Chess grandmaster Hans Niemann denies using vibrating sex toy to cheat

3 years ago by stopthatgirl7 to c/worldnews

Hans Niemann was accused of cheating after he beat Norwegian grandmaster Magnus Carlsen last September.

bionicjoey 90 points 3 years ago

This was a joke invented by r/anarchychess. I'd be amazed if it were real.

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megane_kun 76 points 3 years ago

I remember when I first heard the rumours and I immediately thought of how sensitive one's anal linings would be to perceive Morse code via a butt plug. Then pondered upon the max possible bandwidth of buttplug-mediated information transfer. Finally, I thought about how to send back information via rythmic anal clenching.

Only then did I conclude that it's probably easier to get better at chess.

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bionicjoey 26 points 3 years ago

A YouTuber tested it and confirmed it's not that difficult to detect messages. They didn't use Morse code but rather a simplified set of signals for move notation

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megane_kun 6 points 3 years ago

It's in the ankles, right? I guess even if it's a different part of the body than the inside of one's butt (a sensitive part of the body), makes it plausible that it's also possible for communication (perhaps one-way—towards the plug wearer).

I'm assuming the accomplice would then be watching through some camera feed, right? That makes it at least plausible since there's no need for kegels (to send information the other way).

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LordPassionFruit 18 points 3 years ago

If it's the same video I saw, it was the ankle guy. And yeah, when it comes to historical cases of chess cheating (almost always at a lower skill level) they'll either use some form of chess computer that they sneak away to use, or have an accomplice and a one way method of communication.

Another thing to keep in mind is that often times players at this level don't need to cheat every move, they just need to be given the correct move at an important moment and they'll be good enough to understand why they are being told to do that.

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bionicjoey 3 points 3 years ago

Yeah, in terms of the other direction, the game would theoretically have an audience and livestream.

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jalda 18 points 3 years ago

The thing is that the game was broadcast live. One-way communication was enough

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QuinceDaPence 5 points 3 years ago

We need an expert on this. You gotta go find the guy that designed that butt plug revolver with the clench activated trigger.

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megane_kun 3 points 3 years ago

Wait, what?! That's actually a thing now?!

Not really up to speed with butt-tech. Hahaha! There goes my search history!

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Son_of_dad 2 points 3 years ago

It doesn't have to be Morse, more like a vibration to tell you that you're moving the right piece etc, but that means the person giving you signals is better at chess than you, so why not just have them play?

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Pennypacker 6 points 3 years ago

that means the person giving you signals is better at chess than you

Def not, that's how cheating is done in online games: you replicate the game and have a computer suggest the next move.

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kraftpudding 4 points 3 years ago

They can use a chess engine to analyze moves more quickly and thoroughly

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deranger 2 points 3 years ago

You can have a whole room of people on the other end of that wireless vibrating buttplug.

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megane_kun 1 point 3 years ago

Yeah, I mentioned using a simplified notation (still in dots-and-dashes form, though there might be a more efficient way) in a different comment. I actually also mentioned using something like electrical impulses across the small of the back. But then again, that latter one won't really be hidden well (given that this all came about from a challenge of doing chess naked).

There's also the possibility of the accomplice having access to a chess computer (program). But yeah, if the accomplice is better at chess, enough to operate on that level, then why not just have them play indeed?

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lobut 38 points 3 years ago

Best joke about that I saw was a video of Hans playing someone and looking confident up until a blunder or something. Then he realizes what happened and puts his face in his hands and closes his eyes.

The comment on the YouTube video was: "when the computer gives up and then switches to pleasure mode"

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bilboswaggings 15 points 3 years ago

I play chess and I have a... a friend who uses a vibrator

So ofc it's real, just not Hans

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bionicjoey 11 points 3 years ago

Yeah that's what I meant. It's not that it's not real, but the origin of the meme was Hans saying something to the effect of "I'll play Magnus naked to prove I'm not cheating" to which everyone responded that the anal beads technique would be how he did it. Of course the corollary of that is that there are numerous ways for him to cheat while fully clothed.

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KickAssDuke -1 points 3 years ago

This is a joke from Its Always Sunny In Philadelphia

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theKalash 13 points 3 years ago

Except that this happened before the episode came out.

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KickAssDuke 1 point 3 years ago

Oh lol that makes sense. I only relate to the world through IASIP...

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Lifecoach5000 -1 points 3 years ago

It was mentioned as joke by Eric from chessbrah during a stream, then it got clipped around went and full on viral when ol Musky shared it.

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Gomez 58 points 3 years ago

Wasn't there a documentary about this with Danny Devito?

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ftothe3 11 points 3 years ago

Yes. It was very informative. Highly recommend!

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drbi 1 point 3 years ago

Legends has it that it was prophetic.

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curiousaur 32 points 3 years ago

I read the title as "dies" instead of "denies".

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Kata1yst 24 points 3 years ago

For those who haven't seen it- even if you don't have a background in data science or chess, this report is extremely damning. He's an unapologetic, manipulative, pernicious cheater.

https://www.chess.com/...

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detalferous 18 points 3 years ago

That's 72 pages. Are there any highlights for interested non chess fanatics?

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skybreaker 1 point 3 years ago

The main part of the report is only 20 pages. And there are a lot of figures.

