Shots fired.

3 years ago by BonesOfTheMoon to c/memes

Empricorn 195 points 3 years ago

Ignoring the obvious joke, she doesn't display any of Jesus's qualities. Is she gentle, caring, and compassionate? Does she humbly serve the poor and the disadvantaged? Does she forgive her enemies and bless those who oppose her? Does she sacrifice for the benefit of others!?

I'm a Christian and while I don't know for certain, I believe God knows the heart. But I don't expect to see her in Heaven...

path: 0 3589793, hotness: undefined, score: 195, children: 28
drolex 91 points 3 years ago

she doesn't display any of Jesus's qualities

Disagree.

She has long hair. Ok, not specified in the bible, but it's canon at this point.

Also the episode of Jesus whoring at the theatre... Wait what is this bible?

path: 0 3589793 3590457, hotness: undefined, score: 91, children: 17
Setarkus 25 points 3 years ago

For a moment I really thought there was something in the bible that could be seen as Jesus "whoring at the theater"

path: 0 3589793 3590457 3590829, hotness: undefined, score: 25, children: 8
lars 13 points 3 years ago

If US Christians are making it up as they go and seeing whatever they wanna see in the Bible, then I call upon you, my child, to announce your submission to the Parable of Jesus the Whore of the Theater and the Christ.

path: 0 3589793 3590457 3590829 3591868, hotness: undefined, score: 13, children: 4
Setarkus 8 points 3 years ago

I'll wait for a good uncensored chatbot to write me a seemingly truthful story about exactly that. I wonder how many people would believe it if I just showed them

path: 0 3589793 3590457 3590829 3591868 3592697, hotness: undefined, score: 8, children: 3
frezik 4 points 3 years ago

Might be in one of the Gnostic gospels.

path: 0 3589793 3590457 3590829 3600692, hotness: undefined, score: 4, children: 1
drolex 5 points 3 years ago

Brawndon 6:4-7 And thus went Big J to the theatre, for Pagliacus was in town. But when the spectacle started, Jesus was overcome by the lust of whoring. And so it came to pass that he was brought to the tribunal for indecent exposure, and whoring, and petty theft and also grand theft auto, bribery, and contempt, and illegal possession of firearms, and possession and sale of drugs, and illegal possession of a dangerous animal.

path: 0 3589793 3590457 3590829 3600692 3602064, hotness: undefined, score: 5, children: 0
killeronthecorner 1 point 3 years ago

Try posting it on Facebook. Your religious friends will be sharing it as hard facts by dinner.

path: 0 3589793 3590457 3590829 3630501, hotness: undefined, score: 1, children: 0
eestileib 16 points 3 years ago

Jesus had hair like lamb's wool, canonically.

path: 0 3589793 3590457 3593293, hotness: undefined, score: 16, children: 4
GreatGrapeApe 7 points 3 years ago

And olive skin

path: 0 3589793 3590457 3593293 3594956, hotness: undefined, score: 7, children: 3
some_guy 17 points 3 years ago

No, he was the only white guy in the middle east, as proven buy all church depictions, which are basically photographs. /s

path: 0 3589793 3590457 3593293 3594956 3595282, hotness: undefined, score: 17, children: 1
pedro 4 points 3 years ago

I knew the guy was an alien!

path: 0 3589793 3590457 3593293 3594956 3600671, hotness: undefined, score: 4, children: 0
Ya_Boy_Skinny_Penis 9 points 3 years ago

She is also white, like Jesus.

path: 0 3589793 3590457 3601394, hotness: undefined, score: 9, children: 1
drolex 6 points 3 years ago

True true. And also christian, like Jesus the Jew.

path: 0 3589793 3590457 3601394 3601462, hotness: undefined, score: 6, children: 0
leaky_shower_thought 3 points 3 years ago

i've heard about this supply-side jesus doing miracles. she pretty much raised some dead tent there.

path: 0 3589793 3590457 3611050, hotness: undefined, score: 3, children: 0
Chariotwheel 20 points 3 years ago

Jesus would've given handies in the cinema if he was asked.

path: 0 3589793 3590639, hotness: undefined, score: 20, children: 2
usualsuspect191 5 points 3 years ago

Through the holes?

path: 0 3589793 3590639 3598033, hotness: undefined, score: 5, children: 0
ViewSonik 3 points 3 years ago

