 points 3 years ago
Like the dolphins do with puffer fish.
RaivoKulli 14 points 3 years ago
Someone posted that clip before midsummer and I still chuckle at one of the replies. Something like "I'm laughing at the dumb hangover animals even though I know for a fact I'll be in the same state tomorrow".
wildbus8979 1 point 3 years ago
Disney documentary
Well there's your problem, this is clearly woke propaganda!!
sheilzy 20 points 3 years ago
He also only turned the water into wine because his mother nagged him to do it. Two of the people thought to be the most perfect and infallible in Christian tradition are actually fallen people. I think it's pretty noble to abstain from alcohol or other addictions but the way this guy does it is so belittling.
IvanOverdrive 74 points 3 years ago path: 0 2845045, hotness: undefined, score: 74, children: 4
reverendsteveii 17 points 3 years ago
Homebrewer/fermenter checking in. Yeast is everywhere. Its already on everything. To an extent where homebrewing has a special category called wild or spontaneous fermentation specifically for stuff made just by letting wild yeast settle on it and start going to town. Which is to say that if you're a bit lucky the only thing you need in order for wine to happen is fruit. Do you know how you make a fermented pepper sauce? Kim chi? Sauerkraut? You just need whatever it is you're trying to ferment, and some salt. That's it. The fermentation will just happen. Some small amount of alcohol will just happen.
postmateDumbass 14 points 3 years ago
Entrapment.
AngryCommieKender 64 points 3 years ago
There's literally a nebula out there that is almost pure ethanol that tastes of raspberry. I've no clue how we figured out what it would taste like, but there is literally enough alcohol there to keep the next 500 generations of humans perpetually shit faced even with the population boom that would occur.
I refer to it as "God's Distillery."
TonyTonyChopper 17 points 3 years ago
Infrared light gets absorbed by organic molecules at specific wavelengths depending on what structure they have. So we can look at IR light that has passed through the nebula to see what molecules are in it. The first article I saw said the cloud has ethyl formate which apparently has a raspberry like flavor.
AngryCommieKender 3 points 3 years ago
Thanks for the easy explanation!
CitizenKong 6 points 3 years ago
Obviously someone must have built the smelloscope from Futurama.
Dick_Justice 49 points 3 years ago
I went to a church when I was a kid that taught that wine was completely non-alcoholic in biblical times.
ReluctantMuskrat 50 points 3 years ago
Remarkable how ignorant of their own bible the teetotalling Christians are. Without refrigeration grape juice becomes unsafe to drink quickly. Fermenting it was the only way it would keep. Also in 1 Tim 3:8 mentions to not have men as deacons if they're "addicted to much wine", clearly showing this was not grape juice they're talking about.
Windex007 41 points 3 years ago
It's even more directly stated, and specifically about the wine Jesus made. After he turned water into wine, the guests were specifically remarking that hosts generally feed their guests good wine early in the night and pull out cheaper wine after the guests are drunk and can't tell the difference... But in this case they saved the best for last.
This is great because it also is a counter point to the argument that some preachers say to the youth about it being DRUNKENNESS that god doesn't like.
Nope, not intrinsically, because Jesus lit up a party full of ALREADY drunk people with more booze.
ReluctantMuskrat 6 points 3 years ago
Well the Bible is clear that drunkenness is a sin. It's stated many times, old and new testament, and without a doubt it's a problem for a lot of people. But the wedding party wine is a good example that there's no issue with having a party and people drinking, and as you said, Jesus supplies more wine after they run out. He didn't feel the need to police everyone.
Windex007 4 points 3 years ago
I disagree that the bible is clear that it's a sin. It's murky at best.
There are many warnings of being drunk leading to other sins. I think it's implied that routine drunkenness inevitably at least leads to sloth. I think there is an important distinction between "getting drunk" and "being a drunkard".
It's pretty clear Paul wasn't a fan.
But like, Paul wasn't the Christ. Paul can hate all he wants but the fact remains that Jesus got a party full of people who were ALREADY drunk MORE DRUNK.
So, either Christ will himself tempt others into sin or it isn't a sin.
I think it's important to consider the position on temptation. If your hand causes you to sin, it's better to cut it off kinda thing. If getting drunk leads you to sin, you shouldn't get drunk.
In the same way that nobody in the bible or in the same realms of the living would suggest preemptively cutting off the hands and gouging out the eyes at birth to ensure no sins caused by those body parts, it's similarly reasonable to not take a same blanket preemptive stance on getting drunk.
I'd never stop someone from making a personal choice not to drink, for literally any reason. I'm pretty wary of anyone who says the bible is "clear" on what is and isn't a sin, though.
The definition of sin is the most boring and inconsequential part of the Christian faith and it's such a shame how many Christians are exclusively obsessed with it.
zepheriths 39 points 3 years ago
For anyone that doesnt know, humans have evolved a significant tolerance to alcohol because it does infact exist in nature in rotting fruit (you take what you can in 400000 bc) there are reports of moose losing it after only a few fermented Apples. And Elephant reportedly can get deliriously drunk off of a single beer.
too_high_for_this 28 points 3 years ago
I had a dog that loved beer but he was a nasty drunk. He would knock beers over to lap them up, then start growling and barking for more. Then he'd puke, eat the puke, and pass out.
too_high_for_this 16 points 3 years ago
If he was I am guilty of so many crimes
ininewcrow 2 points 3 years ago
Or Mark? Or Luke? Or John?
macrocephalic 2 points 3 years ago
Did I live with you?
