My wife and I literally started our first conversation with abortion. I'd jokingly mentioned it because she said she liked deep conversation and she went "fuck it, let's go."
"Fuck it, let's go" has been our life philosophy ever since.
What's the best question to ask someone who you don't know very well?
3 years ago by ᙖᖇƐ>ᜊᙃ ッ to c/asklemmy
TeaHands 52 points 3 years ago
On our old WoW guild application form we included:
"Please rank all of the Star Trek captains you know from best to worst"
and then gave them a nice big empty text box to go to town in. Some answered seriously, and exhaustively. Some only knew Kirk, or didn't know any at all. Some chose to go off on a rant about Star Wars being better, or include a joke or tell an anecdote about their relationship to scifi.
Whatever the answer we always learned something about the person and that was a good jumping off point if they got accepted. We did get the occasional humourless "wtf this is stupid" type response but, shockingly, this was rarely the only reason we had for denying such applications.
Black616Angel 12 points 3 years ago
It has to do with Linux.
Linux itself is not a fully fledged operating system as most people would expect it. Since Linux has to work on servers and microchips as well as on desktop PCs, lots of stuff is not shipped with it.
For example Linux is missing a way to display windows and has no real package manager.
A distro (or distribution) is a predefined set of of software, that makes it easier for a user to use Linux.
This is mostly a window manager or desktop environment like KDE or GNOME, a package manager like apt or pacman and useful software like an office suite, a browser and other stuff.
Distros also exist for servers, the ln they don't include a way to display images, but still have a package manager and other useful stuff preinstalled.
That's of course not all, but maybe gives you a little overview.
Globulart 11 points 3 years ago
That's a great summary and completely explains it, thanks bud.
And I presume Arch is one of the more (if not the most) popular distro for PCs? Just because I see it referenced all the time
Ludrol 5 points 3 years ago
Arch is most memy distro out there besides Hanna Montana Linux. It became that way because Arch is super hard to maintain in working condition and became a status symbol to use it in some circles. Now there are couple layers of irony vowen into this meme and I am not quite sure where we are right now.
I just checked steam hardware survey and now I am not sure. SteamOS is most popular due to Steam Deck, and with arch and ubuntu right behind.
Still whats popular is not always the best for starting out.
For begginers I would recommend Linux Mint. If you don't like the start menu or file menager ask in one of linux communities, they would be happy to help.
Unquote0270 4 points 3 years ago
You sound the coolest if you say you use Arch btw (this is a meme now).
Black616Angel 3 points 3 years ago
There are a lot of big ones like Ubuntu, Mint, Debian, Fedora or Arch. Arch is for users with a little more experience. But funnily enough Arch has like child-distributions, that build upon its core. Ubuntu is also a 'child' of Debian an Mint builds onto Ubuntu.
It's kind of like three or four big families, that had lots of children. 😂
(and then there are NixOS, OpenSuse and lots of others, which I forgot)
noughtnaut 2 points 3 years ago
I heartily commend you for asking, and was happy to see you get a good response.
"What is the most common distro" is not straightforward to shat because of the breadth of users. Arch is one of the more... esoteric... distributions, it will allow you very, very fine grained control of everything - but it also requires you to be able to make those choices. At the other end of the scale we might find Ubuntu and Mint which are far less customizable* but "just work" out of the box and, as such, are obvious choices for users new to Linux or unwilling to invest in "tinkering".
Really, the freedom of choice is overwhelming to many newcomers, and at the same time the strength of the whole system.
*Any distro is very customizable. You can make nearly the same changes to Ubuntu and Arch, it's just that Ubuntu is not designed to make that easy for you.
Therealmglitch 5 points 3 years ago
Arch btw
GFGJewbacca 3 points 3 years ago
Fedora 39, and it runs beautifully on my gaming laptop. I'm pondering trying out the COSMIC DE for kicks, but I'm also liking GNOME 45.
