I've had my full dick and balls groped by an older (like 50's) lady at one of my jobs (I was maybe 20-21). Brought it up to management and was told "What!? No way! She's just a sweet old lady, she would never do anything like that!"

Meanwhile she not only grabbed my whole ass genitalia, she whispered "I'd love to see all this up close" while doing so.

No one ever believed me and it happened multiple times hence why I no longer work there..

I have been coerced before, by my ex wife.

Long story made short, if she wanted sex and I didn't, and I said no, it would always pan out the same way. We'd start at "Did I do something wrong?" And end up at "everyone hates me and I should just go ahead and kill myself." So I stopped saying no even if I didn't want to, because honestly it was faster to just give her what she wanted.

As a man, it feels so minor compared to what everyone else will associate with sexual abuse, but my therapist tells me abuse is abuse and that nobody would question it if the genders were reversed.

It's had effects even 5 years after we've separated, but I'm getting better. Learning to take up space again.

Yes, was SA's by a priest when I was a kid (mid 1970s), along with a lot of other people over a 30-40 year span. In the late 1980s, there was a joint lawsuit against him, with about 130 cases, many willing to testify. But he was a "pillar of the community," and had stronger support (and lawyers) on his side. It went back and forth for a few years, then he died of a heart attack. The case kind of died with him, except his widow went after some of us with ruthless cruelty and legal harassment.

Yes and every woman I know personally has either been raped or sexually assaulted. My own mother and sisters included. I have a sneaking suspicion that my dad has his own story, but I don't know the details.

My ex-husband was propositioned by his step-father when he turned 18 years old.

My best friend was routinely raped by her husband until she could finally leave him.

My own stories are varied and have happened sporadically through my life.

I'm a woman.

I was SA-ed when I was 7. A teacher saved me, it would have been more than SA if he hadn't. My mother said "I know, don't mention it again" when I told her.

I've been coerced into sex by both my (ex) husband and boyfriends multiple times because I thought women had a duty to say yes when they wanted sex. I was forced to have anal sex without lube a bunch of times.

I never want to have sex with a guy again.

When I was around 20(M) my older boss regularly tried it on with me. She always tried to lean into me with her large chest. Then one day she basically exposed herself to me.

Another coworker said she did this with him too. Eventually we both explained this to upper management and she was gone within the week.

I always felt bad because Iin this case it was addressed quickly. Yet I know if my female co workes were in a similar situation.... Well, I hear enough to believe that the story would be different. For the worse.

Yeah. One time by a stranger that lured me to their car with baseball cards and candy. Legit, no joke. There is a reason those PSAs exist. Another time by a neighbor. And the last time was by my friend's grandmother. All of this happened before I was 10, I didn't tell anyone until much later in life.

Yes, I have. The others in my party who saw it happen just laughed about it.

Raped as a kid by a family member (a woman),
Raped as a teen by a predator "boyfriend" who was well into his 30s,
Raped by my gynaecologist during an IUD insertion appointement, SAed by my boss's best friend during a work party.

I'm tired, boss.

OP, please mark this post as NSFW.

The other aspect of not discussing it is even if it’s acceptable some people get hurt about it. Even though you know you can you don’t, because it’s upsetting.

I have been assaulted. In the early years I wanted to talk about it, some people would but I felt like a weirdo discussing it, like I could handle it more than them. And then when you are calm and cool when discussing it there’s those who accuse you of being too cold about it. The people around me who love me can’t handle it, then it stopped being discussed it and it becomes a sad dirty little secret.

Yeah, as a child and as an adult. As a child by the ones that should have protected me and as an adult man by drunk women who mimic the behavior they experience.

Fuck in sad world. I have a good therapist and hardship built me so i got shit tons of empathy and a thick skin to deal with everything thrown at me.

Yeah. I'm a guy, I was maybe 15 at the time. I was at the library, and met my buddy's girlfriend there randomly.

I learned after the fact that she was sleeping around with a bunch of guys to prove some kind of a point, I don't know what exactly. She was kind of generally awful.

But yeah, we spoke briefly in the library and then I took off home. She followed me home. I didn't know this until she knocked on my door and let herself inside, and from there I was just so off-balance by the entire thing that I just went along with it. She pinned me on the couch and started kissing on me and things went from there. I put up some kind of token resistance, I think, but I barely knew what was going on, I had never had any kind of sex before, I had barely had a girlfriend before, I was in completely foreign territory and just let myself get led by the nose into something I didn't want to do.

It caused a big, massive fight between me, her, and the buddy in question (who I was actually really close with and I got really messed up by this whole interaction) but it eventually ended up the best way it could have, where we both cut all contact with her and basically never saw her again.

