Else, Jaws can't get you if you're nowhere close to the sea
Until they release a Jaws/Sharknado crossover.
IrateAnteater 58 points a year ago
samus12345 14 points a year ago
It says 24 hours of being chased by the villain. That means the timer won't start until they start chasing you.
WhiskyTangoFoxtrot 10 points a year ago
Jaws is a spy movie henchman, not a horror movie villain.
Corn 1 point a year ago
No, the pregnancy is accelerated, but I think it takes longr than a day, but it might be faster in some circumstances. Even if you get 3 billion dollars, it doesnt really matter if you're going to die giving birth to a hermaphroditic hybrid of homosapian and smallpox days later.
As far as mpreg goes; we dont know. Do you want to take that risk?
Macaroni_ninja 68 points a year ago
I wanted to say Freddy, because 24 hours without sleep would be easy-peasy. ...then I realized Im not a teenageer anymore and would probably take a nap anyways.
QuoVadisHomines 8 points a year ago
Ahh but have you heard about meth?
ShaggySnacks 4 points a year ago
For $3 billion, I will take a crippling meth addiction.
QuoVadisHomines 3 points a year ago
Would you get addicted that fast? I have zero experience with speed in any form
1SimpleTailor 63 points a year ago
This made me look up the actual Predator code of Honor and I quote
"Unarmed and/or "innocent" beings may be hunted if they:
Are the specific objective of a hunt."
Sorry Op, you're still screwed.
Jaws is objectively the best choice anyway. Just drive inland.
GreenKnight23 39 points a year ago
lagoon8622 1 point a year ago path: 0 17631558 17643133, hotness: undefined, score: 1, children: 0
GraniteM 44 points a year ago
The Tyrannosaurus rex from Jurassic Park because first of all, I'm actually pretty sure I'd be fine so long as I can get in my car and drive away at a reasonable pace. Secondly, just think of the absolutely incredible collateral damage. Even if I get killed, it would be one of the most talked-about and confusing incidents in American history for the rest of time.
WoodScientist 39 points a year ago
Freddy Kruger, as long as I have prep time. Get a good night sleep the night before? Staying awake for 24 hours is pretty trivial. I can get up at 6 one morning and stay up til 6 the next morning. I'm willing to screw my sleep cycle up for a few days in exchange for 3 billion dollars.
outhouseperilous 9 points a year ago
Just meth, honestly.
Duamerthrax 1 point a year ago
Freddy Kruger vs Chev Chelios.
Inaminate_Carbon_Rod 1 point a year ago
What did you spend your billions on?
More meth obviously
outhouseperilous 1 point a year ago
You do not understand how addiction works. I... Kinda understand kinda don't.
But sometimes, sometimes drugs really are the solution, and if you cant get your hands on modafinil, I think 'survive freddy kreuger for 24 hours' is one of those times.
The us air force kits in vietnam, for crashed pilots? They followed a similar logic.
Scott_of_the_Arctic 32 points a year ago
Nosferatu. Because I live in the arctic and it's summer.
Viking_Hippie 10 points a year ago
Username checks out.
In related news, I'd choose Gordon Gekko since his financial misdeeds can't affect me within a day when I'm out plundering England for tie dye 😉
Scott_of_the_Arctic 2 points a year ago
Som en Skotte, jeg føler meg forpliktet å si ifra at England har mye mer hasj enn tie-dye.
Viking_Hippie 2 points a year ago
Jeg kan bestemt bruge begge dele! 😄
Anomalocaris 2 points a year ago
hope no one tells the vampires about sun tan lotion
VindictiveJudge 3 points a year ago
The first Blade movie actually had the antagonist go out in the sun by using copious amounts of sun screen.
Anomalocaris 2 points a year ago
let's face it, modern day vamps would just wear stuff to cover themselves or sun tan lotion.
they would go around like normal, and at worst be considered to have a disability
Scott_of_the_Arctic 1 point a year ago
Trust me. As a partial ginger, it doesn't work well enough.
Anomalocaris 1 point a year ago
God didn't want you to leave Ireland.
RagnarokOnline 5 points a year ago
Until a car accident and they put you on pain killers and don’t allow you to drive. You gonna end up Stranger Things’d in that hospital bed.
Ilovethebomb 27 points a year ago
I'm going with Jaws, and staying home.
Anomalocaris 14 points a year ago
weather alert, there's a tornado on your way...
hope it doesn't launch a weird franchise
Sunsofold 26 points a year ago
Prompt says you're being chased but nothing about the quality of the chase. I like the image of the predator being obligated to chase them but feeling kind of ashamed of it so they don't really want to get the kill.
Hunted: '*puff, wheeze* Just... gotta... get to the top... of the hill.' Predator: *walks calmly up to just behind the hunted and makes a predator noise, then sits to wait for them to scramble the rest of the way up while the predator plays space-solitaire*
phdepressed 23 points a year ago
Tucker and Dale aren't the villains. Chad is.