MaggiWuerze 3 points 3 years ago
And why is it arch?
loobkoob 44 points 3 years ago
My usual go-to is to ask what their latest/current obsession is. It works really well for a few reasons:
- it's nice and simple to ask - it doesn't require a monologue/wall of text to set up, and it doesn't require you to know anything about them to ask it;
- it's both as personal and as low-stakes as they want it to be. They can give very intimate, in-depth answers if they feel like it, or they can just mention something like the latest film they enjoyed. There's no risk of making them uncomfortable by asking it;
- it lets you filter out boring people who don't really take interest in anything;
- assuming they do have interests, it often gives you plenty of opportunities to dive into deeper conversation;
- it's often engaging for them because they get to talk about something they're passionate about;
- it's often interesting for you because people talking about things they're passionate about is awesome (and often attractive).
- it's pretty much always relevant and fresh because their latest obsession will change over time. This makes it particularly great for things like dating sites/apps because people's bios will often be out of date and/or they'll have talked about the things mentioned in their bio so much that they're kind of sick of them.
I've actually had multiple people on dating sites tell me how great a question they think it is, and that they're going to use it themselves in the future. So obviously it's not just me who thinks it's a great question!
lucullus 1 point 3 years ago
That sounds really cool.
@fellow_germans: How can I express this in german? The literal translation "Was ist deine aktuelle Obzession?" doesn't sound right, because of the different meanings of obsession. Maybe "Welches Thema beschäftigt dich gerade?", though this also doesn't seem to have the correct ring to it.
AnAngryAlpaca 41 points 3 years ago
Have you seen that ludicrous display last night?
RagingRobot 18 points 3 years ago
What was he thinking walking it in like that?
randomaccount43543 12 points 3 years ago
Thing about Arsenal they always try to walk it in
superfly_samurai 31 points 3 years ago
I had a friend in college that would just say, "So, what's your deal?"
I'm shocked at how well it worked. Open ended, so you only get what they're willing to talk about, but they'll still be ok talking.
superfly_samurai 10 points 3 years ago
Delivery had a lot to do with softening the approach.
Definitely not for all situations, but to be fair, no approach could be.
jcg 7 points 3 years ago
"What's YOUR deal?" sounds pretty aggressive, "what's your DEAL?" sounds borderline inflammatory, but I think there's a very neutral delivery without particular stress that sounds more like an open ended question than an aggression. Still, probably not great around fully sober folks.
MrAlternateTape 3 points 3 years ago
So, what is your deal? What have you been up too?
corsicanguppy 1 point 3 years ago
very neutral delivery without particular stress that sounds more like an open ended question
So. WHAT's your deal?
grabyourmotherskeys 6 points 3 years ago
Crossroads at midnight when the moon is full.
No_Ones_Slick_Like_Gaston 2 points 3 years ago
I ask that of all my prey, I like the sound of it.
hakunawazo 2 points 3 years ago
Have you ever fallen into a tank of toxic chemical waste?
someguy7734206 24 points 3 years ago
Are you forklift certified?
cheesymoonshadow 2 points 3 years ago
I can't believe how easy it is to get a forklift certification. All online, never have to touch an actual forklift.
I don't know if that's common knowledge, but I just found out because I went through the process myself to get certified.
kent_eh 2 points 3 years ago
I can't believe how easy it is to get a forklift certification.
That varies by jurisdiction.
Where I am, it requires a theory test and an in-person practical test.
And you need to re-certify every 3 years.
cheesymoonshadow 2 points 3 years ago
I'm in Illinois. After the online stuff, they sent me a certificate which has a signature line for someone at whatever company hires me, to be signed after they train me on the specific truck they have.
bjoern_tantau 24 points 3 years ago
What's your favourite dinosaur?
bjoern_tantau 7 points 3 years ago
Thanks to Jurassic Park it was the Velociraptor. But then I learned that their depiction was totally wrong. But then again my children taught me that they are even cool as murder chickens. So everything is well.
But still, I think the Emu is cooler.
RecursiveParadox 2 points 3 years ago
Weirdly enough I dreamt someone did this right in front of me last night. My subconscious is odd.
cosmicrookie 2 points 3 years ago
Quentin is that you?
cosmicrookie 1 point 3 years ago
He's been into feet in mostly all of his movies. Uma must have been a toe in his bucket list
Death_Equity 20 points 3 years ago
"What defines a sandwich?"