But to this day I still have consent issues, especially I find it hard to initiate sex even with someone who I absolutely know is into it and wants it. I just can't. A recent ex and I eventually broke up because I would never initiate so, we just never did it. Just the possibility of putting someone in that kind of situation just puts me completely off the mood, if I'm not the one being advanced upon, it just doesn't happen.

Yes, and it went beyond that. I have accepted that I’ll probably never be able to have a normal sex life.

This should be NSFW. Not everyone wants to be reminded of being SA'd by scrolling Lemmy

I have known enough women to know its pretty prevalent for them. I don't think that means the intention for it to happen to men is less as much as its a bit trickier to do so happens less. It gets a bit wierd though because its kinda hard to have consensual sex without a certain amount of going for it and stopping if you meet resistance. Heck. Like it or not even resistance has wierd societal things. I can say I dated a girl who when w made out told me I was going to far so I stopped going that far until she communicated she was ready. She dumped me for a guy that im sure was not as conscientious in that way as I. I also knew one that talked about this great guy that she wished things had gone better. I asked about the physical relation and she said it never went anywhere because he did not push for it. I asked if she had with other guys who did push who she did not like as much and she said yes. Sex is complicated.

There are many people here who I say this to.

Im sorry that happened. You didn’t deserve to be treated like that. It was not your fault. It was not your fault. You do what you need to heal your heart. There are many feelings that arrive over the years but be easy on yourself.

My father forced me to masturbate to child porn by pretending to be a girl at my school on AIM. I would get scared and freaked out, stop responding to the account, then he would call me and demand that I keep talking to this "girl" because he was bothering him at work. Very graphic, explicit highly illegal shit. He also encouraged me to share his sex toys. Once he made me jerk him off.

Later he planted CSAM on my stepfathers laptop and got him fired from his job, arrested, years long court case attempting to prove his innocence before they finally dropped the case when we found time stamped photos proving my step dad was not at home. The FBI dropped the case right before trial.

Nothing happened to my Dad. He died a decade later still a PoS. There was a funeral, but I didn't tell any of his friends. He didn't deserve mourning. This all happened when I was between 12 and 20. The last time I talked to him before he passed, when I was 30ish. My girlfriend at the time left the room, and apropos of nothing he asked what kind of porn I liked and suggested ways to hide it from her.

My ex (and her friends) from over 20 years ago peer pressured me (and probably her, too) into having sex way earlier than I intended. Then she regretted it and became increasingly distant. Then I resented her for becoming distant. Then I started having non-sexual relationships with others and she resented that, so she started having casual sex with my bandmates. It was terrible for everyone involved. Should have just stood my ground when I said no the first time…

Not a typical “me too” story and I won’t pretend that the experience was anywhere near as traumatic as others have had, though it was traumatic for me and destroyed years of my young life.

Was molested once by a woman to whom I agreed to give a ride. She was probably just homeless and looking for somewhere to sleep.

Once in my favorite bar a long long time ago a very large guy I knew from an atheist group heard me saying I was bi and I guess mistakenly thought I was into him, he got really drunk and groped my inner thigh like right next to my crotch and put his face like 1 inch away from mine. I was frozen in place in shock and confusion.

Dude wanted an otter and thought I was down... He got shoo'd away by bar staff. I felt weirdly guilty.

Then at work an old lady with dementia kept sexually harassing me. Grabbed me multiple times tightly. Then once literally walked up to me and said "I would like to have sex with you" just full stop. I hid in my office a lot if I saw her absently wandering around the center.

Yes, this chick I went on a Tinder date did. I showed up to pick her up, then she's like "how about we stay in", so I said "ok sure". She already had stuff cooking so obviously she planned on not going to dinner or anything. Anyways we had dinner, it was ok. Her profile picture was obviously older (shocker), but not catfish levels or anything, she still was cute/ok. Anyways we had a couple drinks, and she ruffied one or both of them. All I remember is getting super tired, then flashes of her riding me on the couch.

It's absolutely disgusting movies treat guys getting SAed as a joke but it's treated as serious for women. I think there's a movie, 40 days and 40 nights where the dude is literally tired to a bed and a girl basically raped him and it's treated as a comedy scene.

When I was in middle school, my bully shoved four of his fingers up my butt on the school bus ride home. I never told anyone, because I was told by the Bus Driver that the bus was "Constantly being recorded" and that if anyone "did anything" it would be caught on video. A lie to prevent kids from talking I guess.

More recently at a Wendesday Breakfast/Food Bank, there's a severely mentally handicapped individual who grabbed my boobs without permission multiple times. I didn't know how to file a report someone so blatantly mentally disabled (I really don't know how to politely say what he was), and he was well liked by the staff anyway, so I just stopped going.