Gullible 9 points a year ago
They’re both the villains and the victims. Chad was also both villain and victim. All of the students killing themselves in absurd ways, both villains and victims. That was the main joke, from what I understood.
phdepressed 10 points a year ago
The other kids, yeah. Chad is just full villain by the end tho.
TachyonTele 8 points a year ago
You're just itchin to kill yourself on thier property, aintcha?
ShinkanTrain 7 points a year ago
You'd probably still die somehow
DragonTypeWyvern 2 points a year ago
He doomed himself the moment he called them fine fellas the villains.
Evil_Shrubbery 25 points a year ago
Millennials would take this challenge & use it to die in the first minute.
outhouseperilous 4 points a year ago
Free and potentially spectacular
outhouseperilous 3 points a year ago
Now we're talking!
Phoenicianpirate 24 points a year ago
The predator does not kill children or pregnant women. Predator 2 showed that. A kid with a toy UZI spotted the predator with his light bending and as a precaution the predator armed his shoulder cannon, but upon sensing it was not a real gun he disarmed it.
Also the subway showed he found a fetus developing in a woman and immediately released her.
ivanafterall 8 points a year ago
I am neither of those things.
Phoenicianpirate 6 points a year ago
No, but you would be an unarmed helpless guy. Not sporting enough for a predator. Or at least you will fake being helpless! There is no honor in slaughter.
Anomalocaris 5 points a year ago
it's not too late to get into mpreg.
FuckFascism 3 points a year ago path: 0 17647134 17647967 17648138, hotness: undefined, score: 3, children: 0
GelatinGeorge 6 points a year ago
Okay, so be a pregnant child. Got you.
groolthedemon 1 point a year ago
I've got lots of mud and trees at my place. I'll be just fine.
Mic_Check_One_Two 11 points a year ago
Wasn’t one of his big things that he was supernaturally strong and resilient? It wasn’t just a doll; It was a doll that was possessed by the ghost of a serial killer. So there was some supernatural aspect to it that made it harder to destroy than most people would expect.
mriswith 9 points a year ago
If you go by the early versions he is limited by his physical doll-form. He can't fly, teleport, drive, etc. and he's not really that strong, or fast.
If you knew about him and that he was coming after you, it shouldn't be that difficult.
QuoVadisHomines 6 points a year ago
Seriously he could maybe cover 5 miles in 24 hours.
ChickenLadyLovesLife 22 points a year ago
I'd go with Hopper from A Bug's Life. I'm sure he's a huge threat to Dave Foley and Julia Louse-Dreyfus, but I ain't worried about no grasshopper, even one voiced by Kevin Spacey.
MedicPigBabySaver 22 points a year ago
Fuck Reddit and Fuck Spez.
selkiesidhe 20 points a year ago
Absolutely a Yautja (Predator). Pretty sure short middle-aged pudgy women who'd curl into a sad ball on the floor when threatened would be the most dishonorable kills ever. He might even be forced to off himself in shame for that lol
Duamerthrax 5 points a year ago
If we're doing irl monsters, Henry Kissinger. Even before he was dead, I could take him.
Zugyuk 16 points a year ago
Specifically chasing for 24 hours... So, any of the antagonists that require planning, or are infirmed ... Or both?
John Kramer, the jigsaw killer. Bitch has terminal brain cancer and is in a wheelchair most of the time. I don't think he could come up with a jigsaw plan, kidnap and execute it in that much time.
sp3ctr4l 5 points a year ago
I was also going to say the SAW guy, but for different reasons:
John only targets people who he knows, who morally disgust him, or people who have personally made his own life considerably worse, or slighted him in some way.
...
If the scenario is... I have to survive 24 hours without being targetted by one of his kidnapping and torture plots...
Well, I do not have any deep, hidden secrets, I do not deny any part of my past to anyone willing to ask about it, I do not pretend to be something I am not. I have of course made mistakes, but they've never ruined any one's life, and I freely admit and take responsibility for them.
Frankly, given my considerably traumatic life thus far, and my current status of... being crippled, doing not much beyond PT and lemmyposting all day, untill I finish recovery... and given that I have actually made friends out of actual, diagnosed sociopaths before...
I really do not think I would be the kind of person John would have any problem with.
...
If the scenario was just poof, both of us appear in a room and are both there for 24 hrs... we just... talk? Trauma bond over our fucked up lives?
John has, more than once, recruited into his schemes people who... pass his tests, whom he does not find morally abhorent.
I don't have to agree with him on every single issue, I mostly just have to not be a hypocrite, and not intentionally try to offend or harm him.
...
Oh right, given that I have actually been held captive by a fentanyl addled mad man, for a week, and managed to talk my way into letting me leave... and then stumble over to a nearby firestation and tell them to call the police...
