ikr
This is an interview💀
What are three questions you can ask someone new to know if they are friend material or not?
a year ago by 𝜯𝐞𝐡 𝜝𝐚𝐦𝐬𝐤𝐢 to c/asklemmy
TehBamski 10 points a year ago
Yeah I know not to just come out asking them these three questions. I just had the thought of what kind of questions you could ask to quickly and greatly understand the kind of person in front of you.
BertramDitore 7 points a year ago
I recently asked myself similar questions about two friends I knew for about 15 years. I thought I had been close with them, but I quickly answered No to all of them (plus a bunch of follow-ups I asked myself), and realized they were never real friends, or at least hadn’t been for a while, they were just people who were accustomed to seeing me and sometimes making plans together.
I always felt anxious after hanging out with them, never felt like they listened to or cared about anything I said, never remembered my preferences or things about my personal life from visit to visit, never believed me when I said I knew something, etc etc. It’s easy to get used to this kind of thing and to think it’s normal and healthy, but it was so exhausting and frustrating for me that I finally gave up and haven’t talked to them in over a year.
Sometimes these types of questions are super helpful in evaluating longstanding relationships as well as new ones.
blackbrook 5 points a year ago
But that very impulse is inimical to making friends. You make friends by being open to making friends, and by being interested in other people, regardless of whether they are 'friend material.'
You shouldn't even be assuming you know or can predict what makes someone friend material for you. One can be surprised.
CaptPretentious 10 points a year ago
What is your favorite color?
wildncrazyguy138 31 points a year ago
- hey, my name is _____, what’s yours?
- are you looking for new friends?
- great I do _____ on ______ days, would you like to join?
FlashMobOfOne 27 points a year ago
My dad, when I was a kid, used to open the door quickly, look down at my visiting friend and say "Who the hell are you?"
Then he'd shut the door abruptly, wait 3-4 seconds, then open it, laugh, and welcome them in.
If you can do that and they don't get offended, they're friend material.
RadicalEagle 29 points a year ago
Wide implementation of this technique would certainly explain why anxious/nervous people would have fewer friends.
6mementomorib 8 points a year ago
no.
corsicanguppy 5 points a year ago
My dad, when I was a kid, used to open the door quickly, look down at my visiting friend and say “Who the hell are you?”
Sad story time.
A friend of mine was visiting one of our mutual friends nearby in the big city while I was in the far, far outskirts. He was such a positive influence that I agreed to come visit at the same time and catch up, as he was always a great time. This excellent friend always brought a gallon of stories, his usual infectious manner, and this time he brought a surprise new girlfriend.
I did the "who the hell are you" and she got put off. It went reeeally poorly. They left for home the next day, ahead of schedule, back to America. He shut me out. Over the years he kinda shut everyone else there out, too, as far as I know, as he focused on the birth of two kids in succession and then his wife's affliction with an aggressive debilitating disease; it may have been ALS. He shut a lot of ancillary things and people out, and I get that of course, but I am disappointed that my last interaction was a bombed joke.
It's been 18 years. I finally booted him from my social media about 7-8 years ago.
ChonkyOwlbear 16 points a year ago
What's your favorite rock?
What is the strangest food you've ever tried?
What kind of nerd are you?
TehBamski 6 points a year ago
I'd say Hard Rock or Llanite.
Octopus rolls at a sushi bar. I wasn't a fan of it. It's too chewy for me.
I'm a well rounded nerd IMO. I'm into video games of all kinds, movies, TV shows and lore from Warhammer 40k.
How about yourself?
cows_are_underrated 1 point a year ago
lore from Warhammer 40k.
We are the Hammer
dharmacurious 5 points a year ago
Yes, but I haven't watched a ton.
Those two are my favorites of what I've seen (outside of Ghibli, which I feel like is a category unto itself).
I haven't seen the last season of Attack on Titan, so don't spoil it, but I feel like Eren is complicated enough that I'm not going to form a full opinion until I see how it plays out. Light, however, I think is an irredeemable sociopath that justified his murderlust by going after socially convenient targets until he decided it didn't matter anymore, and began to think of himself as a god.
Fucking excellent storytelling, but I didn't care for the L replacement kid
ThrowawayPermanente 4 points a year ago
Which game is your favorite, who is your favorite character, and do you only know their longest combo?
dharmacurious 2 points a year ago
I've never played, what do I need to know?
dependencyinjection 14 points a year ago
ASL
Jackhammer_Joe 5 points a year ago
17, w, cali
dependencyinjection 4 points a year ago
Suddenly feeling old.
40, m, Manchester UK.
dependencyinjection 3 points a year ago
How did we get here?
barneypiccolo 13 points a year ago
What music do you like?
MAGA?
If you like music, and hate MAGAs, we can be good friends.
If you dont like music, and hate MAGAs, we can probably still be friends.
If you LOVE the music I love, but are MAGA, then you can fuck right off. I don't hang with Nazis, no matter what your musical tastes are.