Death_Equity 1 point 3 years ago
A burger is a sandwich.
beebarfbadger 18 points 3 years ago
"Who are you and how did you get into my house?"
CopernicusQwark 12 points 3 years ago
I'm a locksmith, and, I'm a locksmith.
DudeDudenson 17 points 3 years ago
What are you doing in my bathroom?
CosmicSploogeDrizzle 16 points 3 years ago
So what do you like to do for fun? Or, What are some of your hobbies?
I find these much better than "so what do you do for work?", which is what I'm asked constantly. "Yes, person who I don't know, let me discuss work during my free time with you."
dingus 10 points 3 years ago
This is one of the questions that gives me the most social anxiety when meeting new people. It stresses me out because I don't have any conventional hobbies. I don't think dicking around on Discord, Lemmy, and YouTube really counts as much of a hobby.
CosmicSploogeDrizzle 9 points 3 years ago
I mean what Discords do you participate in? What Lemmy communities do you follow? What videos on YouTube do you like to watch?
You can reframe this and say, "I like to participate in online chat forums about the latest gaming news and technology (discord). I look for cool recipes and cooking techniques (Lemmy cooking community). And I love trying to find new funny comedians to listen to (YouTube)." I think if you narrow it down to the interests you enjoy, rather than "dicking around online" you'll find that you have interesting things to talk about.
Obviously those examples are my own, but I'm sure you use those platforms because they feed you certain content that you enjoy.
CorrodedCranium 5 points 3 years ago
Someone else said asking what your current obsession is would be a good icebreaker. Do you think that would be better?
I feel like that way nontraditional hobbies could be included so you could talk about things like Lemmy or whatever your favourite Youtuber is up to. Would that bring up the same level of anxiety?
phcorcoran 7 points 3 years ago
I find that this backfires sometimes because many people don't seem to have any hobbies.
In the context of an interviewer, I sometimes ask "can you teach me something cool about one of your interests in 5 min?" It's not the same context obviously but you learn a lot about a person quickly that way. Bonus point is, I learn cool stuff about new things I'm probably not familiar with haha
CosmicSploogeDrizzle 6 points 3 years ago
🍿🛋️ Ok, let's hear them.
Pat_Riot 4 points 3 years ago
Well to start I play the guitar, bass, two kinds of banjo, drums, synthesizer and sing. I'm not picky about genres. I record using a DAW called Reason. I made my electric guitar about 5 years ago out of lumber sourced from the cabinet of a dead transistor organ I could never quite get to work properly that my wife finally told me had to quit taking up space. I have a Lofi synthesizer and a theremin that I built also. I'm also slowly building a collection of homemade effects pedals. I enjoy RC. I have a small helicopter and rock crawler truck, but no airplanes that are air worthy at the moment. I build Gundam models, and have also dabbled in kitbashing unrelated models like cars and airplanes together. This hobby I share with my 12 year old son. I have a couple of 1980s Honda 3 wheelers that I keep alive and occasionally ride. I bake often and I will never be skinny again because I'm good at it. Oh, brewing. I do like to make mead and occasional fruit wines. I'm especially fond of making floral meads with hibiscus or chamomile for example. I've been known to paint when the urge takes me. I have a 3D printer. I have even made a few useful things with. I designed a well working samba whistle that I keep forgetting to upload to thingiverse, and a few other things I have managed to wrestle out of blender. I know I'm forgetting something. My wife calls me a hobby spider.
CosmicSploogeDrizzle 5 points 3 years ago
I have friends that claim they "don't have hobbies" but the truth is that they spend all their time with their kids and working.
So if they say, "well I don't do much in the way of hobbies because I'm too busy working and taking care of my kids." You can then follow up with "well what do you do for work?" Or "what's the last vacation or outing you did with your kids?" Or "what are your kids interested in? How old are they? Tell me about their personalities."
The fact that they "don't have hobbies" isn't necessarily it backfiring, you then just need to pivot based on their answers. This is just a way to break the ice with someone.
Everyone spends their days doing things, you are really just asking them "how do you spend your time?" Everyone has an answer to that...unless they are in a coma.