AdmiralShat 4 points 3 years ago
I've seen this exact thing, a little terrier would wait for everyone to leave the room then he'd knock everyone's beers over and get shirfaced. I don't remember him being violent unless you tried to take the beer away
Dick_Justice 5 points 3 years ago
I've been told by several people that being a non-drinker is a "huge red flag" if they see it in a dating profile.
Nastybutler 1 point 3 years ago
Also, it might mean they're in recovery, which can be a red flag for many
AdmiralShat 1 point 3 years ago
Because usually to state something like that it implies severe alcoholism.
Most people who don't drink just don't drink
Dick_Justice 6 points 3 years ago
"I don't drink" usually implies severe alcoholism. Got it.
Diprount_Tomato 0 points 3 years ago
Darwin bouta recheck his theory
captainlezbian 2 points 3 years ago
Yeah alcohol tolerance is sexually selected in some populations of modern Homo sapiens
hauntology 42 points 3 years ago path: 0 2838468 2838912, hotness: undefined, score: 42, children: 3
FordBeeblebrox 16 points 3 years ago
Also an exmo, even as a kid the logical inconsistency was easy to spot. It was grape juice back then, the Catholics still drink wine, but we drink water for…the same reason except it looks nothing like blood? Cool cool cool
ArcaneSlime 5 points 3 years ago
First time hearing the word "exmo" and I have to ask, does that mean you only wear black temple garments?
FordBeeblebrox 3 points 3 years ago
Nah, satanic boxers with pentagrams
senoro 19 points 3 years ago
Wait until he finds out that humans have been drinking alcohol recreationally for at least 8000 years. I reckon heaven would be really rather empty if only people who never drank any alcohol were allowed in
iminahurry 18 points 3 years ago
The earth has never produced a single drop of alcohol
Oh boy, do I have news for you!
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Palm_wine
Granted it's not produced in the tree, but it's basically alcohol by the time people take the sap container off the tree, no human intervention needed.
jimbolauski 4 points 3 years ago
The pacu fish, who eat fruit, will eat fermented fruit and get intoxicated.
MargotRobbie 18 points 3 years ago
If God didn't create alcohol, then why does booze taste so good? Checkmate, Tiff.
edgemaster72 18 points 3 years ago
I hope he posted that on naturally occurring social media sites, not the kind created and run by fallen men, because the earth has never produced a single social media site.
u202307011927 17 points 3 years ago
Bruh moment.
If it's impossible by nature then how could we accomplish it
He must have skipped homework numerous times in his holy book.
u202307011927 -1 points 3 years ago
I was talking about this guy in the picture
SomeoneElseMod 7 points 3 years ago
It sounds like the name of a Will Farrell character! I can’t find anything to suggest it isn’t his real name - and tiff doesn’t seem to be short for anything either.
SomeoneElseMod 3 points 3 years ago
I knew a girl at uni called Tiffany but she went by Tipp/Tipper. I’d definitely chose that over Tiff personally.
FlightyPenguin 1 point 3 years ago
Please make a Tuff Shittlesworth account.
negativeyoda 16 points 3 years ago
Jokes on you: evangelicals only read the old testament
Siegfried 20 points 3 years ago
Psalm 104, 14:15 (while enumerating the great things God gave us)
[14] He makes grass grow for the cattle, and plants for people to cultivate— bringing forth food from the earth: [15] wine that gladdens human hearts, oil to make their faces shine, and bread that sustains their hearts.
Inb4, we are using oil the wrong way
Omniraptor 15 points 3 years ago
The reader suggested context blurb is the best thing to ever happen to Twitter
Lightor 11 points 3 years ago
John 2:1-11 New International Version
Jesus Changes Water Into Wine
2 On the third day a wedding took place at Cana in Galilee. Jesus’ mother was there, 2 and Jesus and his disciples had also been invited to the wedding. 3 When the wine was gone, Jesus’ mother said to him, “They have no more wine.”
4 “Woman,[a] why do you involve me?” Jesus replied. “My hour has not yet come.”
5 His mother said to the servants, “Do whatever he tells you.”
6 Nearby stood six stone water jars, the kind used by the Jews for ceremonial washing, each holding from twenty to thirty gallons.[b]
7 Jesus said to the servants, “Fill the jars with water”; so they filled them to the brim.
8 Then he told them, “Now draw some out and take it to the master of the banquet.”
They did so, 9 and the master of the banquet tasted the water that had been turned into wine. He did not realize where it had come from, though the servants who had drawn the water knew. Then he called the bridegroom aside 10 and said, “Everyone brings out the choice wine first and then the cheaper wine after the guests have had too much to drink; but you have saved the best till now.”
