The allure of a good stick

3 years ago by The Picard Maneuver to c/funny

JPSound 250 points 3 years ago

I found a kickass stick 4 years ago in the Smokies the weekend my wife and I got married. It's literally the perfect stick. Straight, smooth, nice thickness, durable as hell. Must be of a rare hardwood variety, I would imagine. I still have that stick in the corner and I see it everyday when I'm sitting at my PC. Have I ever used it for anything? I wouldn't dare. It's too nice of a stick to just use on a whim. Why do I keep it around? Well, if I ever had a problem that required a really nice fuckin stick, I'm covered. Every year or so, my wife says to me, "JPSound, you still have that stick?! Why do you keep that thing around?" I look that woman dead in the eyes and say, "there will come a day, my bride, when the creator of all shall lay before us an obstacle, nay, a challenge that only a mighty stick of such grandeur may aid us in such a lofty trial. And this stick, my dearest, this stick awaits our call to guide us into the sunkissed valley of victory so sweet. Only then shall you see what I see. Know what I know now, that this mear stick, is far more than it seems. Then you will know, I am the mighty protector of this home and family. You will see, my love. You will see." Then she usually just rolls her eyes and says, "whatever... I gotta run to the grocery store. Do you need anything special?" And I respond with a mighty boom, "yeah, that fancy chocolate milk I like, please."

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JPSound 278 points 3 years ago

I may never get another chance to share this with the world, so may I present to you...

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Kit 81 points 3 years ago

Dude that may be the most perfect stick I've ever seen.

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Skkorm 71 points 3 years ago

That IS a really good stick

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DaFuqs 56 points 3 years ago

That stick did not dissapoint

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Terevos 52 points 3 years ago

That's a pretty fantastic stick.

I read your whole comment and I was skeptical. But you're totally right about everything.

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Wermhatswormhat 7 points 3 years ago

Missed opportunity! It was Fanta”stick”

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Terevos 5 points 3 years ago

groan

roll eyes

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el_bhm 39 points 3 years ago

This is a one bitching stick.

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LifeInMultipleChoice 37 points 3 years ago

Shit, that's a nice stick.

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SexualPolytope 32 points 3 years ago

Amazing!

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BarrelAgedBoredom 32 points 3 years ago

That's a nice fuckin stick

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indepndnt 29 points 3 years ago

I have to admit, I thought you were exaggerating. But that's a damn fine stick.

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Sanity_in_Moderation 26 points 3 years ago

That's a fantastic stick. Don't throw it away.

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pyromaster55 26 points 3 years ago

That is a quality fuckin stick my man.

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ProfessorProteus 25 points 3 years ago

Would that I had such a perfect stick... I can't blame you for not using it. Just don't let the dust collect on it!

I've never worked with wood, but I imagine a layer of mineral oil could keep it looking great.

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qarbone 24 points 3 years ago

Damn. That's a helluva stick. You better treasure that

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CDenno 24 points 3 years ago

That is one helluva nice stick.

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kSPvhmTOlwvMd7Y7E 22 points 3 years ago

It has a 1.5x buff for dark damage! Rare drop

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JPSound 4 points 3 years ago

1d6+2 bludgeoning damage 1d6 earth damage +2 charisma

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ProperlyProperTea 20 points 3 years ago

Nice stick bro. Excellent length, nice girth.

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The_Picard_Maneuver 20 points 3 years ago

You undersold it!

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VicentAdultman 18 points 3 years ago

nice stick my man

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pythonoob 18 points 3 years ago

Damn dude nice stick

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hemko 17 points 3 years ago

Nice stick bro

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funktion 16 points 3 years ago

That's a nice fuckin stick right there, king

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gmanlikescheese 15 points 3 years ago

Nice stick!

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NewAgeOldPerson 15 points 3 years ago

That's a really nice stick!

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alehc 15 points 3 years ago

Holy hell what a nice stick!

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big_slap 15 points 3 years ago

wow this really is the perfect stick

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jopepa 14 points 3 years ago

You should make a glass case for it with a decal “Break Glass In Case Of Emergency”

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DNOS 14 points 3 years ago

Really good stick just the perfect thickness nice slight bend too the plant which came from nailed it .... Must be glorified

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Kerandir 14 points 3 years ago

Gandalf's stick is jealous of this.

