Federal agents in DC assaulted with sandwich, freedom fighter escapes

10 months ago by Sundray to c/nottheonion

A hero of the resistance, clad in a pink polo shirt and Bermuda shorts, whipped what appears to be a footlong Subway sandwich at Trump's occupying force in Washington, DC.
mitch 100 points 10 months ago

Godspeed, you hero of gyros, you hoagie heroine, you rigoletto of Ruebens...

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RizzRustbolt 32 points 10 months ago

A grinder goodie.

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Remember_the_tooth 34 points 10 months ago

The Po' Boy Protestor

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j_roby 24 points 10 months ago

An American Gyro

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nkat2112 11 points 10 months ago

My goodness, so poetic - I love it! And I fully agree with you.

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resipsaloquitur 7 points 10 months ago

Sammie Samaritan.

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HellsBelle 69 points 10 months ago path: 0 18749189, hotness: undefined, score: 69, children: 7
prole 33 points 10 months ago

The way they leapt at him the moment he threw it tells me that what he was saying and doing was actually getting to them.

We need more of this.

Also, I know I often laugh when I'm uncomfortable, so maybe that's it, but the camera man is about to find out that maybe having the Gestapo take over your city isn't actually funny.

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burntbacon 5 points 10 months ago

The way they leapt at him the moment he threw it tells me that what he was saying and doing was actually getting to them.

I mean, I highly doubt it. They were paying keen attention to the fellow screaming and yelling within a chucked sandwich distance, and he then threw a sandwich at them. They'd probably been considering what they could get him on (besides white or rye) for the entire time he was yelling at them because anyone close and loud is likely the biggest 'threat' much more so than any of them having a brain at the point of them going in with any seriousness after being ordered into a city with a lower per capita crime rate than the white house.

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prole 4 points 10 months ago

Right, but like all of them took off after him lol

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violetsoftness 22 points 10 months ago

this was beautiful thanks for sharing it

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khannie 19 points 10 months ago

Damn! He was close when he threw it. Solid work getting away.

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Chivera 16 points 10 months ago

That sub belongs in a museum

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DragonTypeWyvern 2 points 10 months ago

Oh, Spez is working on it

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j_roby 62 points 10 months ago

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DaddleDew 54 points 10 months ago

Are those the dangerous gangmembers Trump was talking about?

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RedPostItNote 17 points 10 months ago

Don’t you know it’s worse than Baghdad!

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mcbenavides85 1 point 10 months ago
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Formfiller 43 points 10 months ago

Not all heroes wear capes

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Remember_the_tooth 26 points 10 months ago

But he does have a wrapsheet that's a foot long.

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ColeSloth 7 points 10 months ago

Some just have hero sandwiches?

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beatnixxx 28 points 10 months ago

a domestic terrorist using a sandwich of mass destruction. /s

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FuckFascism 4 points 10 months ago
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burntbacon 1 point 10 months ago

Just like taco bell, you should probably get your colon's health checked digitally if eating a random sandwich from a chain is giving you issues.

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possiblylinux127 2 points 10 months ago

The murder weapon was composed of ham and cheese

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Bronzebeard 22 points 10 months ago

The hero we need.

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aegis_sum 26 points 10 months ago

The gyro we need.

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ColeSloth -3 points 10 months ago

A large sandwich\sub is literally known as a "hero" sandwich. Why would you try to take that perfection away to go for "gyro" , that is neither pronounced the same, or is a similar sandwich?

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FlashMobOfOne 8 points 10 months ago

You should know, Cole, that everyone loves a pedant.

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PattyMcB 6 points 10 months ago

Plus gyro DOES rhyme with hero

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Sinthesis 3 points 10 months ago

adjust nerd glasses technically speaking...the greek word gyro is pronounced "eeer-o" so its not that far off from "here-o"

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HeyThisIsntTheYMCA 3 points 10 months ago

book 'im lou. one count of bein' a bear, one count of bein' accessory to bein' a bear

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sylvieslayer 2 points 10 months ago

.......go google Greek Gyro, then go find your closest Greek restaurant and educate your taste buds. Tust. They will be happy.