*�

path: 0 3589793 3590639 3590675, hotness: undefined, score: 3, children: 0
someguy3 16 points 3 years ago

MAGA Christian, which is the majority of "Christians".

path: 0 3589793 3591642, hotness: undefined, score: 16, children: 1
Empricorn 0 points 3 years ago

I can't tell which part you're replying to. Are you saying I'm MAGA!? I agree that unfortunately most "Christians" are, but I dare you to check my history...

path: 0 3589793 3591642 3608961, hotness: undefined, score: 0, children: 0
los_chill 9 points 3 years ago

Seems like "Christianity" and "following Jesus' teachings, words, and example" are completely at odds. I appreciate what you are saying. Why don't we hear Jesus Followers calling out "Christians" more vocally and often? I'd expect more of a break in the church at this point, but it seems like a fairly united front to me even now.

path: 0 3589793 3616333, hotness: undefined, score: 9, children: 3
samus12345 6 points 3 years ago

I have to conclude that the vast majority of Christians are fine with people being shitty as long as they identify as Christian.

path: 0 3589793 3616333 3627541, hotness: undefined, score: 6, children: 0
Franzia 5 points 3 years ago

There are Unitarian churches and similar places of worship that don't allow this bigotry.

path: 0 3589793 3616333 3633705, hotness: undefined, score: 5, children: 0
Empricorn 1 point 3 years ago

Absolutely, they're at-odds! Church attendance is down and people like me will now walk out if the pastor/leadership starts talking about following Trump. As for why that is, I don't know. I think people have been following money and power rather than Jesus for a while now...

path: 0 3589793 3616333 3638760, hotness: undefined, score: 1, children: 0
Cornpop 0 points 3 years ago

Give atheism a try, you won't regret it.

path: 0 3589793 3599308, hotness: undefined, score: 0, children: 0
bobbytables 136 points 3 years ago

Oh common guys, that doesn't have to be about oral sex and you know it.

It could just as well be about doggy style.

path: 0 3593429, hotness: undefined, score: 136, children: 9
Valmond 49 points 3 years ago

But she sucks so hard

path: 0 3593429 3595868, hotness: undefined, score: 49, children: 6
n3m37h 6 points 3 years ago

Golf ball through a garden hose hard? If not it's still not worth it

path: 0 3593429 3595868 3598518, hotness: undefined, score: 6, children: 5
TheCannonball 7 points 3 years ago

Soft ball through a straw

path: 0 3593429 3595868 3598518 3600894, hotness: undefined, score: 7, children: 1
Cabrio 2 points 3 years ago
path: 0 3593429 3595868 3598518 3600894 3603616, hotness: undefined, score: 2, children: 0
DrCatface 5 points 3 years ago

she could suck start a harley

path: 0 3593429 3595868 3598518 3604695, hotness: undefined, score: 5, children: 1
DrCatface 4 points 3 years ago

she could suck the bend out of a river

path: 0 3593429 3595868 3598518 3604695 3604706, hotness: undefined, score: 4, children: 0
slurpeesoforion 3 points 3 years ago

Probably not. She's got the pursed lips of a twenty year smoker.

path: 0 3593429 3595868 3598518 3603673, hotness: undefined, score: 3, children: 0
some_guy 13 points 3 years ago

Wow. Way to circumvent my comment with a clever zip in the other direction. I love it.

path: 0 3593429 3595235, hotness: undefined, score: 13, children: 1
smoof 7 points 3 years ago

Sigh... unzips.

path: 0 3593429 3595235 3595485, hotness: undefined, score: 7, children: 0
FUCKRedditMods 100 points 3 years ago

She’s apparently equally strong while seated in a crowded movie theater.

path: 0 3589190, hotness: undefined, score: 100, children: 3
clearedtoland 36 points 3 years ago

This is the part that really got me. We’re all human and have our urges, no shame there. The average unknown Joe Schmoe knows to contain themselves in public - let alone a public figure with all eyes on them. What was the thought process?

path: 0 3589190 3589868, hotness: undefined, score: 36, children: 2
Reverendender 50 points 3 years ago

It’s Bobo, friend, there is no “thought” process

path: 0 3589190 3589868 3589917, hotness: undefined, score: 50, children: 0
mosiacmango 33 points 3 years ago

The theater is dark, and she probably didn't realize it had night vision cameras for security. Most people will also not have phones at hand, as its a rude act in a theater.