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bingbong 14 points 3 years ago

Nice.

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SubArcticTundra 13 points 3 years ago

Wow! That's fantastick!

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banazir 13 points 3 years ago

Thanks for the stick pic!

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SayJess 11 points 3 years ago

Bruh that stick is dope. Keep it safe, the fate of the world may depend upon it.

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StoicImpala 10 points 3 years ago

Fantastick !

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Kase 9 points 3 years ago

Damn, nice stick!

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ArmokGoB 8 points 3 years ago

That is a nice stick.

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FabioTheNewOrder 7 points 3 years ago

May I add my compliments and salutations to the already extensive list? Extensive as the beauty represented by that stick, of course

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machinaeZER0 6 points 3 years ago

Top tier stick my dude

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blanketswithsmallpox 1 point 3 years ago

Stick!

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Imre 1 point 3 years ago
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The_Picard_Maneuver 55 points 3 years ago

Memories of the wedding that weekend? Spotty at best.

Memories of finding that stick? Near photographic.

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DragonTypeWyvern 14 points 3 years ago

And the stick was FREE, like all the best things in life.

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tpihkal 1 point 3 years ago

I want the money. It's what I want.

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rob64 11 points 3 years ago

Are you Nick Offerman? Because this sounds very much like his writing style.

Also, it's spelled "mere", not "mear".

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PowerGloveSoBad 9 points 3 years ago

You're lucky -- whenever you can't remember the date of your anniversary, just look up the date you got married

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mvirts 5 points 3 years ago

Man this is great. I need to upgrade from the Home Depot Sticks of Justice we keep around the house, just in case.

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pelotron 118 points 3 years ago

I found a good stick once. Damn, that was a nice stick.

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Anticorp 86 points 3 years ago

I used a perfect stick once. I was backpacking in the high Sierra's and found the perfect walking stick. I carried it the entire trip, used it to poke at fires, kept my balance with it over difficult terrain, and imagined it would be a formidable weapon should we encounter a bear. When we finished the trip I decided to bestow my perfect stick upon the next fortuitous hiker to pass the trailhead. I carved my name and the date into the middle of the stick and left it leaning against the trailhead. I have thought about that stick many times since that trip. I was a fool to leave it there. Never again have I found such a perfect stick. After many disappointing treks into the wilderness I finally gave up seeking that stick's equal and instead purchased trekking poles. Wherever you are stick, I miss you.

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Spaghetti_Hitchens 38 points 3 years ago

You bestowing it in the next lucky hiker was an act of love...

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TvanBuuren 27 points 3 years ago

Shut up, I'm not crying, you are ...

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Enkers 16 points 3 years ago

Goodbye, weighted companion stick. :(

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deus 14 points 3 years ago

Dude.

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Laticauda 78 points 3 years ago

No, lots of girls and women like sticks too. This lady is just a weirdo for not liking them.

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The_Picard_Maneuver 39 points 3 years ago

Sticks are for all

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Empricorn 8 points 3 years ago

#TeamStick

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DillyDaily 19 points 3 years ago

Maybe she's a pebble or plant person? I think it's like being a cat person, dog person or pet person. Some people like sticks, some people like rocks, some people just like grabbing anything from nature that's cool enough for its catagory.

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Sombyr 10 points 3 years ago

I'm a pinecone woman. They taught us to make biodegradable bird feeders with pinecones, peanutbutter, and birdseeds way back in preschool and I've been hooked ever since.

Acorns are cool too.

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Gabu 4 points 3 years ago

There's a huge (actually enormous) pine tree near my childhood home. My siblings and I used to collect the best pinecones from that tree, every year. I remember one being almost as big as a child's head.

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DillyDaily 2 points 3 years ago

Yes! My Grandpa used to live out near a pine timber farm and because the pine cones can mess up the harvest rows if they start to germinate, the owners happily let us on the property to walk around and collect cones.

Grandpa just used them as firestarters and kindling, they smell great and they go up a little less violently than gum. We'd take a laundry basket with us on a walk and my brother and I would run around filling it up.