MTK 12 points a year ago
- Is modern medicine a scam?
- Is the current political world trend good or bad?
- Do you respect transgender people?
Reasoning:
- Are they conspiracy theorists
- Are they pro oppression and racism
- Are they tolerable of people who are seen as extremely outside of the standard norms and recognize that they don't pose a threat to them personally
PrimeErective 16 points a year ago
- Free
- Open
- Source
- Software
m_f 4 points a year ago
Close enough, you're cool. Here's the actual list though (wiki link):
- Freedom 0: The freedom to use the program for any purpose.
- Freedom 1: The freedom to study how the program works, and change it to make it do what you wish.
- Freedom 2: The freedom to redistribute and make copies so you can help your neighbor.
- Freedom 3: The freedom to improve the program, and release your improvements (and modified versions in general) to the public, so that the whole community benefits.
ThatGuy46475 9 points a year ago
What is your favorite deck
What is your favorite joker
What is your favorite spectral card
hakunawazo 4 points a year ago
Enterprise D - I like the carpet.
Heath Ledger.
Immolate - I'm not a destroyer, but $20 is $20.
NosferatuZodd 1 point a year ago
magic deck
blueprint
ankh
Jayjader 1 point a year ago
Red
Batter
Shit I can't remember most of them, but the "add 3 enchanted aces" is pretty solid (that is a spectral effect, right?)
As you might be able to tell, I play pretty conservatively. Though that might change once I've unlocked more.
demunted 1 point a year ago
The one I imagine where every right wing conservative is given a haymaker of justice.
The original tv Batman series was great growing up.
I'm too much of a nerd to understand - is this all a balatro reference?
dependencyinjection 1 point a year ago
- of cards
- any that isn’t folie a deux
- not sure what you mean
dadjokesfordays 9 points a year ago
What brings you happiness or joy in life?
What do you do for fun?
What's one thing you'd 100% recommend to someone brand new to the world?
neukenindekeuken 7 points a year ago
Just be interested and ask them questions about their life and hobbies and see if they do the same.
It's a starting place. The rest depends on building trust and respect and common interests.
doingthestuff 5 points a year ago
Do you drink coffee black?
What do you think of motorcycles?
What is the highest elevation you have hiked to?
CaptPretentious 3 points a year ago
Sometimes, depends on the coffee...
They're neat. Don't own one.
I live in the Great plains... So maybe like a +100 ft.
doingthestuff 1 point a year ago
Thank you for the reply. But check your elevation where you live, if I had any money I'd bet that where you sleep is much higher than 100' elevation :)
TehBamski 2 points a year ago
I don't drink coffee. Don't care if you do. But I do think people who "have to have my coffee," are weird.
I think motorcycles are cool. I totally get the appeal of feeling the road, the wind on your body, the excitement of letting it open up on a straightaway. I just don't think I could have one where I'm at and make it to the end of the year alive. Too many fucking truck princesses and a third of the drivers here drive like dog shit.
The highest elevation I've been to while hiking was just a bit over 9,000 ft. My group of four were bummed when we realized that not everyone (myself included) was gonna be able to make it to the top, as we weathered out. It was cold as fuck up there. We started seeing snowflakes coming down up ahead on the mountain. I ended up realizing that I would have become a rescue issue if I voted to go up. You live and you learn.
How about yourself?
doingthestuff 2 points a year ago
I enjoy coffee but I mostly quit caffeine a few years ago so I don't need my coffee. I do enjoy a quality water-processed decaf a couple of times a week. I like strong and black, no sweetener.
I've owned a few motorcycles and technically I still do but it isn't running and isn't a priority this year. I have other things I'm investing in. You can ride anywhere if you learn to ride super defensively and wear quality gear head to foot.I want to come home to my family every time. It's a ton of fun though and I like to go motocamping.
I like to hike mountains but I'm currently in the eastern US so I only make it to nice mountains about every other year. The Smokies have great challenging hikes but they're no fourteeners. I know that number doesn't make sense to metric people. I've hiked seven mountains over 14k feet, a few of them more than once. The tallest is Mount Whitney in California, the highest point in the contiguous 48 states. I'd like to travel to climb something taller. I'd like to also climb Mount Rainier even though it's a little shorter, just for the winter mountaineering. I already own snow shoes, crampons, Ice axe etc. I'm getting older so it's getting higher on my bucket list.
Condiment2085 5 points a year ago
The one I thought of was actually "What do you think about astrology?"
The answer I am looking for is neither that they believe or don't believe it, I want to hear something between. Something like
"It's fun! I love seeing the connections between people born with similar birthdays and stuff, and honestly it does seem accurate sometimes. But also I don't live by it! What about you?"
This open, honest way of communicating is what's important. Didn't knock the idea down or support it 100%, just approached with an open mind.
Condiment2085 2 points a year ago
Why? I don't see how astrology hurts anybody (unless people take it to extremes, like not dating someone because of their signs or something like that.)