As a teen by a couple young women and a young guy, as a young adult by multiple women in bars for the SA part. Coerced was ever to common in earlier relationships. Seemed common that I would get guilt tripped and told things like why don't you find me attractive and on and on continuously making full on situations where basically if I didn't just do it my life was going to be miserable around them and not around them since the invention of the cell phone. Eventually I got out of those relationships and think I kind of became not asexual because I am still sexually attracted to things, but have found I almost prefer a relationship with no sex because I have never found myself in a healthy relationship with a partner who could talk openly about sex that wasn't a casual relationship.

Yes.

As a young teen by a stranger. He knew my routine and when I would be alone walking and would intercept me.

A couple of times more recently...I don't know if it would really qualify as assault because they were pretty minor incidents but it was by women I met on a dating app.

A friend's ex (not ex at the time) apparently sucked my dick when I was blackout drunk. She "confessed" to him, but told him I initiated, and that fucked up the friendship for a while until he confronted me about it and I set things straight. I'm pretty sure he believed me, she had a bunch of other behavioral problems and she'd cheated before, but things are still weird. At least they're not together anymore.

I was 10 and I was tricked into giving and receiving a handjob from the person. They were 11, and framed it as something fun to do that parents didn't want us to do, and with extra strict parents that was more than plausible for me. I'm not sure how much I blame them, they were 11. Clearly a 3rd party I never met got to them first and that was "shared" with me.

Pretty sure this messed up my view on sex as I was developing. But then again I gained access to an early and unmoderated Internet around when I hit puberty ( I watched a lot of porn as I developed) so who knows.

Yes, many years ago an ex girlfriend and I were breaking up and she spent about an hour trying to convince me to have sex one last time. I eventually caved because then I thought, oh well you don't know when sex is coming next.

About half way through while I was on top I stopped, got up, cleaned myself off, walked out and never saw her again. That's gotta be the ultimate rejection for her.

Yes, sexually assaulted by an older man in my teens.

I have not. That said, several of my friends have told me their stories, both recent and from years ago and I'm pretty pissed that so many garbage human beings are walking among us and hurting our friends, especially woman.

There was one guy, who hurt multiple of my friends and operates more on the coercive side (still assault). I was asked to ban him from some community events I was running because there had been a recent public incident of concerning behavior. After investigating, I did ban him and eventually made it a perma-ban after having around a dozen women, many who didn't know each other, reach out to me to let me know they had uncomfortable or worse experiences with him. Some sounded clearly like pressure/coercion for sex, some just remembered being creeped out or setting a boundary only to have him cross it. A lot of the other guys got mad at me for banning him. They said I didn't have enough evidence or that I wasn't being fair. I had heard more than enough, but I couldn't share all of it because some of the women didn't want to be on-the-record because of domestic violence concerns or because the harassment that they experienced had happened in the past and they were worried speaking up might fan the flames. Some people said it was actually entirely the woman's fault but they were speculating from the outside in. They didn't have any of the information I had, they just fell for a charismatic smile from a friendly guy with a lot of hobbies. The guy himself also gave me a lot of grief and tried to undermine me and my standing in the community for daring to rain on his SA parade. A few years later he caught some CP charges and other nasty shit. Up until that point, I only knew of victims of his that were adults. I'm guessing the only reason he didn't get tried on statutory rape was he plead to the other charges and the most recent victim didn't want to face him in court so the prosecutor took his plea. I hope everyone who was upset at me for banning him sees his mugshot on the registry and learns that just because we can't imprison someone without a conviction, doesn't mean we have to invite them to our parties. Scumbags walk among us each and every day.

Yup i was a work at a apartment building when a guest was staying at an apartment they waylayed me in the stairwell i froze as they kissed me and forced themselves on me only thing running through my mind was just go with it if they say i was the one who assaulted them instead i could lose my job or in trouble legally since it would be my word against there word. Luckly before we got to sex i was able to convice them i would come back another time i can't do it now and i made sure to never see them around again and avoided them while they were around.

No. I've had a lot of unwanted advances, accusations of "being gay" when I wouldn't put out with women. Been hit on many times by gay men but they've been pretty chill about it mostly.

Had my brother dump a gay in my bedroom so he could get freaky with his friend. The gay assumed I was into it and kept moving closer to me sitting on the bed. I'm just trying to watch south park. He got a bit animated when I had to explicitly tell him I'm not at all gay.

I'm lucky though, I'm 6ft and built like a bear. Nobody properly tries forcing anything. My sheer size and stature do the fighting for me. Which is very lucky as I fight like a teddy bear...