Now when I'm hiking, seeing pine cones on the ground reminds me of winter at grandpa's house. But I don't have a use for them (I've gotten in trouble for attracting too many birds to my unit) so I make a rule to only collect the "baby cones" that is can display next to my sea glass and compost after a while when my shelf fills up - glass is the other thing I'm always collecting when I go for walks. I love sea glass because of Mermaid Princess by Shirley Barber.

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Laticauda 4 points 3 years ago

But why like only one when you can like them all? I say that as a woman with both a stick and rock collection.

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calypsopub 2 points 3 years ago

Leaves! Pressed in wax paper and saved in a notebook!

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Noodle07 1 point 3 years ago

Horse-chestnut! What's better than having a horse chestnut in your jackets pocket?

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DillyDaily 1 point 3 years ago

Is a horse chestnut the same as a conker? I feel like I haven't seen a good conker since I was a kid!

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Noodle07 1 point 3 years ago

Yes!

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DannyMac 17 points 3 years ago

Of all the toys my daughter could play with, she loves swords, bats, brooms, or cool sticks found outside the best.

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Laticauda 4 points 3 years ago

That's extremely valid of her.

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creditCrazy 0 points 3 years ago

Especially the one in my pants

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yanyuan 24 points 3 years ago
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Kolanaki 68 points 3 years ago

"Who would win in a fight? An army guy or a stick?"

"That's stupid. The army guy would just break the stick in half."

"Ah, but now there are two sticks. Stick win every time."

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blanketswithsmallpox 3 points 3 years ago

https://i.imgur.com/9A3moG6.jpeg - Meme where I remember it from.

Also I'm approaching 40 years old. I still keep every great stick I find. Some find their way into the fire pit. Others are still used as walking sticks and fire pokers. Some shaved down nice and smooth. Others still with their bark.

My frontyard maples gave me a great staff two years ago? If I were a wizard that'd be a huge gift. No treesinging needed.

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ArmoredThirteen 58 points 3 years ago

Woman here, this is my prized stick. I found it maybe 15 years ago I think? I was camping on the Oregon coast, the absolute straightness of it stood out from a mile away. Brought it home, cut the ends off to be flat, and hand-smoothed the handle. For a long time I used it for killing spiders (it was perfect for that they never got away) but it has since retired now that I'm less scared of being poisoned and just catch/release them. One day when I'm decomposing I hope for this to be doing the same by my side.

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The_Picard_Maneuver 23 points 3 years ago

Hot damn, that's a fine stick

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Drewelite 19 points 3 years ago

Ho shit, no lies that stick is dope.

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hypnotoad__ 12 points 3 years ago

Helluva stick you got there

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orrk 9 points 3 years ago

nice stick

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clausetrophobic 5 points 3 years ago

This is the best stick I've ever seen.

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sbv 4 points 3 years ago

That's a good stick

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kersploosh 50 points 3 years ago

Love for sticks is hardwired deep in our brain. What's the first thing a toddler does outside? Find a stick and swing it around. Dig with it. Hit stuff with it. Invent games with it. Build with it. Sticks are fundamental to human behavior and civilization.

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hperrin 33 points 3 years ago

Not just humans too. Most primates love playing with/using sticks.

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sverit 1 point 3 years ago

Yes, a simple and useful tool.

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PeleSpirit 49 points 3 years ago
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Monkstrosity 21 points 3 years ago

If it was worth bringing home clearly it was a good stick

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Aceticon 45 points 3 years ago

It's a free and useful material to go along with a child's imagination (it can be a gun, it can be a sword, it can be a teacher's pointer, it can be a flagpole, it can be used as basis for all manner of constructions, you can use it to poke a things or make small holes, it lets you reach things which would otherwise be beyond your reach and so on...) plus its a complex enough object to be interesting in itself not just in shape but in texture, plus sticks come in lots of variations in shape and size.

Even the process of selecting the right stick for something you have in mind can be intellectually stimulating.

Or to put it in another way, sticks are a great basic elements for kids to invent and play their own games, they're usefull for a lot of things and you can find them for free on the ground.

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zaphod 43 points 3 years ago

Imagine what you could do with that stick, so many options...

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RaoulDook 29 points 3 years ago

It's the fundamental tool that Nature provides man

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Semi-Hemi-Demigod 15 points 3 years ago

Picking up sticks: It's more than just weird, it's a survival trait

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PlantDadManGuy 7 points 3 years ago

Stick battle your best buddy, spit roast a wild boar, balance while crossing a raging rapid on a slippery log, return to the past and defeat Aku, ahhh childhood memories.