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HonoraryMancunian 9 points 3 years ago

"Only"

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skybreaker 8 points 3 years ago

I'm not convinced by that report. Their cheating detection method is inconclusive and if Hans had the ability to perform the "best" move in every circumstance due to cheating but didn't, that to me points to it being less likely. There are a lot of statistics in that report that seem extremely circumstantial like the "plateaus" in strength rating. If he was really cheating in the tournaments, I think there would be a whole lot more evidence.

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Kata1yst 15 points 3 years ago

This is "a whole lot of evidence". If he had, for example, a 10% chance to show up suspicious in any one of those charts that's one thing. But to be highlighted as the most suspicious in each is extraordinary evidence. How do you explain a greater than 10% drop in skill when a 15 minute TV delay was put in place? Or his ability to make incredibly complex, perfect moves in seconds? Or his continual, nearly unstoppable strength rating growth, you know, except for the two natural plateaus in rating where most players never continue to grow firmly in the middle of his growth curve?

If that report doesn't convince you, I doubt anything will.

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ThrowawayPermanente 4 points 3 years ago

If he always did what the engine tells him to do then the evidence would be overwhelming, yes. Hans is surely aware of this and avoids doing so because he wants to get away with it.

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MyDogLovesMe 19 points 3 years ago

Uhhhmmm, I don’t want to be intrusive, but how exactly does one use small beads to cheat at chess? I’m trying to figure this out, …but I keep losing anyway.

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HughJanus 19 points 3 years ago
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Jimmycrackcrack 11 points 3 years ago

Imagine Nieman's surprise once he discovered you were only supposed to put it on your ankle

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Norgur 12 points 3 years ago

Yeah. The whole comment section seems like it's super obvious... but seriously... how does one cheat with anal vibrators?

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DakkaDok 17 points 3 years ago

It's important to remember that he is certainly still very good at chess, even if he cheated in some games. He wouldn't need to have every move given to him, it might even be enough to give him a single signal that there is a non-obvious great move in a current position. Even just knowing that would probably be enough for him to find it by himself.

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bionicjoey 3 points 3 years ago

That's a good point. You wouldn't need to send an entire move. If you simply sent a message indicating which piece is the best to move, the player probably can find the place to move that piece.

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cryptosporidium140 12 points 3 years ago
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Voroxpete 13 points 3 years ago

This is mostly correct (standard chess notation is slightly more compact than what you described; a typical move looks like "Nf6", meaning kNight to F6. Normally there will only ever be one piece of the appropriate type that can reach any particular square, so only destination coordinates are needed. If it's necessary to say which piece, then you just give origin and destination, but omit the piece, since it's implied by the origin, so moves are typically 3 characters, never more than 4).

As a form of cheating, the use of what are generally called "thumpers" has been around for a long time. In casinos you would have a confederate sitting at an angle where they can see the dealer's hand, who would then signal to you what moves to make. In chess they would be watching the game, constantly plugging every move into a chess program like Stockfish, and then signalling what move the computer chooses. Your opponent is effectively playing the computer, not you.

Typical thumpers are a vibrating band that goes around a leg, or something hidden in the sole of a shoe. All you have to do is sit there and look thoughtful while you decode the message, which is most likely sent using Morse code. Where the sex toys come in is this wild theory concocted by the internet that a really good way to hide a thumper from any kind of frisking would be to use a Bluetooth controlled anal vibrator, since no one is likely to frisk you there. There's no proof that it's ever happened, but now it's a huge meme that chess is basically stuck with forever.

And yes, time is still an issue. Good players can move a lot faster than the time it takes for all that back and forth communication. The strategy, if someone ever suspects they're playing a cheater, is to play defensively and run out the clock.

(edited for clarity)

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collegefurtrader 11 points 3 years ago

Didn’t you see the always sunny episode?

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qaz 6 points 3 years ago

Morse code

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toomanyjoints69 1 point 3 years ago

It builds confidence by making you feel warm and safe.

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Luvs2Spuj 14 points 3 years ago

Still the greatest story I've ever read. I'll tell my grandchildren about this one day, and that's when they will put me in a home.

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zepheriths 8 points 3 years ago

Well seeing as chess.com has reinstated his account. We have no reason to not believe him

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Fisk400 8 points 3 years ago

Morgan continued: "To be clear, on the specific allegation - have you ever used anal beads while playing chess?"

The 20-year-old replied: "Well, your curiosity is a bit concerning, you know - maybe you're personally interested, but I can tell you, no.

I don't know about you but when I appear in a very serious interview and talk about the multimillion dollar damage an unfounded allegations has done to my career, I really want to make sure that I include some weird kink shaming right there in my defense. That will surely make me seem like a serious person that sponsors can trust.

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seSvxR3ull7LHaEZFIjM 33 points 3 years ago

I think it was rather commenting on the interviewer's inappropriate intrusiveness into an intimate topic rather than kinkshaming. Understandable that Niemann got defensive there, IMO.

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detalferous 12 points 3 years ago

It's literally the allegation.

How do you interview without asking about the allegation?

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seSvxR3ull7LHaEZFIjM 12 points 3 years ago

It's the meme allegation, the real allegation is just cheating without any butt stuff.

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1847953620 2 points 3 years ago

What's the point of cheating without butt stuff?

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BaconIsAVeg 7 points 3 years ago
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30mag 4 points 3 years ago
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bionicjoey 2 points 3 years ago

"Yes, but only for pleasure"

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QuinceDaPence 2 points 3 years ago

Sounds like something the pilot in Airplane! would say to Timmy or whatever his name was.

But also that caption has great meme potential.

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Gabu 4 points 3 years ago

The fact that's a thing is hilarious.

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