Do you have or keep heirlooms?

2 days ago by qyron to c/asklemmy

My family's history and story is of great concern to, so much so that I intend to reconstruct the family tree as far as I can get in order to know who came before me.

In this same sense, I put a lot a value into objects that have reached through the generations. I have china, some furniture, personal items, photos and photo albums, etc.

Everything tells a piece of a story I wasn't able to fully live through and instead just brushed me growing up.

It gives me a sense of belonging.

Dookieman12 28 points 2 days ago

No. We used to have many. My grandparents kept them. After they died, my parents, aunts, and uncle threw everything that wasn't worth money into a dumpster. They kept the jewelry, coins, watches, and other valuables; everything worth less than $50 got trashed. Photo albums, collars from old pets, pictures they drew as children, sentimental trinkets, my grandpa's pocket knives, my great grandpa's letters home during the war for Czech independence, all of it, gone. A lot of it had been stuff I did in school or pictures of me.

"What do you want that for? It ain't worth nothing," they would tell me when I asked to keep anything.

People suck.

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tburkhol 16 points 2 days ago

As my Silent Generation relatives have been dying off, each of them has had boxes of family history - photos, sometimes dating back to early 1900s, diaries/journals, kids' school art, yearbooks... None of it organized, few of the photos with any indication of who's in them, where or when they were taken, even who did the art. Shoebox after shoebox of Christmas pictures. Sometimes, one of the survivors will recognize photos, but no one has ever made the effort to record the oral histories, so they will soon be just photos of strangers in mystery locations.

Organize that stuff. Curate it. Make it possible for kids to care.

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qyron 8 points 2 days ago

That was painful to read.

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CompactFlax 6 points 2 days ago

A little while ago a relative told us about how they moved for their parents work. All the toys were thrown out, all the photos; like you everything that wasn’t worth something was disposed of. They even drowned the family cat.

It’s a bit amazing they’re not hardcore hoarders, they just low key keep things.

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qyron 12 points 2 days ago

They drowned the cat? That's disturbing.

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CompactFlax 3 points 2 days ago

That is for sure!

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cb900f_bodhi 1 point a day ago

You had me really concerned until that last sentence. That is so freaking sad.

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slazer2au 13 points 2 days ago

No I don't.

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Snailpope 10 points 2 days ago

I have a few, and created one of my own. I have a steamer trunk that's been in the family for 5 or more generations, the family Bible from who knows how far back, and proposed to my wife with the ring my papa used to propose to my mom. I also had a sword forged for my wedding, engraved with our family name. While I don't intend to have children I plan on passing these things down to my nephews when the time comes

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qyron 4 points 2 days ago

Than sounds like a very well thought plan.

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lokalhorst 9 points 2 days ago

I have a diary of my grandma that she wrote during her evacuation from cologne in 1943, and I have an old mandolin my grandfather bought from a homeless man on a street. That meant my grandmother wouldn't be able to buy food for their 13 children so she was pissed af, but that makes great story for this instrument.

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qyron 2 points 2 days ago

That is quite a story.

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betterdeadthanreddit 7 points 2 days ago

We call them trophies and I invoke my fifth amendment rights.

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qyron 5 points 2 days ago

This isn't a public trial. Just keep your peace.

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GreenKnight23 6 points a day ago

we have a box filled with baby teeth going back about 8 generations.

we have another box filled with locks of baby hair.

and I haven't even mentioned the box of babies yet.

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qyron 4 points a day ago

That was going really well unril it wasn't.

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Zephorah 6 points 2 days ago

For some, yes, for others it’s just stuff that takes up space. The reality of today is there’s often not going to be the financial capacity to hold onto much. Boomers had excess space because they could afford big houses with large garages and outbuildings on large tracts of land.

Even a quarter acre plot is large by today’s shithole subdivision standards. Garages are reduced down to barely fit a vehicle, and driveways likely won’t hold the length of a full sized truck. Basements have been taken away. Shared walls instead of yards on single family townhomes instead of homes.

Even on antiques roadshow, unless it’s Tiffany, knick knacks and general clutter without use items are continuously down in price.

Few have the luxury of space any more.

Take a trip through the online auction markets. Not warehouse returns/junk, just the estate dissolutions with on site pickups after purchase. Or companies like CTBids that operate nationally and do estate downsizing for elderly selling their houses for assisted living situations or small condos, in addition to full estate auctions.

You’re scrolling pages and pages of “crap” inheriting families were going to toss out or things they couldn’t afford to store and keep.

A bit voyeuristic, but you’ll quickly see what people value now. China? No. You can’t use it because you can’t microwave it. Lots of knick knack crap selling for under $5, life collections and such. The useful stuff bids up pretty high. Tools. Even expired MREs. Not collections.

