Well yeah, it's the emotional come down from it. Being mad isn't just a logical state, its a biochemically based emotion. It doesn't go away immediately, you gotta take a breather and process your emotions as they cool off. As that's happening you can feel steamrolled or like you aren't being listened to because the reason for the argument isn't actually the thing, it's that you had a need and you got into it about the thing because that seemed a way to get the need met. And like, yeah, that's a skill you need to learn regardless, but it's basically a form of relationship where there's no excuses and you feel like you're always the unreasonable one.

And yeah, this has been how the first two or three years of my relationship with my wife forced me to git gud. Way better than stupid fights, but yeah it was not easy as someone who had had a disorganized attachment style that leaned anxious.

Often times people are incorrect about specifics, but correct or valid in the point they were attempting to make.

It’s obnoxious to deal with analytical or biased people who can never look past the surface level.

A lot of people are assuming that "having citations" is equivalent to "being right". It's not, it also includes one of the most frustrating cases of them being wrong.

Like for example if the citations all come from the bible. Or if the argument is about something personal like wanting more kids.

I don't understand your conclusion.

Yes, Manhattan distance exists, it has a name. But I don't understand how having a name makes it faster "a straight line distance" also has a name, euclidean distance. And always euclidean ≤ Manhattan.

So if on both routes you go at the same speed, it is faster to take the one of the euclidean distance.

Just a friendly correction in case it's not an autocorrect/STT issue: it's latter

Yeah, among other things. It's an aspect of the relationship that required quite a bit of emotional growth early on and still requires maintenance work. I mostly commented because it's the sort of thing that sounds awesome when you don't have it, is awesome once you've learned to have it, and can really exacerbate any self esteem issues and highlight struggles communicating issues you're experiencing when you're new to it.

I likely just projected my experiences of the tumultuous early stages of what has grown into a deeply happy marriage onto this post because in it I saw a younger version of myself struggling not to catastrophize and worry that the best person I ever met for me would realize I wasn't good enough for her after a conflict.

Yeah that's what the end of my comment was about. It also involved a lot of both of us learning to communicate and emotionally process better. We also have moved towards treating the fact finding portion of disagreements as neutral and mutual while framing our understanding of the facts with how certain we are included. "I thought I remembered it being this, I'm going to check" is way more constructive than "no it's this, here's where Wikipedia says you're wrong"

drug dog handlers will plant the occasional drug if it’s been too long without a bust, so the dogs don’t get depressed

Yeah...sure...that's why.

I think that stance only really holds when talking about arguments where you can't reasonably convince the other person. Like, I'd be frustrated if my wife was conceding arguments just to make me happy, I don't want to stay wrong. But I have had the thought when coming down of "why is it that I'm always the unreasonable one", and given that I was coming down from an argument it was not charitably toned.

Being right or happy is more about someone being in the wrong. If you think it's normal to wear shoes in the house and your partner doesn't, it doesn't matter that your area is largely pro shoe in home, if it matters to your partner the wise choice is to accept that their happiness with the situation is more important to you than winning the fight or even getting to keep wearing shoes at home.

When you have a partner like the librarian you also often have to ask if you want to win or be right. And if the answer is win you need to really ask yourself why, because if your partner is right and you'd still rather win, something is wrong. Hopefully it's that you're like me and needed some maturity and to learn to express needs before they show up in an unrelated argument.

That's not true at all.

My gf has awful logical reasoning skills. Which leads to her being wrong on many small arguments that can easily be proved with simple logic.

There is no amount of reasoning that will make her change her mind. So in the end, she is always right because there is no other option. That is incredibly frustrating and I end up being neither "right" nor happy.

It was an excellent product if I pushed it. I didn't sell shitty stuff unless the customer demanded that specific product, and I'd always ask if they wanted to hear about alternatives.

I did not sell at a good price. I never actually lied, and was in fact very honest. But I used the trust created by that honesty to make sales that were not necessarily great deals for the customer.

Not a salesman personally but I was raised by one. I think he tried to get as good a deal for customers as he reasonably could, but the thing that’s always stuck with me is when he told me: “People don’t buy from me because I have the best deals. People buy from me to buy from me.”

Some salesmen may offer good or bad deals, but ultimately what they’re selling is themselves, their personality, their companionship to some degree. My dad could talk to anyone and build a relationship within an hour. It’s who he was, and he leveraged it to make a lot of money because his customers liked talking to him.

Buying through a commissioned salesman will likely always be at least a few percentage points more expensive than using an online portal, but there are a lot of people who will feel like it’s worth it if the salesman is doing their job right.

Suspension of disbelief is a thing.