She really thought she could be an asshole because social pressure and darkness made it hard to prove she was an asshole after the fact. Its why she came out lying hard about vaping around pregnant women and somehow didn't mention have her chest gropped and grabbing for dick around a bunch of people/kids.

path: 0 3589190 3589868 3592149, hotness: undefined, score: 33, children: 0
Darkassassin07 87 points 3 years ago

She's certainly good on her knees, but Jesus' got nothing to do with it...

path: 0 3588940, hotness: undefined, score: 87, children: 4
Son_of_dad 47 points 3 years ago

Jesus take the shaft

path: 0 3588940 3589605, hotness: undefined, score: 47, children: 3
IHeartBadCode 18 points 3 years ago

Catholic priests: That's what I keep telling the alter boy!

path: 0 3588940 3589605 3590664, hotness: undefined, score: 18, children: 1
Darkassassin07 1 point 3 years ago
path: 0 3588940 3589605 3590664 3601648, hotness: undefined, score: 1, children: 0
MsPenguinette 2 points 3 years ago path: 0 3588940 3589605 3591970, hotness: undefined, score: 2, children: 0
themeatbridge 77 points 3 years ago

Shit like this makes me think she knows exactly what she's doing, and she's trying to position herself as the Sexy Nun archetype. She tries to be good but can't help that the world sexualizes her against her will (wink). She would be ever so grateful to any strong, Christian men who might come to her aid and defend her honor from the lustful satanists.

path: 0 3589331, hotness: undefined, score: 77, children: 11
chemicalprophet 37 points 3 years ago

This lady dumb as a box of hair, bless her soul...

path: 0 3589331 3589422, hotness: undefined, score: 37, children: 1
SturgiesYrFase 8 points 3 years ago

Heard this on a podcast today:
10gal hat for a ½oz brain.

path: 0 3589331 3589422 3595370, hotness: undefined, score: 8, children: 0
000999 29 points 3 years ago

She probably thinks, in all honesty, that the average person is too stupid to understand the innuendo, and that only the clever ones will get it, like it's some exclusive inside joke.

path: 0 3589331 3590781, hotness: undefined, score: 29, children: 3
A7thStone 16 points 3 years ago

Only 150+ IQ people can solve this puzzle.

path: 0 3589331 3590781 3591470, hotness: undefined, score: 16, children: 1
Weirdfish 2 points 3 years ago

Must have a low IQ cause that's one box I'm not even going to try and open.

path: 0 3589331 3590781 3591470 3595817, hotness: undefined, score: 2, children: 0
essteeyou 1 point 3 years ago
path: 0 3589331 3590781 3592050, hotness: undefined, score: 1, children: 0
kingludd 7 points 3 years ago

It's all branding for all of them.

path: 0 3589331 3589875, hotness: undefined, score: 7, children: 0
SkyezOpen -10 points 3 years ago

Shit like this makes me think people don't recognize fake tweets anymore.

path: 0 3589331 3591992, hotness: undefined, score: -10, children: 3
mosiacmango 19 points 3 years ago path: 0 3589331 3591992 3592210, hotness: undefined, score: 19, children: 1
SkyezOpen 5 points 3 years ago

Fuck me. Thought this was in light of her recent shenanigans. In that case I'll say fuck whoever cropped this without the date.

path: 0 3589331 3591992 3592210 3598108, hotness: undefined, score: 5, children: 0
themeatbridge 4 points 3 years ago

You're correct, it's really hard to tell nowadays, and you proved your own point. This is a real tweet, but I don't blame you for thinking it's satire.

path: 0 3589331 3591992 3597519, hotness: undefined, score: 4, children: 0
Coreidan 54 points 3 years ago

So she gives good head. Woopty do.

path: 0 3604487, hotness: undefined, score: 54, children: 1
radioactiveradio 7 points 3 years ago

You're gonna have to stand on some books cuz knees too strong.

path: 0 3604487 3608104, hotness: undefined, score: 7, children: 0
Donjuanme 49 points 3 years ago

I think they tossed her from the theater before she was "driven" to her knees.

path: 0 3601531, hotness: undefined, score: 49, children: 0
buddascrayon 35 points 3 years ago