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ColeSloth 1 point 10 months ago

Oh, don't get me wrong. I love eating them. But the guy threw a hero sandwich.

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bizarroland 21 points 10 months ago

That slow run was like ballet.

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RaoulDook 19 points 10 months ago

What's the charge? Delivering a footlong meal? A succulent foot-long meal?

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LordCrom 3 points 10 months ago

It would be assault of a police officer and resisting arrest. Looks like that guy in pink was running in slow motion vs the special forces wanna be's wearing 50 lbs of armor and equipment.

Throwing sandwiches should become the new protest en masse.

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chatokun 3 points 10 months ago

I think it's just a play on succulent Chinese meal guy (he's dead now).

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RymrgandsDaughter 18 points 10 months ago

Nah he was a hero delivering justice

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paraphrand 17 points 10 months ago

Cops love sandwiches.

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MedicPigBabySaver 12 points 10 months ago

Fucking fantastic!

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mrgoosmoos 9 points 10 months ago

what a hero

handoff food delivery for those fine fucks, whoops folks, in the gestapo

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atzanteol 7 points 10 months ago

"assault and resisting arrest".

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maam 6 points 10 months ago

Never mess with the heavy eating his sandwich

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Jumi 5 points 10 months ago

Did he get away?

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GreenKnight23 0 points 10 months ago

it's literally in the title. lol

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HeyThisIsntTheYMCA 5 points 10 months ago path: 0 18757775, hotness: undefined, score: 5, children: 0
otter 3 points 10 months ago

So... I gotta know. Was it a hero's hero he launched?

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uriel238 3 points 10 months ago

I keep trying to formulate a plan in my head:

On one hand ACAB: They all promote the national security culture within the law enforcement sector that we civilians are the enemy. The departments are all corrupt through and through

On the other hand the non ICE officers hate being used as S𝑖𝑐ℎ𝑒𝑟ℎ𝑒𝑖𝑡𝑠𝑑𝑖𝑒𝑛𝑠�_ or Einsatzgruppen (German SD, or Death Squads, respectively) to pick on innocent civilians to be shuttled away to concentration camps. And I wonder if there was a way for the public to tell them we're sorry they are being abused by being repurposed as general goon squads, and if that might encourage them to resist more than they do.

Also, ICE agents, either pre-Trump used to sometimes engage in action that at least had the appearance of legitimacy, e.g. tracking people with violent records. New recruits (post OBBBA Budget) were told they'll be hunting the worst of the worst and then are picking up day laborers and ice-cream vendors, which is soul crushing for even MAGAs who wanted to be the hero.

We need to be able to take these sentiments and weaponize them against the system, and the policy-makers that are forcing them to be evil fucks for The Man.

I don't know the specifics, but there's a schematic in there somewhere.

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otter 3 points 10 months ago

Oh? They "hate" that, do they? Cite your references to that claim, please. Otherwise, your comment seems to stop at "ACAB" in its efficacy. 🤌🏼

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CanadianCarl 1 point 10 months ago

ACAB? American cops are bad?

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uriel238 4 points 10 months ago

All Cops Are Bastards, a sentiment that arises from the blue code of silence, so that even the well-meaning ones are obligated to lie in court to defend the violent ones, what allowed the loyalty-over-principle sector to rise into power, which is why there is such staunch resistance against publication of disciplinary hearings against police who misbehaved or broke laws, even though such documents are supposed to be public as per FOIA statutes.

When California passed a law reinforcing the notion that such files would be made accessible to the public, the precincts literally shredded or burned their files.

The institutions are corrupt through and through. It was especially evident during the Ferguson unrest, when the blue lines showed they had no trigger discipline for the military hardware they were wielding. It was laughable, except for the danger they were posing to the demonstrators.

Officers who seek to serve their communities quit. Some of them have publicly denounce police services and have become staunch police abolitionists. The only officers that remain are either violent killers, or the ones willing to cover for violent killers.

All cops are bastards.

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CanadianCarl 1 point 10 months ago

The police in my province are nice and helpful whenever I talk to them.

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uriel238 1 point 10 months ago

Your province is not in the US.

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GreenKnight23 1 point 10 months ago path: 0 18758693, hotness: undefined, score: 1, children: 0
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