If I have actually survived a week of a very similar situation, I think I can survive just 24 hrs with a fictional character, who has a much, much more consistent, albeit still fucked up worldview.
sp3ctr4l 1 point a year ago
I mean yeah, he is not perfectly consistent nor 'reasonable', and... some nonsense plot inconsistencies/holes begin to crop up as the entire series keeps going.
That being said: I'm not saying I'm 100% guaranteed to be safe.
I'm saying I think I have pretty good odds, and thus so would a lot of other people who are self-aware and contemplativr enough to not be massive moral hypocrites, or in denial of or hiding some horrible secret in their past.
sp3ctr4l 4 points a year ago
Thanks for believing me.
Yeah, when I'm feeling down... I can always look back on that, objectively tell myself 'I've survived worse', and give myself a pat on the back for that, haha!
WoodScientist 0 points a year ago path: 0 17630375 17630836, hotness: undefined, score: 0, children: 1
kraftpudding 2 points a year ago
I can't tell if you're serious...
Don_alForno 15 points a year ago
One zombie. I could win against one zombie. With prep time. I think.
GreenKnight23 9 points a year ago
Don_alForno 3 points a year ago
Remember, just one. In my prep time I'll build pit traps.
Anomalocaris 2 points a year ago
the zombie also gets prep time
Don_alForno 2 points a year ago
Ok. How would you say does it prep?
Anomalocaris 2 points a year ago
It wouldn't be fair for me to tell you, unless you want me to tell them how you are preparing
logicbomb 2 points a year ago
The criteria is that it's a horror villain of your choice. So, I don't know why you'd choose a boss zombie or one of those really bad variants when you could choose one of the zombies from Shawn of the Dead.
But I'm also not completely sure that a random zombie really counts as a "villain".
Don_alForno 3 points a year ago
What if it was an unusually charismatic zombie with a tragic backstory?
atomicbocks 13 points a year ago
I mean it would be easy to choose somebody like Professor Moriarty. Assuming they didn’t gain instant knowledge of how to navigate the 21st century and/or you didn’t have to spend the 24 hours in their time/universe.
Mic_Check_One_Two 15 points a year ago
Professor Moriarty would also likely be disinterested in actually coming after you. He only targeted Holmes because Holmes kept uncovering his criminal plans. He began to see Holmes as a roadblock, and was continuously frustrated by Holmes’ investigative abilities. As long as you weren’t in Moriarty’s way and didn’t have anything to offer him, he likely wouldn’t care about you. After all, his public image was that of a respected scholar. You’d be a little fish in a very big pond, and Moriarty was smart enough to recognize that going after you would net him nothing in return.
CileTheSane 8 points a year ago
Moriarty was told that if you die in the next 24 hours he gets $3 billion.
Mic_Check_One_Two 2 points a year ago
Fine. Hop in a car, and get on the nearest highway. Every time you come to a fork, roll a die to see which direction you go. 24 hours is a long time to drive, but not impossible. And assuming a truly random path, he’d have no hope of predicting where you were going to try and head you off. Hell, stop over and rent a new car whenever you’re running low on gas, just to make things even more confusing; You’re about to win $3B, so what is a few hundred dollars in rental car fees?
CileTheSane 7 points a year ago
Fine. Hop in a car, and get on the nearest highway. Every time you come to a fork, roll a die to see which direction you go.
Careful, that's how you end up here:
WhatsTheHoldup 2 points a year ago path: 0 17626433 17626958, hotness: undefined, score: 2, children: 0
finitebanjo 13 points a year ago
Imagine being out hunting and you walk right near an old injured wild pig and it just sits there staring at you.
Be funny if the Predator pats the guy on the head before leaving.
DragonTypeWyvern 5 points a year ago
We can be billionaire buddies because that was my first choice too.
Get laid, go for a road trip, get paid.
tino 11 points a year ago
The Refregirator (yeah, it's a thing: https://www.imdb.com/fr/title/tt0102767/), It's a haunted / gate of hell fridge attacking a couple who just moved in a shitty appartment. Even if you unplug it, it still tries to eat you or send his minions (toaster, blender...) so I'll surely die horribly but I'm all for fighting against electric appliances.
GreenCrunch 5 points a year ago
All good until the printer comes after you. Printers are haunted normally, so I imagine under this scenario they'd be even more malevolent...
Duamerthrax 2 points a year ago
A tire. I can drive away faster then that thing can roll.
RagnarokOnline 11 points a year ago
Krampus. It’s summer rn
rayquetzalcoatl 10 points a year ago
Surviving the predator? You mean being part of a minecraft youtuber's discord before your 18th birthday?
leftzero 10 points a year ago
path: 0 17628555, hotness: undefined, score: 10, children: 2
I'm sure I could survive 24 hours being hit with a spoon.