And she's got that poofy hair so you can set your beer on her head...

path: 0 3606797, hotness: undefined, score: 35, children: 0
Nollij 33 points 3 years ago

I wouldn't even expect her to be good at that. She has the same personality as those who are bad at it- arrogant, condescending, etc. The traits that make her a bad person also tend to make bad lovers.

path: 0 3599233, hotness: undefined, score: 33, children: 1
Shave_MyBeever 6 points 3 years ago

Yeah, she'd have to kinda turn around and root down under the sheet until she could find the hole that had been cut out, and all of this without her glasses no doubt. Doesn't make for memorable oral.

path: 0 3599233 3601636, hotness: undefined, score: 6, children: 0
Engywuck 31 points 3 years ago

She's cumpletely right.

path: 0 3588915, hotness: undefined, score: 31, children: 1
expatriado 8 points 3 years ago

i won't believe it until she shows me

path: 0 3588915 3589615, hotness: undefined, score: 8, children: 0
negativeyoda 26 points 3 years ago

As an atheist who was raised Christian I'm torn.

On one hand, God dies not take kindly to charlatans and blowhards. On the other hand, I am of the belief that this life is all there is and shitty people like her are statistically unlikely to get some cosmic comeuppance after death

path: 0 3604151, hotness: undefined, score: 26, children: 8
Bristlecone 26 points 3 years ago

Right, that's the thing they don't get. Might surprise them to learn, I almost wish their beliefs were true, so that they might taste that eternal fire they wish on others for their own shitty actions and thoughts

path: 0 3604151 3604784, hotness: undefined, score: 26, children: 2
Rockyrikoko 14 points 3 years ago

As an atheist, I wish we could have a rapture so the rest of us could get on with our lives

path: 0 3604151 3604784 3612082, hotness: undefined, score: 14, children: 1
samus12345 3 points 3 years ago

Depends. Do the people they think are saved go, or is it people who actually follow Jesus' teachings? The former would be great, but the latter would mean losing some good people.

path: 0 3604151 3604784 3612082 3627306, hotness: undefined, score: 3, children: 0
dbilitated 9 points 3 years ago

blowhards

indeed. heh.

path: 0 3604151 3604679, hotness: undefined, score: 9, children: 0
c0mbatbag3l 4 points 3 years ago

Sam here all around, it's unfortunate that she won't get punished for being a huge POS. She's just going to live life convinced she's some oppressed and just individual.

path: 0 3604151 3605011, hotness: undefined, score: 4, children: 0
steakmeout 3 points 3 years ago

God dies not take kindly to charlatans and blowhards

I thought God was perfect and loved all.his children equally.

path: 0 3604151 3604917, hotness: undefined, score: 3, children: 2
samus12345 4 points 3 years ago

Going by what happens in this life, God seems to reward shitty people.

path: 0 3604151 3604917 3627478, hotness: undefined, score: 4, children: 0
c0mbatbag3l 3 points 3 years ago

Idk man the Bible has God hating a lot of people. Sometimes individuals, sometimes groups.

path: 0 3604151 3604917 3628965, hotness: undefined, score: 3, children: 0
OprahsedCreature 23 points 3 years ago

She knew

path: 0 3593477, hotness: undefined, score: 23, children: 0
wyzim 23 points 3 years ago

Are we not doing phrasing anymore?! - Archer

path: 0 3598693, hotness: undefined, score: 23, children: 0
not_that_guy05 21 points 3 years ago

Bobo, what the fuck are you talking about?

path: 0 3602563, hotness: undefined, score: 21, children: 6
Dkarma 25 points 3 years ago

What are you talking about?
We've seen the video. You read the tweet.

This woman has obviously sucked a whole bag of dicks.

path: 0 3602563 3603473, hotness: undefined, score: 25, children: 5
WhiskyTangoFoxtrot 7 points 3 years ago

In a row?

path: 0 3602563 3603473 3610594, hotness: undefined, score: 7, children: 2
pingveno 5 points 3 years ago

Row, column, matrix. The possibilities are endless.

path: 0 3602563 3603473 3610594 3611765, hotness: undefined, score: 5, children: 0
DickFiasco 1 point 3 years ago

Try not to suck any dicks on your way out of the theater!

path: 0 3602563 3603473 3610594 3641043, hotness: undefined, score: 1, children: 0
not_that_guy05 3 points 3 years ago

