Just wait till you find out they bloom every year

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Wren 34 points 15 days ago

And you can get like thirty more bushes if you spread your seed.

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Lumisal 5 points 15 days ago

So you have about a limit of about 30 per year according to the analogy, and you just need to get married after the next bloom to band over a full rose.

Of course this means the husband now has a limit of about 10-20 times a year

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fireweed 80 points 15 days ago

My (much older) cousin is a florist, and as a kid I used to spend a lot of time hanging out in her shop. She'd often have me help with easy tasks, one of which was cleaning the roses for bouquets, which involved stripping the thorns from the stems as well as plucking the outermost petals (because on a fully-blooming rose, the outermost and therefore oldest petals are usually withered and browned).

Obviously when I first heard the "sex and rose petal" analogy, my reaction was one of: "so what you're saying is that a few premarital sessions of intercourse will produce much more beautiful sex when married."

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paris 37 points 14 days ago

Which is true, lmao. Going in with experience and an understanding of your own boundaries and how to navigate your sexual partner's boundaries obviously improves sex.

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AnarchistArtificer 11 points 14 days ago

Hugely. I'm in a relatively new relationship, and it has been so refreshing to be experienced enough in both love and sex to know and communicate what I want and need.

Though I think the biggest boon from having some experience under my belt is that I have been able to internalise that different people like different things. It sounds like a no-brainer, but it's hard when we're inundated with rhetoric that fosters the idea of "sexual skill" as being some objective thing, as if there is, for instance, an objectively optimal way to move your tongue when going down on someone. People talk about good sex vs bad sex as if it's a simple sliding scale, but framing it this way erases so many of the qualitative aspects of sex (and the joy of getting to know a person's preferences)

I always knew that proactive communication was by far the most important sexual skill, but it's only through having experienced sex with a variety of people that I was able to properly understand this notion.

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prole 1 point 14 days ago

Also good to make sure you're compatible with the person you're planning to spend the rest of your life with

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OldChicoAle 14 points 15 days ago

Practice makes perfect.

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13igTyme 51 points 15 days ago

The pelvic floor and vaginal wall are made of muscle tissue. It's a well known fact that when you use your muscles they become loose and flabby. /s

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ICastFist 10 points 15 days ago

Just look at tongues, moving around all day long, they get so loose and flabby!!!11!1

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grue 5 points 14 days ago

Deadheading your rose makes it bloom more.

(Deadheading isn't the same as just removing petals, but let's just ignore that.)

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kerrigan778 50 points 14 days ago

Such a healthy attitude to teach children that sex damages them irreparably.

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Buddahriffic 20 points 14 days ago

Taught by people who don't even realize their own damage is doing the speaking, in the best case.

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solidheron 16 points 14 days ago

But how else are we supposed to control people

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kalapala 32 points 15 days ago

Comparing human anatomy to roses also sounds insane. Meth... I mean religion. Not even once.

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meco03211 15 points 15 days ago

Or the other way like Ray Comfort's evidence of intelligent design using a banana. It easily fits in one hand and is easy to insert in your mouth to eat...

...

Had he never seen a penis?

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Zorcron 19 points 15 days ago

Funny that he chose a banana for that argument considering it was humans who made the banana the way it is. Wild bananas are shorter and filled with hard, inedible seeds.

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tomenzgg 11 points 14 days ago

When you're already certain you have the right conclusion, anything which seems to back it up can be assumed to be true with little to no further interrogation.

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prole 2 points 14 days ago

Right, but that requires having a basic understanding of evolutionary biology. Something that people like this refuse to do.

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BradleyUffner 29 points 14 days ago

Roses lose petals when they engage in premarital sex, but not marital sex? Today I learned!

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pruwybn 11 points 14 days ago

That's why you should always marry rose bushes before you have sex with them.

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manuremy 3 points 14 days ago

.. Ouchie!

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bitjunkie 2 points 14 days ago

Some of us are into pain, don't kink-shame

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manuremy 1 point 14 days ago

... Ouchie but good!

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backalleycoyote 3 points 14 days ago

Yeah, that’s why God allows you to replenish your bouquet with fresh roses. -Joseph Smith

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gandalf_der_12te 26 points 14 days ago

it's crazy that christians still exist

like, it's 2026

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P00ptart 11 points 14 days ago

Fucking Constantine.

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Swedneck 1 point 11 days ago

where the fuck is jesus? wasn't the rapture scheduled for decades ago?

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gandalf_der_12te 1 point 10 days ago

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saltnotsugar 19 points 15 days ago

Be like a nutcracker and bust as many nuts as you can.

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qarbone 17 points 14 days ago

And yet weirdly progressive to accept that boys can have husbands too?

Oh, this was only for girls? Only girls become cheapened by premarital sex??

Oh, you're just a creep???

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RebekahWSD 14 points 15 days ago

Ah yes. We're shoes or bubble gum or flowers or cars and it's just so stupid.

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captainlezbian 12 points 14 days ago

Anything but a person with the freedom to decide how to live her own life

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ironycanal 0 points 14 days ago

Something is wrong with your sentence. It isn't parsing.

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WhiteOakBayou 1 point 14 days ago

What's the car one? I remember the others from childhood.

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RebekahWSD 5 points 14 days ago

Same as the rest. Preowned are worth less. What they all boil down to.

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WhiteOakBayou 4 points 14 days ago

I guess they skipped that one for us since no one that went to that church bought new cars. Luckily they had the other terrible metaphors to poison us with

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vaultdweller013 4 points 14 days ago

They did not work on my hick ass and it still doesn't work, new car means shit half the time especially now. Give me an old piece of work that has no luxury and makes weird noises when I shift it going 60 but only when going up a 45 degree slope.

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Wren 4 points 14 days ago

Heyyyy. I make lot of noise when going up a slope.

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MeThisGuy 2 points 14 days ago

I can fix her

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Swedneck 1 point 11 days ago

"oh so i should only date older women, because it's easier to get spare parts and they aren't electronically locked down to prevent maintenance?"

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ironycanal 3 points 14 days ago

A beetle from 1947 is like a million dollar car?

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WhiteOakBayou 3 points 14 days ago

"Older Beatles are very valuable and sometimes turn into earth saving robots." They were probably right that getting a bunch of middle schoolers heavily into Transformers lore would curtail premarital sex

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drmoose 13 points 14 days ago

They never explain why would sex take away a petal either. Like, maybe it adds one? Also a rose is literally a plant dick lmao.

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HeyThisIsntTheYMCA 4 points 14 days ago

have you ever fucked a rose?

stupid question. of course not.

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drmoose 3 points 14 days ago

My ex's name was Rose - does that count? Though at the end it was me who was fucked and not in a good way sadly

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HeyThisIsntTheYMCA 2 points 13 days ago

i sung this song a few times. i think it counts for something, so on the scale of Ice King to DiCaprio i'm more at Peewee Herman and you're more at Hank Azaria.

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acockworkorange 9 points 15 days ago

So you have about 30 fucks to give? We should spread the message, some people are in debt, while others clearly hoarding.

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Dzheyk 3 points 14 days ago

Boy have I got a song for you...https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vqbk9cDX0l0

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acockworkorange 1 point 14 days ago

Nice!