The real prize is the house, and the auction house clears the valuables turned clutter from it faster than families can.

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justdaveisfine 5 points 2 days ago

So, yes*.

I have a few objects of importance that have been passed down but I don't like to horde stuff. For me it can't just be something they owned but something they valued or actually used.

And admittedly something that isn't outrageously large and/or broken.

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qyron 3 points 2 days ago

Being broken often means it was used and valued. I have an old wrist watch that is, apparently, irrepairable. It isn't going anywhere. An old TV with which I grew up, went.

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TigerAce 5 points a day ago

I have a brosh and my cousin has the earrings my great great great whatever wore when she was painted by Monet. Whenever he went to the Netherlands he always stayed at my family. She wears mourning clothes and jewelry.

Here's the painting, which hangs at the Kruller Muller museum in Apeldoorn The Netherlands.

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qyron 1 point a day ago

Now that is a story!

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TigerAce 4 points 21 hours ago

I have an even better story. The biggest Dutch sea pirate was an ancestor of me. Back then it was an honorable profession. The entire area of the Zaanstreek was his. Whenever you go to the open air museum Zaanse Schans, all the windmills and store fronts were owned by him. When Willem van Orange (William of Orange) wanted to unite the 7 provinces, creating the first nation of The Netherlands, my ancestor was the main funder of the project, his signature is on the decleration of the seven provinces.

Monet stayed at that family. Nothing of their wealth has reached me sadly, only the story and the brosh. Even the painting was illegally donated by someone's partner to the museum due to the high insurance costs. But at least everyone can see it now and it is well maintained. And I have a good story to tell. I wouldn't have minded it if I had inherited a house or something though.

The sea pirate was Engel van de Stad by the way. Not much is known about him online, as he never worked for the state so he never was named a naval hero or something like Michiel de Ruyter for example. Yet the fortune he gained by raiding British, French and Spanish fleets helped create the country I call home. We have only found documentation in a museum and in archives. I bet it would make amazing YouTube videos as soon as his story comes out.

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qyron 1 point 21 hours ago

Some tale!

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mushroommunk 4 points 2 days ago

Sadly I was the black sheep of the family and having nothing from my side. I really wanted this chair from my grandma and my grandpa's grandfather clock. Or really anything. My grandma made her own cards and I would have been happy with her stamp collection which no one else in the family wanted. My mom sold them without even offering me a chance to buy them.

On my wife's side though we've become what I call "The Keepers of the Ancient Ways".

We have been handed the old family recipes. We have been handed trunks of family photos that I'm slowly digitizing. We actually ended up in my wife's grandpa's house that my wife basically grew up in. I'm trying to compile as many stories from relatives as I can. We are slowly building a family tree (if you want any advice just holler. There's a lot of pitfalls newbies miss).

We try to collect only the truly meaningful things so we can document them but my wife's family has strong hoarder tendencies so we walk a line.

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qyron 2 points 2 days ago

Hoarding is dangerous.

Are you using or planning to use GRAMPS? That is my intention.

And you mention your grandma made her own cards? As in greeting cards? Playing cards? Tarot cards?

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mushroommunk 2 points 2 days ago

Are you using or planning to use GRAMPS?

I use Wikitree to document my tree. GRAMPS was a consideration but trying to share with older relatives was going to be an issue for me that way. I do keep a local GEDCOM copy though. Yes I do feel disgusted the LDS created the format every time I save a backup. Gedcom files can be used with basically everything if you weren't aware.

The biggest pitfall I've seen is trusting other people's work. At all. You might stumble upon what looks like a full family tree of your relatives and start adding people to yours and get all excited about this treasure of information you've found. You'll realize later it's probably so big because the person spent a while on Ancestry.com just randomly accepting any "match" and it isn't really that accurate.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with perusing the trove of data on acenstry.com, and there's good trees around from there. Just verify.

The second biggest pitfall is similar, start by not trusting family stories. In my family I always grew up hearing we were related to the people who built the white house, and had Native American blood (an especially common story in America which I could write for ages on) in us, and were related to a famous poet. Turns out none of that was true and until I realized that I spent hours chasing down random paths trying to prove those things I supposedly knew. Turns out we just had someone who's name was "White", there may be an ancestor who's last name was "Whitehouse", the poet just happened to have the same last name, and for us a part of the family was in the KKK and disappointed a different family member had married a person of color and to cover it up they claimed the dark skin was native american.

And you mention your grandma made her own cards?