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dditty 2 points 3 years ago

Pretend it's a sword or gun or staff or wand or microphone

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psycho_driver 42 points 3 years ago

It's a starter weapon until they get a long dagger or short sword, which is the first step up on their way to earning a katana.

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RememberTheApollo_ 41 points 3 years ago

It’s a shovel. A hole-maker. An imaginary sword. A club. A whacky-thing with which to hit things. A thing to drag along the ground and leave marks. Drag across fences or walls to feel and hear the sound. A spear, after you’ve sharpened it in the campfire. A pointer. A poker at strange and unknown critters you find under rocks. A tool to remove spiderwebs from your path. A pry bar. So, so many things.

Truly, she has no clue what “just a stick” is.

Sticks are incredible.

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0XiDE 1 point 3 years ago

A long stabby thing so you can whack em off from a distance

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rob64 1 point 3 years ago

My wife and I are rather fond of Adam Savage's term, "thwacker", when it comes to "whacky things".

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essteeyou 40 points 3 years ago

It's not just sticks though. Sometimes you find a perfect stone. Flat and round, triangular, square... Good stones.

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PlantDadManGuy 4 points 3 years ago

Welcome to the wonderful world of suiseki! Please sign your name on our guest rock with that chisel.

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Swedneck 4 points 3 years ago

if you're really lucky the stone will be sparkly or transparent or somesuch, in which case not bringing it home is a crime

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PeleSpirit 4 points 3 years ago
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Swedneck 3 points 3 years ago

it's only a crime if you're convicted

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PeleSpirit 1 point 3 years ago
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Hellstormy 40 points 3 years ago

Time for my collection to shine! I'm a woman though.

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tpihkal 17 points 3 years ago

Nice sticks!

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hemko 9 points 3 years ago

I like the long one on the back!

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VicentAdultman 8 points 3 years ago

The one closer to the table looks like a upsidedown coat stand. Nice sticks

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Hellstormy 3 points 3 years ago

That's exactly what I thought, that's why I took it with me.

Will it ever be a coat stand? Who knows...

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Piemanding 2 points 3 years ago

Problem is the protrusions are all angled the wrong direction. You can put hooks on them though.

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hperrin 36 points 3 years ago

Complaining about free toys provided by nature…

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Diprount_Tomato 10 points 3 years ago

Industrial revolution and its consequences...

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Grass 36 points 3 years ago

It's our ancestral birthright. The instinctive allure of a quality tool. The mightu stick. Simple yet sublime. One of the original old reliables.

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ramenshaman 34 points 3 years ago

This makes me miss /r/justguysbeingdudes

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CaptainHowdy 9 points 3 years ago

Same. Some parts of Reddit were actually great. Such a shame.

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ChewTiger 5 points 3 years ago

That was a good one. I really miss reading people's sci-fi stories on r/HFY. It was just fun to see what people could come up with.

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outcide 2 points 3 years ago

/r/justguysbeingdudes

Thank you, that's just what I needed today!

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Torvum 33 points 3 years ago

Women will never know the instinctual urge of a man and his need for a good stick. You can walk with them, you can sharpen them into spears, you can have a good thrashing, play with your pet.

The gentleman's utility.

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GratefullyGodless 24 points 3 years ago

Actually it's my wife who collects sticks, she sees a nice stick and brings it home intending to turn it into a wand at some point. So, we have a nice box of sticks in the garage, but still no actual wands yet.

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jarfil 8 points 3 years ago

How do you know they're not wands already? Have you tried them out?

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Iamdanno 3 points 3 years ago

that's a very good Point

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iheartneopets 5 points 3 years ago

One woman never played with sticks in her childhood and now suddenly this post is flooded with "THAT'S WHY ALL WOMEN" and "BOYS ARE JUST SO QUIRKY" comments. Good lord.

Go talk to some women guys, the number of upvotes this comment has is telling a really sad story about the demographics of Lemmy.

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Torvum 0 points 3 years ago

You take shit too seriously virgin.

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iheartneopets 0 points 3 years ago

Lmao, whatever you say, misogynist.