Candelestine 16 points 3 years ago
Something that'll lead to fairly flippant, casual, low-stakes chit chat about completely unimportant bullshit. People like getting a chance to get a sort of baseline reading of you, so talk about flippant, dumb, unimportant things for a little bit. Preferably ones that they are 100% certain to have recently experienced themselves, so it can go back and forth smoothly.
Given the diversity of humanity, this is a fairly short list. Weather, food, free time hobbies, etc. If they're like a student, or work in a particular industry, that opens up a lot of options. But for a stranger? Just got a few to pick from. So, just pick one.
They call it "small talk" for a reason though. The real purpose of the talk has absolutely nothing to do with the actual subject of the discussion.
toototabon 1 point 3 years ago
The real purpose of the talk has absolutely nothing to do with the actual subject of the discussion.
That makes it really confusing. What's a good question, then? Ask about the weather?
Candelestine 1 point 3 years ago
Honestly? The weakness of the standard small talk topics is how common and banal they are, which bores people. I recommend them because they're so easy, and the cost of boring people for a few minutes is fairly small.
But it's not ideal. For ideal you need something flippant, unimportant but also novel. Since novelty is now valued though, that means you can't be using the same thing over and over. Other people will probably have used it too, if it works, and that means its not novel.
So, the actual best ice-breaker topic? Some clever, interesting or amusing observation about something in your immediate environment that you can both look at. That adds thinking on your feet to the mix though, so is more of an intermediate level of social skill. Best to have the boring fundamentals nailed down first.
So, yeah, I'm perfectly comfortable leaning on something as dull as the weather. And it makes decent enough practice at chit chatting. But eventually picking more novel subjects that also fit the requirements is better.
The actual question would usually go something like "Hey, did you see that?"
jayknight 12 points 3 years ago
I kind of hate when people ask my things like that because I often had a fun weekend but now can't remember what all I did so I have to stop and remember for a while before answering, so I usually just say it was nice and hope they don't ask for more details.
sbv 1 point 3 years ago
Eh. Yeah. I don't usually have a lot in common with people, so I try to find some common ground that can start a conversation. I'm not very good at noticing what people like/do, so this gets a conversation moving.
I also forget my weekends. Which turns into a topic of conversation too. 😬
Chobbes 8 points 3 years ago
I hate when people ask me this because either it makes me think about how I didn’t get to what I wanted on the weekend, or how I was depressed over the weekend… On a good day the problem is that I mostly like to keep my hobbies and personal life to myself. I guess I’m probably hard to get to know 😅.
sbv 3 points 3 years ago
I know what you mean.
I started doing it because I noticed that I felt lonely at work, so I put an effort into small talk and making myself a bit more available. Part of that involved being more open about my hobbies and free time. It was worth it for me.
I had an acquaintance that started following hockey solely so she would have a conversation starter. I don't have that kind of commitment, so I just do the weekend thing.
CorrodedCranium 14 points 3 years ago
How many hard boiled eggs do you think you can fit in your mouth?
If they are an acquaintance from work or someone I see frequently it might make them laugh and if they give it a moment of thought they're probably the kind of person I'd enjoy talking with.
In all seriousness though someone already said asking what they are obsessed or passionate about at the moment and I'd probably go that direction. It's nice to see people enthusiastic about stuff they really like especially if they don't normally get a chance to talk about it.
CorrodedCranium 2 points 3 years ago
Didn't expect a Cool Hand Luke reference
Alexstarfire 13 points 3 years ago
Who are you?
Poringo 12 points 3 years ago
I am a team manager, on status meetings on fridays I always ask if someone has good plans for the weekend, and on monday I ask how was your weekend.
I get a lot of silence, and most of the time I tell some bits of what I did, but from time to time someone tells something about what they did.
I think that is good for the team, since we are all remote, it's a little bit of socializing and have something to talk about other than work.
UndercoverUlrikHD 5 points 3 years ago
At my old organisation we always had mandatory "check ins" at the start of weekly meetings where everyone took turns saying whatever was on their heart and how their day was going.