Grandma made mostly greeting cards. Every birthday and christmas was a custom card from her. I wish I had thought when I was younger to keep more of them or at least a picture of some of them. She had boxes and boxes of stamps and different textured paper and strips of fabric and things. Each one was always hand made with care.

I have another hobby with fountain pens and trading postcards around the world and know I could have put at least some of it to use.

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qyron 2 points 2 days ago

I'll be using the birth, marriage and death certificates my country issues to go beyonf my own memory. This will give me at least 75 years of reliable and easily accessible information. At some point, I'll have to query my national library where such registries are kept for historical purposes.

There are a few things I want to put a rest to, like the story of an uncle, who alledgelly spent 18 years in prison and a supposed move of a branch of the family from one area to another in the country. Some 90 years or more in the past, it was uncommon.

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mushroommunk 1 point 2 days ago

The move 90 years ago I might actually believe. A great uncle of mine did basically the same thing, picked up a whole branch of the family and moved. After WWI they'd struggled to rebuild and he saw the start of WWII coming (although he didn't realize how big it would be at the time). He moved just far enough to get a new start with people who didn't know him before and went from there. I've seen others did the same before WWI seeing it coming.

Also around the 1850's to 1960's was the peak of cruise ships. It opened up movement a little more and people started realizing they could possibly relocate easier. That was also the tail end of railroad mania which caused a lot of that shuffling around of people.

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zxqwas 4 points 2 days ago

I've got an old wooden sofa that came from my father's grandmothers home. I don't know much more about it, but it's probably a hundred years old.

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qyron 2 points 2 days ago

Nice!

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spittingimage 4 points 2 days ago

I have a painting of the Australian desert that belonged to my mother. It's banished to the second bedroom because it's got a thick coating of nicotine, but I plan to have it cleaned some day.

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qyron 4 points a day ago

Nicotine can be hard to clean. I wish you all the luck with that.

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GreenKnight23 2 points 17 hours ago

check out Baumgartner Restoration on YouTube. you might learn how to do it, or even better, understand you're woefully out of your depth on a full restoration.

reach out and see if he's got any contacts that he trusts in your area. presumably you live in Australia.

the fine art world is small, and the fine art restoration community is even smaller. he's bound to know someone or even could even restore it himself.

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CanadaPlus 4 points a day ago

Yup, I've got quite a few things by now, and I'm in line for some more.

I don't know about a sense of belonging, but a historical thing you're tangentially connected to is cooler than just a random historical thing.

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promitheas 4 points a day ago

You mean like, from my victims?

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qyron 3 points a day ago

Those, I think, are called mementos.

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Rhynoplaz 4 points 2 days ago

The most heirloom thing I own is a special publication from our local newspaper from 1933(? I'm not sure if the exact year, but it's definitely the thirties) that used to belong to my great grandmother.

It's a newspaper sized book that's maybe 50 pages and it celebrates the 150th anniversary of my hometown.

I don't think it's worth any significant money, but I think it's fascinating to flip through the stories and read the old ads.

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qyron 1 point 2 days ago

That is an heirloom!

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Return_of_Chippy 3 points 20 hours ago

Only things I've had passed down to me like that have been guns.

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lemmyng 3 points 2 days ago

Been archiving my dead parents' documents over the past year cause I've been unemployed. Letters, tax returns, celebratory cards, bills, etc. I think they'll come in handy in case some fascist fuckwit tries to decide I'm not a citizen or wasn't born in this country.

Once I'm done with the documents, I'm moving onto archiving VHS tapes, then photos.

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qyron 1 point 2 days ago

How long does the VHS survives?

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GalacticGrapefruit 3 points 17 hours ago

Several knives, blades, and daggers in my dad's knife collection belonged to his grandfather, and were passed down to his father. He says he plans on dividing the collection among his kids when the time comes.

Knives mean a lot in our family. We each got our first pocket knife on our 8th birthday, the same way our dad got his first one. Knife safety (especially passing a knife) is part ritual, part common sense. We give them as gifts for birthdays, Christmas, and Easter. It's a way of making sure the people we love the most will always have the oldest and most useful tool mankind ever invented in their pocket.

I know it's considered bad luck in some cultures, but to us, it's a heartfelt act of love. I'll be honored to have my father's knife one day.

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starlinguk 3 points 2 days ago

Yes. The thing is, I is po'. My grandma was rich. I have been saddled with "the Narnia cupboard" which only fits when you have high ceilings (one of those with vases), and a matching desk. So whenever I move, I have to figure out if they fit and also hope the removals guys know how to put Narnia together without dropping the damn doors (again).

I'm getting shot of them as soon as my mother passes away. I have some lovely paintings my grandma did and that's enough where heirlooms are concerned.