Yup. Twice.

I (M) was SA'd by my cousin (M) for multiple years starting at around 8 or 9. He was 5 years older than me.

I might just take an angle grinder to his headstone some day and carve PEDO into it, so everyone knows what he was.

Yes. (I am a woman and pretty old so I guess it goes without saying but yes.)

Twice, on school grounds, then on a school trip, both by students. Both boys, and i was too at the time. Two different fucking schools to cap it off.

I blame Mormon indoctrination and my dead cunt of a mother for brainwashing me into staying quiet back then.

Needless to say, while I staunchly advocate trans rights, i dont think I'll ever feel comfortable getting in bed with a pre-op trans woman. And i absolutely wouldnt with any male ever.

Age 5 or 6 via the teenage boy next door who came over to my house with his little brother to play. Later at 16 via my sisters secret 30-something year old boyfriend. Then again at 19 by another 30-something man when I was sleeping in my bed in my own home while my roommates partied. My ex would always withhold affection, pout, and be downright mean if I declined sex. Suffice to say I haven’t had a good relationship with it, in general. And I’m not sure it’s worth the trouble at this point.

Maybe? I honestly don't know, since I don't remember. This event happened when I was around 7 I think? My mom told me vaguely about something, where my brother and I were apparently both forced to do something (again, vague, so I'm not sure) with each other (I think?) by a teenager at the pool at which my family at a membership.

Apparently the son of one of her best friends (or boyfriend, their relationship was never clear to me) witnessed it, and came to get them.

Again, I have no recollection of this, just the vague story. But somehow people at my school years later knew about it and would bully me and poke fun about it.

Had a long distance gf when I was 14 who told me she would break up with me if I didn't show my D on Skype. We were both minors but it definitely ticks the coercion box

🫂

Im so sorry for the pain you had to silently carry for years

But something Ill add is The thing I find fucked up is that we have stories like yours happening agaim and again and again and they keep on and keep on and keep om happenimg ....and yet....humanity hasnt dont a darned thing to permanently change this.

We will have stories just like yours here once again in 20 years whehn someone askes this same question to the next generation sadly....

Itll never end until humanity ensures that it ends.

Sorry once again 🫂

Id say that me being mutilated by circumcisiom as a baby is the closest Ive come to this happening to me.

The law doesmt see it as SA . But I do. ALL humans are entitled to an intact body, no?

Funny thing is I got 'circumcised' for religoois reasons.... but Ive been an atheist my whole life....so....what do I do now?...

I actually have an important story to add. Its not my story but it is relevant and youll see why...

A few months after I graduated high school it came out that ome of the teachers at that high school had actually been secretly abusing a girl that used to attend there for years and years. I think that she only reported it only because she felt that now she was safe and free to do so after she graduated ( she never actually publicly said that this was her reasom to come forward now but it made sense that she reported it a few months after she graduated but didnt report it before cause what was stopping her all those years? Im guessing The dictatorial asshole who could ruin her school life is what Im guessing stopped her. That was how I saw the situation)

A disgustingly large number of the people who were commenting on the news story's comment section said something along the lines: 'Oh! MayBe sHe LikEd It ThatS whY it ToOk hEr So lonG to rEpOrt IT' .... 😐....🤢🤮

The best part was that whne the school's administrators and principal were asked what would be done to ensure such a thing never repeats they all gave such generic bullshit answers lioe 'it was a ome time thing' , 'it wont happen again cause it just wont' , or some corporate bullshit amswer along the lines of : 'we will conduct an internal investigation and see what we can do to emsure it never happens again. Our previous internal investigation was thorough ...and we found that we did nothing wrong😋👍🏻'

We have sad stories like this coming out again and again and again (heck yoy can even hit up r/NotADragQueen on reddit for yet even more stories like these) and humanity seems reluctant to make any permanent changes to ensure that sad stories like this are made practically impossible ever again.

Also Im sorry for your pain once again 🫂

They say that if a young child displays sexually promiscuous behaviour, that's a warning sign that they've been raped. I know I was abused as a very young child, but I can't remember it and I don't know exactly what happened. But I can remember performing sexually promiscuous behaviour in the following years. So... Maybe?

Whenever I share, it goes poorly and I only end up triggering myself. I now only share with people in my inner circle and only if it's relevant to something. Talking about it is really hard and if it goes poorly, it can retraumatize. Women have to defend immediately, ala "well what were you wearing?" Bitch I was 4. I don't blame people for not talking about it more openly.

No I haven't, and I don't know anyone who has been either. However, that doesn't mean it doesn't happen, and I agree that people should be able to talk about it without being stigmatized or harassed - I wish more people agreed about that.