11 What Jesus did here in Cana of Galilee was the first of the signs through which he revealed his glory; and his disciples believed in him.
perviouslyiner 4 points 3 years ago
“Woman, why do you involve me? My hour has not yet come.”
Is there a generally accepted explanation of this line? Mary somehow knows he has superpowers long before Jesus starts the cult/religion (despite the obvious problems between them concerning the 'virgin birth' myth) - and the first test of a God on Earth is his mom looking at the empty wine cup and saying "can't you fix this with your magic?"!
Were they like, regularly making magic water-wine in the house before she and her son went to the party, or - how would she know?
EnglishMobster 5 points 3 years ago
John is sort of a weird gospel because it was written independently of the other three.
Typically it's assumed that Mark is oldest of the gospels and written independently. Matthew and Luke are both based on Mark. John, however, remains its own thing and was also written independently, potentially by multiple authors at different times. John was also originally written in Greek and not a translation, as it does wordplay that only works in Greek (see John 3, which makes no sense in English or Aramaic but has a double meaning in Greek).
One of the ways John is so different from the others is because John plays up the supernatural aspects a bit more. In John, Mary absolutely knows about Jesus' powers and basically begs Jesus to "blow his cover" as it were, to allow the wedding to save face.
It's implied that Mary has always known about Jesus' "special powers", especially in John. Mark is much more "down-to-earth" when it comes to describing Jesus' powers, while Matthew and Luke (as mentioned) copy Mark and add embellishments (the virgin birth, describing the resurrection). Matthew and Luke give Jesus magic powers that he "should" have, whereas John is very explicit about "yeah this is God and he has God powers" in ways the others do not.
Side note: John is also weird in that Mary and Joseph are basically described as Jesus' parents. Mary is never mentioned by name, and the virgin birth is never stated. In John, Joseph is also explicitly said to be Jesus' father, despite, you know... the rest of the New Testament saying he wasn't. So John is just strange.
perviouslyiner 1 point 3 years ago path: 0 2836432 2839753 2840854 2841306, hotness: undefined, score: 1, children: 0
FordBeeblebrox 2 points 3 years ago
Carpenter wasn’t a real high paying job, gotta save money any way you can so just one wine bottle that little J refills every day would make sense.
Or maybe he was just trying to catch a buzz before the magic show and wanted Mary to step off
momtheregoesthatman 10 points 3 years ago
Tiff Shuttlesworth sounds like a name from Happy Gilmore. I still love Shooter McGavin but damn, Tiff takes the proverbial cake here.
mojofrododojo 4 points 3 years ago
biff shittleswad
FlyingSquid 4 points 3 years ago
Yeah, about that...
corsicanguppy 2 points 3 years ago
No one remind anyone that the water/wine story is a metaphor.
confidently_incorrect
@lemmy.world
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When people are way too smug about their wrong answer.
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confidently_incorrect
@lemmy.world
4799
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1
When people are way too smug about their wrong answer.
Posting guidelines.
All posts in this community have come from elsewhere, it is not original content, the poster in this community is not OP. The person who posts in this community isn’t necessarily endorsing whatever the post is talking about and they are not looking to argue with you about the content in the post.
You are welcome to discuss and debate any topic but arguments are not welcome here. I consider debate/discussions to be civil; people with different opinions participating in respectful conversations. It becomes an argument as soon as someone becomes aggressive, nasty, insulting or just plain unpleasant. Report argumentative comments, then ignore them.
There is currently no rule about how recent a post needs to be because the community is about the comeback part, not the topic.
Rules:
• Be civil and remember the human.
• No trolling, insults or name calling. Swearing in general is fine, but not to insult someone.
• No bigotry of any kind, including homophobia, transphobia, sexism and racism.
• You are welcome to discuss and debate any topic but arguments are not welcome here. I consider debate/discussions to be civil; people with different opinions participating in respectful conversations. It becomes an argument as soon as someone becomes aggressive, nasty, insulting or just plain unpleasant. Report argumentative comments, then ignore them.
• Try not to get too political. A lot of these posts will involve politics, but this isn’t the place for political arguments.
• Participate in good faith - don’t be aggressive and don’t argue for arguements sake.
• Mark NSFW posts if they contain nudity.
• Satire is allowed but please start the post title with [satire] so other users can filter it out if they’d like.
Please report comments that break site or community rules to the mods. If you break the rules you’ll receive one warning before being banned from this community.
This community follows the rules of the lemmy.world instance and the lemmy.org code of conduct. I’ve summarised them here:
- Be civil, remember the human.
- No insulting or harassing other members. That includes name calling.
- Respect differences of opinion. Civil discussion/debate is fine, arguing is not. Criticise ideas, not people.
- Keep unrequested/unstructured critique to a minimum.
- Remember we have all chosen to be here voluntarily. Respect the spent time and effort people have spent creating posts in order to share something they find amusing with you.
- Swearing in general is fine, swearing to insult another commenter isn’t.
- No racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, xenophobia or any other type of bigotry.
- No incitement of violence or promotion of violent ideologies.
go to feed...
Fruits that fall off the tree ferment and make alcohol. Monkeys, apes, and other animals eat them for the alcoholic effect.
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