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weimaraner_of_doom 3 points 2 days ago

My grandparents were not wealthy people. They were products of the Great Depression. They kept nearly everything they ever and bought and every major purchase was carefully calculated.

I only ever saw my grandad wear one watch. A Timex from probably the late 1980's. I would guess it cost < $20 new at Walmart back then.

It still works. I usually only wear it for special occasions. I've spent way more than it's value having jewelers maintain it over the last 25 years.

I still miss the old man. You can't put a price tag on those memories.

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qyron 1 point 2 days ago

I can respect that.

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Hubi 2 points 2 days ago

Most of my family were refugees during WW2 and lost pretty much all their belongings, including some truly priceless pieces and properties that are still talked about. I do have a pretty substantial trove of documents and photos dating back to the 1850s though, this was all they were allowed to carry.

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qyron 2 points 2 days ago

Has had never been an attempt to claim back some of those lost properties?

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Hubi 1 point 2 days ago

No, there's pretty much zero chance. They were lost when the borders were redrawn after the war and who knows where it all ended up. Some are probably the heirlooms of a different family now.

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LilB0kChoy 2 points a day ago

Yes, just a few things:

My great-great-grandfather’s portrait, bayonet and a copy of his discharge papers from his Civil War service.

The flag from my grandfather’s coffin.

There are things I’d like to have/keep in the family when my parents pass.

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palordrolap 2 points 2 days ago

I have a couple of things already from relatives who have already left us and expect I might get a few more when others pass on (not for a while yet, I hope). None of them are particularly valuable, but they mean something to me because of who they're from.

I have no descendants, so I expect everything will be discarded when I'm gone.

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qyron 2 points 2 days ago

Friends, other relatives?

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palordrolap 2 points 2 days ago

No close friends. The family that the stuff is from are unrelated to the majority of my relatives. Those who are related will get first pick, no doubt, but I know them and I suspect there'd be very little interest or attachment.

They might get a few quid on eBay, or whatever exists by then, I suppose.

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qyron 1 point 2 days ago

That is sad.

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gigastasio 2 points 2 days ago

I kept a lot of stuff from my parents house after they passed. Most of it is still in boxes and I have yet to find the time to really go through it and take inventory.

Among those items there looks to be a lot of things that were kept in their own parents’ homes. China pieces, old collectibles…there is what looks to be a certified Catholic holy relic, which I haven’t the faintest idea what to do with. There is a pretty sizable collection of steins that I’ve kept out of pure sentiment, though I haven’t gone out of my way to set up a place to display them.

Thing is, most of this stuff I took from an outdoor storage shed where they just stuffed anything they didn’t have room for in the house. Had been sitting untouched for decades and was covered in dirt and mouse shit when I finally got to it. Spent a lot of time cleaning and trying to salvage what I could. So to that end I hesitate to call any of this stuff “heirlooms” when it seems to mostly be things they didn’t really value but couldn’t bring themselves to throw or give away.

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qyron 2 points 2 days ago

I understand.

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Reyali 2 points 2 days ago

I have a bedroom set my grandfather made. They’re beautiful, solid, and honestly just my taste. The drawers are made from crates they used to ship their belongings back to the US after living abroad for his work for a few years, so there’s deeper personal history there.

I kept a fair bit of art and a number of trinkets when my other grandparents passed, plus their dining room set. I’ve since gotten a nicer dining room set and the old one is in storage… I couldn’t quite stand to get rid of it, and it would make a good gaming table someday. Plus a rocking chair that was gifted to my grandpa by an organization at the university he taught at.

I had the opportunity to take dishes and things, but skipped most of it because I didn’t feel a connection to them, except for two glasses in a set of bird glasses. I only liked the two and they match; I didn’t need the full set to have the reminder of meals with my grandparents.

These things give me a sense of connection to my family and my past.

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snooggums 2 points 2 days ago

Only if it serves a purpose (old tools which are used) or it is small and has associated memories worth the space it takes up. Nothing that continues to exist just because someone else in the family had it.

The idea of an obligation to retain heirlooms because they are heirlooms seems like a recipe for being stuck in the past, because homes aren't museums.

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qyron 1 point 2 days ago

That is not keeping heirlooms, that is being a hostage. And heirloom does not need to have a purpose.

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snooggums 3 points 2 days ago

You asked if we kept heirlooms and I answered with which ones I keep and which ones I don't. Other people can have their own reasons.

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RBWells 2 points a day ago

I don't like things much, it feels oppressive to try to hang on to them. I have a very few that I value. A gun cabinet my dad converted to a shelved cabinet. The harmonica my grandpa played. That may be it, actually. My mom gave me many photographs, I suck at organizing and preserving them, not sure why she gave them to me. I have also 2 other furniture pieces from my grandma's house but it's the gun cabinet I won't part with.