Why does she have a bag of Richards, and why is she just sucking on people named Richard? Is this some Republican kink?

path: 0 3602563 3603473 3607366, hotness: undefined, score: 3, children: 1
WhiskyTangoFoxtrot 2 points 3 years ago

They really like Nixon.

path: 0 3602563 3603473 3607366 3634039, hotness: undefined, score: 2, children: 0
Norgur 17 points 3 years ago

Whose shots have been fired exactly?

path: 0 3589944, hotness: undefined, score: 17, children: 2
Orbituary 19 points 3 years ago

Cum shots.

path: 0 3589944 3590061, hotness: undefined, score: 19, children: 1
Norgur 9 points 3 years ago

That's not an answer to my question, captain obvious, Sir.

path: 0 3589944 3590061 3590094, hotness: undefined, score: 9, children: 0
Colour_me_triggered 15 points 3 years ago
path: 0 3597965, hotness: undefined, score: 15, children: 0
carl_dungeon 13 points 3 years ago

I’m gonna need video proof of that one.

path: 0 3590874, hotness: undefined, score: 13, children: 0
Mudkipology 13 points 3 years ago

The religious right is officially a post-religion movement.

path: 0 3598139, hotness: undefined, score: 13, children: 0
theostermanweekend 13 points 3 years ago

Sociopath

path: 0 3589430, hotness: undefined, score: 13, children: 0
AllNewTypeFace 13 points 3 years ago

A lot of the Christians who ban extramarital sex also define sex very narrowly; as such, they say “if you see a nice Christian girl on her knees, she ain’t praying”.

path: 0 3597902, hotness: undefined, score: 13, children: 1
bufordt 1 point 3 years ago

Catholic Girls

At the CYO

Catholic Girls

Do you know how they go?

Catholic Girls

There can be no replacement

How do they go, after the show?

Aaaaaaaaallllllllllllllllllll the waaaaaaaaay.

That's the way they go.

path: 0 3597902 3610353, hotness: undefined, score: 1, children: 0
cooopsspace 10 points 3 years ago

That is usually how the pedo priests do it, so yeah.

path: 0 3605919, hotness: undefined, score: 10, children: 0
WarmSoda 10 points 3 years ago

This bird has got to go.

path: 0 3589450, hotness: undefined, score: 10, children: 1
db2 6 points 3 years ago

Hey hey, ho ho

path: 0 3589450 3590019, hotness: undefined, score: 6, children: 0
kool_newt 8 points 3 years ago
path: 0 3592309, hotness: undefined, score: 8, children: 5
BonesOfTheMoon 8 points 3 years ago

The throat goat ahahahahahhah.

path: 0 3592309 3595688, hotness: undefined, score: 8, children: 4
GreenMario 10 points 3 years ago

It's true. She was the OG GAWK GAWK 9000

path: 0 3592309 3595688 3595808, hotness: undefined, score: 10, children: 3
BonesOfTheMoon 6 points 3 years ago

Lmao I'm dying. Where did this information come from?

path: 0 3592309 3595688 3595808 3595909, hotness: undefined, score: 6, children: 2
themeatbridge 9 points 3 years ago path: 0 3592309 3595688 3595808 3595909 3597896, hotness: undefined, score: 9, children: 1
00Sixty7 8 points 3 years ago

Play to your strengths, Lauren. Maybe it's time to drop the sad quasipolitical angle and just go pro.

path: 0 3591662, hotness: undefined, score: 8, children: 0
EmperorHenry 6 points 3 years ago
path: 0 3641508, hotness: undefined, score: 6, children: 1
BonesOfTheMoon 6 points 3 years ago

Pretty high.

path: 0 3641508 3641748, hotness: undefined, score: 6, children: 0
GreenMario 6 points 3 years ago

Unless she's gonna give me a Boeberts during the next MCU movie I don't wanna hear shit from her other than "dinners ready".

path: 0 3595781, hotness: undefined, score: 6, children: 0
db2 5 points 3 years ago

🤢

path: 0 3589978, hotness: undefined, score: 5, children: 0
zcd 4 points 3 years ago

Persecution complex/fetish

path: 0 3589971, hotness: undefined, score: 4, children: 1
someguy3 5 points 3 years ago