WhiskyTangoFoxtrot 4 points a year ago
Time is the fire in which we burn.
WhiskyTangoFoxtrot 9 points a year ago
I could probably take Nurse Ratched in a fight.
ivanafterall 9 points a year ago
The girl from Teeth. I mean, worst case...
Full disclosure: I have not actually seen the movie.
ILikeBoobies 2 points a year ago
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vagina_dentata
If you are a lox believer then it’s the world’s oldest myth
ivanafterall 1 point a year ago
Whoa, I truly had no idea. That's pretty wild.
MummysLittleBloodSlut 9 points a year ago
Choo Choo Charles.
Charles can't swim. I'll just take the ferry to an island.
MummysLittleBloodSlut 15 points a year ago
He's a train, and he's a train.
Corn 3 points a year ago
path: 0 17633303 17636523 17636979 17643868, hotness: undefined, score: 3, children: 0
Ilovethebomb 7 points a year ago
Shawshank is nowhere close to being a horror movie.
mothersprotege 3 points a year ago
Tbf, none of the Predator movies are horror, either. This whole post is built on a lie!
vaultdweller013 6 points a year ago
Can I go for a horror monster that isn't necessarily from a horror movie? Because if so I'm going for the flying black bedsheets from Harry Potter 3, it's summer and I want a mobile air conditioner. Also it couldn't inflict anything I to me that I don't do to myself, guess it could try to eat my soul but I'm pretty sure I don't have one.
Wolf 5 points a year ago
Otis Driftwood from House of 1000 Corpses. He has no supernatural powers.
I have lived around crazy rednecks all my life (Indiana and Florida). Pretty sure I could outwit 1 crazy redneck, and with 3 Billion I could afford to finally escape this hellhole.
prole 1 point a year ago
Otis Driftwood from House of 1000 Corpses. He has no supernatural powers.
Am I misremembering the end of that movie, or does it end up getting kind of supernatural? Don't remember if Otis himself did anything though...
Wolf 1 point a year ago
It definitely gets weird towards the end and I think it's meant to be sorta ambiguous/ open to interpretation.
From what I can recall (it's been a while) and from watching the sequels, I think Otis and Co were just psycho rednecks, but I could be wrong about that.
prole 2 points a year ago
It's been years for me as well... For some reason though, I can distinctly picture the end House of 1000 Corpses, when they're in like Satan's lair under the house and it's definitely supernatural lol... But yeah, they don't really explicitly explain what's happening. If I recall, they were like harvesting corpses for satan or some form of extreme evil that lived under the house?
LovableSidekick 4 points a year ago
Predator, absolutely. I can survive 24 hrs lying under the bushes covered in mud.
Anomalocaris 4 points a year ago
as soon as the mud heats up you'll be visible again
you'll have to change the mud frequently
LovableSidekick 3 points a year ago
Thanks! /note to self
samus12345 4 points a year ago
Unless he switches view modes like the one in Predator 2.
samus12345 2 points a year ago
He was able to see people who thought they were hidden since they only knew about the thermal view.
wowwoweowza 4 points a year ago
When did predator not kill someone??
Anomalocaris 13 points a year ago
they seem to ignore the camera crew, that's kind of them...
fuck it, we need a BBC mockumentary about then filming the predator like a nature documentary.
wowwoweowza 1 point a year ago
Five star idea! I’m literally laughing at the … Spinaltap version!! That would by hysterical.
Anomalocaris 1 point a year ago
david Attenborough narration, about hour the military commandos are entering a trap. and offhand question why are there US military troops in a central American jungle?
wowwoweowza 1 point a year ago
You must be young?
So… I’m no history major but as I recall, Nicaragua had a socialist government called the FMLN… Reagan hated socialism and hired Oliver North to arm and train El Salvadoran troops… it’s wasn’t very secret. We had military boots on the ground. Even now I believe that we have a base in Panama to train soldiers… it’s connected to West Point somehow.
But yeah, if shit’s going on places, we’re there.
I do not know how Predator explained our soldiers down there but it didn’t have to.
MonkderVierte 4 points a year ago
Daredevil. Or Batman.
MycelialMass 13 points a year ago
Batmans a billionaire isnt he? sounds like a villain to me
Duamerthrax 3 points a year ago
To be fair, most of those villains could never realistically get an insanity plea in court. Most people with mental issues don't go poisoning the city's water supply.
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humor
@lemmy.world
9786
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"Laugh-a-Palooza: Unleash Your Inner Chuckle!"
Rules
Read Full Rules Here!
Rule 1: Keep it light-hearted. This community is dedicated to humor and laughter, so let’s keep the tone light and positive.
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Sadako. Her curse takes 7 days to take effect, assuming it's gone once 24 hours are up. Else, Jaws can't get you if you're nowhere close to the sea.
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