I have lived in the same place a long time and not a big believer in heritage - go 10 generations back and you have 1,024 people who are your great-to the power of 10-parents. Anyone who says they are descended from someone is picking and choosing to create a story. So I feel as belonged as I care to, by belonging to the place I live I guess.

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BeardededSquidward 2 points 19 hours ago

I don't have the room for half of the furniture my mother tried to give me. She wanted me to take an old dining table that's the size of my current living room.

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qyron 1 point 19 hours ago

One of those old fashioned solid wood dining table for twelve?

It's a shame. I wanted to make a solid wood table at some point in my life but four to six seatings will be more than enough.

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BeardededSquidward 1 point 19 hours ago

Happy Cakeday.

It seated 8 comfortably, maybe up to 12 if you crowded a bit. It was SOLID and I regret that it probably ended up in a landfill.

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qyron 1 point 18 hours ago

So that is what that little icon means. Thanks.

I've seen tables like that very carefully split in two smaller ones. It took serious crafmanship but the end result retained the same "soul", pardon the expression.

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BeardededSquidward 1 point 18 hours ago

I would have loved to do that but we were so poor food was a problem to manage. Some strong, sturdy furniture made out of solid wood, not particle board wrapped in plastic.

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epyon 1 point 18 hours ago

I have 2 rifles with bayonets and a wakizashi that my grandfather acquired from WWII, and a level that my carpenter great-grandfather used.

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CompactFlax 1 point 2 days ago

It’s difficult to hold on to many heirlooms because of the size of homes between boomers/silent generation giving things up and millennials. I would like solid wood furniture, and I hate to see it thrown out, but it literally doesn’t fit in my home. Furniture isn’t the end of it; decor and many other things I simply don’t have the space for.

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qyron 1 point 2 days ago

I find this curious.

My grandmother's bedroom furniture, which she already bought used, is smaller than any current day bedroom set I can find.

My bed is 200cm140cm; my grandmothers bed is 182cm128cm. I'm barely able to fit in it. Wardrobe has a single drawer and a door; measures 185cm*170cm. This carries on throughout the set. The furniture is small, with no real space to organize things into.

I started buying furniture before I start inheriting things in Ikea and every piece of furniture felt massive by comparison.

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CanadaPlus 1 point a day ago

Hmm, I wonder if that's regional, or just your grandmother specifically.

If you look at stuff from deep history, it might be a bit smaller (because people were smaller), but the 20th century furniture that makes up the bulk of what you'll see on the secondhand market isn't noticeably different.

More kinds of furniture used to be fashionable, that much is true, and if you don't live in a house as big as your parents (because people tend to move into bigger places until they're retired) getting rid of the china cabinet might be inevitable.

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AskewLord 1 point 2 days ago

my dad and mom passed.

my sister kept trying to get me to take their junk as heirlooms... i just caved and threw it out later.

It was just junk. Like crappy old broken watches from my dad, and some weird ugly jewerly from my mom. IT was worthless stuff, but for whatever reasons my sister had a lot of sentimental value in it and insisted I had to take it.

I come from a poor family and we never had anything of value to pass down or any 'history' in our family. it's weird to think how I have stuff that is like... way more valuable than anything my parents ever had or my grandparents.

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bstix 1 point 17 hours ago

Not really. My wife has some bulky furniture that we plan on tossing out once her mother dies. It's worthless and of no practical use, which is probably why she passed it by on already.

My grandparents had some cool stuff, but their children got in an argument over some of it, so I don't know who got what and I don't want anything to do with that. Hopefully they're happy with ruining their relationships over items that belong in a museum.

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ElDuderino 1 point 15 hours ago

We have an accordion played by my great grandfather.

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qyron 1 point 15 hours ago

Does anyone still knows how to play it?

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ElDuderino 1 point 15 hours ago

Unfortunately no! I will learn if it passes into my hands - I already play other instruments.

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qyron 1 point 14 hours ago

All the luck on that!

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fruitycoder 1 point a day ago

I try. I like hand sized mementos. Less likely to lose and not bulky enough to be a burden.

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IWW4 1 point 2 days ago

I find heirlooms to be worthless.

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qyron 1 point 2 days ago

Maybe you still haven't found the one for you.

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Signtist 1 point 20 hours ago

I don't have any official heirlooms, but I like to bake, and have inherited a few quality vintage mixing bowls that my grandparents - and later my parents - used, so I consider them to be heirlooms at this point.

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