"Is it inappropriate to grope each other in a theater? No, it's the whiners that are wrong." /s

path: 0 3589971 3591718, hotness: undefined, score: 5, children: 0
NigelFrobisher 4 points 3 years ago

Bow chicka bow wow

path: 0 3638845, hotness: undefined, score: 4, children: 0
ares35 2 points 3 years ago

just like the twit's author, the reply is too easy

path: 0 3592514, hotness: undefined, score: 2, children: 0
theodewere 1 point 3 years ago
path: 0 3589320, hotness: undefined, score: 1, children: 0
1bluepixel 0 points 3 years ago
path: 0 3591724, hotness: undefined, score: 0, children: 2
mosiacmango 5 points 3 years ago path: 0 3591724 3592262, hotness: undefined, score: 5, children: 1
reattach 2 points 3 years ago

I'm speechless

path: 0 3591724 3592262 3593046, hotness: undefined, score: 2, children: 0
_number8_ -6 points 3 years ago

i keep seeing this sort of moral outrage, that's she's some horrible criminal doing lewd acts in public.....are people doing satire? i genuinely cannot tell, i cannot imagine why anyone would care about adults doing mild foreplay in the dark at a theater to the point where they should be criminally charged and we have a whole other big national trial that goes nowhere

i know she sucks and she's a bad person but that doesn't mean i'm rooting for prosecution for getting to 2nd base and vaping

path: 0 3611451, hotness: undefined, score: -6, children: 1
Rootiest 7 points 3 years ago

It's not the act, it's the hypocrisy of the act

path: 0 3611451 3611846, hotness: undefined, score: 7, children: 0
devfuuu -12 points 3 years ago

Who the fuck are these people and why is the internet making a big deal of some boob grabbing?

path: 0 3592062, hotness: undefined, score: -12, children: 9
LadyAutumn 25 points 3 years ago

Shes a politician whos entire career is claiming that transgender people are completely unhinged immoral deviant pedophiles. She went into a family friendly theatre on a date with some guy, the theatre had plenty of children present, and then they fondled each other. While vaping and loudly yelling.

She's barely coherent on the best of days. Her latest... escapades... just perfectly show how she herself is entirely devoid of decency and not the pillar of modest Christian femininity she tries to claim she is.

path: 0 3592062 3593111, hotness: undefined, score: 25, children: 4
Grandwolf319 8 points 3 years ago

A hypocritical Christian gasp!! /s

path: 0 3592062 3593111 3595411, hotness: undefined, score: 8, children: 0
devfuuu -11 points 3 years ago

Hmm, this seems the best answer so far. So basically some random american politician doing stuff normal people usually do, but in this case she fucked up because her career in politics is about spreading hate for trans people. Seems totally normal american behavior. I was confused because all the memes or references to this seems to be about the man, and not having any bit of context about the internals of another country makes it hard to follow up on internet dramas.

path: 0 3592062 3593111 3596447, hotness: undefined, score: -11, children: 2
scubbo 2 points 3 years ago

doing stuff normal people usually do

Steady on there. It is not normal or usual to give a handie in a theatre unless you're a teenager.

path: 0 3592062 3593111 3596447 3602125, hotness: undefined, score: 2, children: 1
idiomaddict 1 point 3 years ago

Even then, not if you’re in a full theater near kids

path: 0 3592062 3593111 3596447 3602125 3634189, hotness: undefined, score: 1, children: 0
idiomaddict 4 points 3 years ago

Because the owner of the boobs perpetuates the idea that trans people are corrupting and sexually exploiting children by existing, but was herself engaging in sex acts in front of children. The woman is tied for dumbest congressperson, and the man is her date.

path: 0 3592062 3592657, hotness: undefined, score: 4, children: 0
irmoz -5 points 3 years ago

What boob grabbing? I see none here

path: 0 3592062 3594562, hotness: undefined, score: -5, children: 2
Captainvaqina 6 points 3 years ago

Have you not seen the security footage of this lying anti-american tramp in the theatre getting felt up and grabbing dick around children?

path: 0 3592062 3594562 3599641, hotness: undefined, score: 6, children: 1
irmoz 1 point 3 years ago

I'm just calling out that they seem to actually know who they are

path: 0 3592062 3594562 3599641 3599759, hotness: undefined, score: 1, children: 0
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