Moobythegoldensock 7 points a year ago
Having an open mind is great and all, but once you’ve gathered enough information to take a position you’re not obligated to coddle those who remain willfully ignorant. I’ve personally never found astrology “fun,” it’s stupid woo that encourages people to adopt other stupid woo. At a time when anti-intellectualism is being institutionalized into government policy (in the US at least,) I don’t see how anyone in good faith can actively encourage that.
Condiment2085 1 point a year ago
I don't take astrology that seriously, it's more of a conversation starter or a tool for introspection. Sometimes I see things about my birthdate that help me notice new things about myself, and sometimes it just seems made up.
Connecting astrology to anti-intellectualism is a pretty big reach in my opinion. I don't think the ideas of astrology, religion, magic, etc should be applied to policy that impacts anybody else.
ace_garp 0 points a year ago
But, magical thinking can creep into policy, often with disastrous results.
A more solid footing can be achieved by consulting science educators, for perspective about our place in the universe.
Condiment2085 2 points a year ago
I see your point - but there's always going to be questions science can't answer because science is based only on what we can observe and measure.
A big one is "where did everything come from"
So I don't see a way of avoiding magical or spiritual thinking - it's likely more important to separate that from fact when making decisions that effect more than just you :)
dharmacurious 2 points a year ago
My answer would be something along the lines of: I think astrology is vague enough to apply pretty generally, but the interesting thing about it is seeing people's reactions. It's a social placebo, and we can see how different people read into the same thing. "A new experience awaits you, Aries" and we see one person anticipating a raise a work, and thus behaving more confidently and getting it, while another is expecting divorce papers, and their behavior is helping them to reach that goal, too.
Condiment2085 2 points a year ago
Pretty fair view on astrology! I have some friends/family members who have very close birthdays and it's actually remarkable how similar they are in certain ways. I feel like I typically see the similarities in the way they handle things like relationships, power dynamics, confidence, and they sort of thing.
For example I know many Geminis, and one pattern I've noticed is that they are all passive aggressive types. Like they won't tell you about a problem until it's too late, and then they will boil over and you'll end up in a fight about something that could have been resolved so much easier.
Could that be confirmation bias on my part? Definitely. But still it's a fun tool for introspection if you don't take it too far :) I also like to think of the history behind it and how humans developed it in such a human way just from observations.
cows_are_underrated 2 points a year ago
Well 1 and 3 devinetively coreallate with each other.
TehBamski 2 points a year ago
I like so many kinds of music that it would take me 10 or so minutes just to craft a list for you. But to give perspective, I'm into Classical music, Speed Metal, Indie Pop, House music, Electric Swing, Ambient, some Hip Hop, Phonk, Progressive Metal, etc.
Not sure how to answer this one. So I'll take it as an 'ultimate day with the guys' list... Keanu Reeves, Robin Williams, Samuel L. Jackson, Jon Stewart, and Mike Rowe.
Yeah, I can't even remember the names of the gals I would for the first two. As for kill, and get away with it... Well, he's dead, but I would bring him back again just so I could kill him for us all. Ronald Reagan.
leaky_shower_thought 1 point a year ago
most of my questions would be subjective and may not apply to others:
- what kinds of plants have survived you taking care of them? how?
- paracetamol, ibuprofen, naproxen or NSAID? why?
- what's your funny youtube link you are comfortable to share? what makes it amusing?
leaky_shower_thought 3 points a year ago
loool, good answer!
BackgrndNoize 2 points a year ago
Trick question
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asklemmy
@lemmy.world
41826
9860
9021
A Fediverse community for open-ended, thought provoking questions
Rules: (interactive)
1) Be nice and; have fun
Doxxing, trolling, sealioning, racism, toxicity and dog-whistling are not welcomed in AskLemmy. Remember what your mother said: if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. In addition, the site-wide Lemmy.world terms of service also apply here. Please familiarize yourself with them
2) All posts must end with a '?'
This is sort of like Jeopardy. Please phrase all post titles in the form of a proper question ending with ?
3) No spam
Please do not flood the community with nonsense. Actual suspected spammers will be banned on site. No astroturfing.
4) NSFW is okay, within reason
Just remember to tag posts with either a content warning or a [NSFW] tag. Overtly sexual posts are not allowed, please direct them to either !asklemmyafterdark@lemmy.world or !asklemmynsfw@lemmynsfw.com. NSFW comments should be restricted to posts tagged [NSFW].
5) This is not a support community.
It is not a place for 'how do I?', type questions. If you have any questions regarding the site itself or would like to report a community, please direct them to Lemmy.world Support or email info@lemmy.world. For other questions check our partnered communities list, or use the search function.
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Please don't delete your post for no apparent reason. If you plan on deleting a question later, say so in the post, or if you feel that you have a good reason to remove it, message a mod beforehand. It's not fair to the ones who took their time to answer, and it's not in the spirit of the community.
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