Always a bit awkward at first with a new team, but a month in and people would really open up, and it was really helpful as manager to figure how people were holding up. Especially during covid/lockdown.
calypsopub 11 points 3 years ago
Seen any good movies or shows lately?
callouscomic 11 points 3 years ago
Do you like getting your asshole licked by a fat man in an overcoat?
FATMANinnaOVERCOAT 5 points 3 years ago
Yeah who is asking ?
erogenouswarzone 11 points 3 years ago
How about this weather?
Don't underestimate small talk. It lets people take their wall down.
christian 10 points 3 years ago
Around this time of year one of my best conversation starters is "What's your least favorite Christmas song?". Everyone (at least here in the US) has at least one Christmas song that annoys the shit out of them, but you'll get tons of different answers.
cosmicrookie 2 points 3 years ago
Hm.. maybe a good ice breaker but a bit negative isn't it? Why spend energy on somethin you don't like ?
cosmicrookie 1 point 3 years ago
But people are just as passionate, or hopefully even more so, of things that they enjoy. Why go into negativity when you could be listening to their positive passions?
Unquote0270 3 points 3 years ago
It's pretty common to bond over dislikes. Besides, disliking something isn't negative, and there's nothing wrong with being negative even if it were.
cashews_best_nut 1 point 3 years ago
British people are famous for discussing the weather as small talk. British weather is 90% shit. We're still alive.
So I don't think negative questions are a bad thing.
cashews_best_nut 1 point 3 years ago
Slade's Christmas song. Every fucking year without fail it comes on in supermarkets and has done for decades.
PipedLinkBot 1 point 3 years ago
Here is an alternative Piped link(s):
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ComradeKhoumrag 10 points 3 years ago
My sister showed me a fun drinking game recently:
One person closes their eyes until the other person/people decide on a number 1-10.
After they all agree, the person opens their eyes then asks the group to rate an item from a category 1-10. Do this with 3 different categories. At the end, the person tries to guess which number was agreed on.
So, the group could agree on 7/10 and the guesser could ask "types of beers" and the group could say lagunitas, skulpin, etc ...
Other good questions involve "people we both know", "sexual experiences"...
cosmicrookie 7 points 3 years ago
Hello what's your name?
oddityoverseer 4 points 3 years ago
Who who, who, who
Churbleyimyam 5 points 3 years ago
"What is rimming?"
makingStuffForFun 5 points 3 years ago
Just had beers with my wife and a complete stranger. She was nice, but I was not in an n overly talkative mood.
Just asked her about herself regularly, and happily listened to her talk about herself.
Turns out she's quite interesting. We both agreed we'd like to meet her for beers again.
But. Where you from? How'd you end up living here? Family nearby? Miss them? See them often? Your dad does WHAT for a living? We had a similar pet, does yours do X? Think you'll stay here, or considering another area to live? So you're not getting on well with your sister? I can understand that, what else have you tried?
Etc etc etc. All about them, but can be genuinely interesting.
Pantherina 4 points 3 years ago
What do you think is the purpose of life?
shinigamiookamiryuu 3 points 3 years ago
I like to think it's "how are you doing today" because when someone asks me that it shows they're there for me.
Robust_Mirror 12 points 3 years ago
If I had a supper power, it'd be the ability to conjure the most delicious and satisfying meals instantly.
Robust_Mirror 2 points 3 years ago
OK ok, what if I tone it down to, I still have to make it, but it will always be perfectly done, never over or under rcooked what I intended.
OutlierBlue 11 points 3 years ago
I'd want the supper power of having the dishes cleaned after the meal. That would be amazing.
spittingimage 1 point 3 years ago
"What's your favourite dinosaur?"
enjoytemple 1 point 3 years ago
Will you marry me
HubertManne 1 point 3 years ago
what do you think about climate change
asklemmy
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A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions
If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!
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asklemmy
@lemmy.ml
55799
8852
4315
A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions
If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!
- Open-ended question
- Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
- Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
- Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
- An actual topic of discussion
Looking for support?
Looking for a community?
- Lemmyverse: community search
- sub.rehab: maps old subreddits to fediverse options, marks official as such
- !lemmy411@lemmy.ca: a community for finding communities
Icon by @Double_A@discuss.tchncs.de
go to feed...
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