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Harpsist 29 points 3 years ago

My kid once had me drive 9km so she could get a stick (tree branches twice as big as her) she found at school.

That was in June. It's October now. We still have the stick.

No one breaks or burns it. It's the stick after all.

Not just a boy thing :)

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calypsopub 5 points 3 years ago

Came here to say this. OP must have had a sad childhood indeed, not to understand the allure and utility of a good stick.

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Case 27 points 3 years ago

Its a primitive thing, maybe... Like a genetic memory.

A good stick is a bad ass tool when you only have your hands, its free and plentiful, and its no big loss to start over.

You can use a stick to kill or stun animals, dig a trench for waste, with more sticks and some sort of cover you make a shelter, sticks are also fuel for fire, a stick can get you into a sheltered situation, possibly with a warm meal, and its just a bunch of sticks.

Add a pointed rock to the mix? Fuck, now you have one of the most effective weapons in the history of humanity.

A good stick and a good rock is the most primitive tool set we had, and it was available to everyone.

I really need to get back into field craft.

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remotedev 3 points 3 years ago

While I don't disagree with any of that, to play devil's advocate: the post was referring to men/boys obsessing over sticks more than women/girls. I remember the post, a ton of comments asking to see the stick lol. So why is it more of a thing for males than females? Is it because, at least back in the 90s or earlier, boys were sent outside to play and a stick was a gun/sword/hiking staff/whatever else we could come up with, and girls were pushed to play with their dolls and used their imagination that way?

Not to say this was how it was for everyone, or it was right, but there were more gender roles pushed on us back then (saying back then makes me feel old). And I guess that doesn't explain anything of why the son now has a interest in sticks, maybe it's not the first time dad and son bonded over a stick and it stuck with him that dad likes sticks so I like sticks too.

/end coffee withdrawal ramblings

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piecat 2 points 3 years ago

I don't know what the consensus is these days, but at one point it was thought that "cavemen" tended to hunt and "cavewomen" tended to care for young and gather.

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lntl 27 points 3 years ago

son liked the stick, father was supportive of son. love it

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Texas_Hangover -12 points 3 years ago
path: 0 4789004 4791375, hotness: undefined, score: -12, children: 3
ech 12 points 3 years ago

Dude, she's asking a question about something she doesn't understand. Chill the fuck out.

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Yawnder 3 points 3 years ago
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force -4 points 3 years ago

idk man fathers are like this just as frequently, from what i've seen more are like this than mothers

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Kjatten 26 points 3 years ago

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LazaroFilm 24 points 3 years ago

Primal instincts taking over. Sticks are good for a lot of things. Fire, spear, walking, poking things out of trees, throwing at the dog… sticks are good.

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hperrin 23 points 3 years ago

Throwing for the dog.

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S410 9 points 3 years ago

Depends on what the dog doin'

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TvanBuuren 6 points 3 years ago

Semantics

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Sabata11792 5 points 3 years ago

Better yet, collect a bunch of sticks and convince them to throw the dog.

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cynar 3 points 3 years ago

Fyi, I would advise against this. An alarming number of dogs get hurt by it. They chase after it, and try and grab it. If the angle is just right(wrong?) the stick can impale their mouth. It requires surgery to fix.

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NumbersCanBeFun 4 points 3 years ago
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cynar 1 point 3 years ago

Unfortunately it's not a stupid dog problem, but an enthusiastic dog one. The best bet is to use toys that can't seriously hurt them in a moment of bad luck, e.g. tennis balls.

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Rhynoplaz 4 points 3 years ago

Those dogs were defective to begin with. It's unfortunate, but inevitable.

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treadful 2 points 3 years ago

Dog don't care.

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ininewcrow 4 points 3 years ago

Canadian with a stick ..... I need to use this while wearing metal blades on my feet and full armour with a bunch of my friends while we fight another group of guys with sticks and metal blades under their feet.

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LazaroFilm 1 point 3 years ago

… oh guyf I found a toof! Whov if it?

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NumbersCanBeFun 2 points 3 years ago
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formergijoe 24 points 3 years ago

My daughter loves collecting sticks. Not just a guy thing

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spudwart 24 points 3 years ago

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ladicius 20 points 3 years ago

Now I want a stick, too.

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veni_vedi_veni 20 points 3 years ago

Awww, I find it so wholesome when son and father conspire against mother

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GreenMario 19 points 3 years ago

Sticks are awesome.

So are stones and any pinecone shaped like a grenade.

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pythonoob 19 points 3 years ago

After reading all these comments stick doesn't seem like a word anymore.

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Classy 21 points 3 years ago path: 0 4792944 4793023, hotness: undefined, score: 21, children: 7
xamirozar 4 points 3 years ago
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Classy 1 point 3 years ago

My first experience with it was when I made up a little lawn mowing business to fund an electric guitar in high school. After a couple hours of mowing, I'd find myself repeating

graaassss. grasssssss..... What a weird noise

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TheOakTree 3 points 3 years ago

Saved this post because I know I'll want to refer to this later... holy shit

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Zeshade 3 points 3 years ago

"Jamais vu" is another term for it.

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Deebster 4 points 3 years ago

Is it?
Wikipedia says:

Jamais vu is often described as the opposite of déjà vu

which is quite different.

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Zeshade 2 points 3 years ago

Effectively it's a more general version of it. Not specific to words and not specific to the why we feel this way. You're right it's not the same thing. But I meant that it's another way to name the effect you're experiencing.

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jarfil 1 point 3 years ago

Stick stick sticksticksticksticksticks ticks...

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HerbalGamer 17 points 3 years ago

Dogs get it.

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tslnox 17 points 3 years ago

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bilboswaggings 11 points 3 years ago

I mean if the kids like it why not? I would much rather that than beg the parents for some Vbucks to have some half assed virtual stick

path: 0 4779989, hotness: undefined, score: 11, children: 0
FlyingGayMonkey 11 points 3 years ago

I've had a bamboo stick at home for at least 4-5 years now it's incredible. You wanna scratch your back it's got it, you wanna protect yourself against aliens invading your home it's got it Sticks are amazing

path: 0 4782940, hotness: undefined, score: 11, children: 0
chaorace 10 points 3 years ago path: 0 4797528, hotness: undefined, score: 10, children: 4
PhinaryDivision 3 points 3 years ago

I am a stick.

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SkybreakerEngineer 3 points 3 years ago

But you could be fire

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chaorace 1 point 3 years ago

A surreal depiction of stick as it appears in the dimension of Shadesmar, a location in Brandon Sanderson's The Stormlight Archive novels

I am a stick

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FlyingSquid 1 point 3 years ago path: 0 4797528 4804916, hotness: undefined, score: 1, children: 0
GaMEChld 10 points 3 years ago

Sticks were our toys when we were little. They were our swords, our guns, etc.

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needthosepylons 10 points 3 years ago

Damn, I need to find myself a proper stick.

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m0darn 9 points 3 years ago

This reminds me, I have to go find a good stick.

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Ziglin 8 points 3 years ago

When I was in kindergarten all of us had stick collections.

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troglodytis 8 points 3 years ago

What's brown and sticky?

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get_off_the_phone 2 points 3 years ago

A stick!

What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?

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civylw 8 points 3 years ago

I found two good sticks last week walking the dogs. We all agreed we need to take them home.

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Hupf 7 points 3 years ago path: 0 4785303, hotness: undefined, score: 7, children: 0
FlyingSquid 7 points 3 years ago

It must have been a pretty thick stick. Thin sticks are for breaking into little pieces while you're sitting down.

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Noodle07 2 points 3 years ago

The knee must be used to break long sticks in half until they're too short to be broken further

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Daisyifyoudo 7 points 3 years ago

Sticks are unbelievable

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needthosepylons 6 points 3 years ago

Damn, I need to find myself a proper stick.

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pineapplelover 5 points 3 years ago path: 0 4809916, hotness: undefined, score: 5, children: 2
The_Picard_Maneuver 5 points 3 years ago

Subbed!

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thegoodyinthehoody 3 points 3 years ago

Snap!

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tentaclius 3 points 3 years ago

Well, we sit on the ground and dig holes with a stick. I mean... that's what men supposed to do...

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IbnLemmy 3 points 3 years ago

Sticky stick stick stick

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kubica 1 point 3 years ago
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Hossenfeffer 1 point 3 years ago path: 0 4818809, hotness: undefined, score: 1, children: 0
JPSound 1 point 3 years ago
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