I tell people I don't use social media at all but I'm actually on the Fediverse.

As a kid I was too afraid to go down the stairs to the bathroom at night, so I peed in the humidifier instead

I caused ~$100k damage to my middle school.

I am going to fuzz some of the details for obvious reasons, but when I was in 8th grade, I was dealing with a chaotic home life and had just moved for the 3rd time in 8 years across the country. I hated the school and didn't really have friends so developed some destructive habits.

Our physical education teacher was a lazy, creepy, moron who would force us to run laps for an hour which let him sit in his office. He'd berate kids and give them mean racist nicknames and if you refused he would give you an F for your midpoint report which meant you couldn't participate in any other sport or extracurricular activity the school sponsored. The class was half the grade at a time so it was over a hundred kids including the disabled kids and sometimes would just leave us unsupervised for an hour. At one point he crudely encouraged on two kids with downs syndrome make out, which they did while he watched and laughed and made fun of them. Just an evil spiteful man.

So before and after class we had 15 minutes to get ready so I would go around the locker room and find anything that would fit in a toilet and flush it. Towels, clothes, backpacks, food, pencils, paper - all of it in the toilet. They had insane flush power so would violently suck it all down and I thought it was just funny. I did it off and on for a month.

One day we heard gym was cancelled and then the school was cancelled the next day because of a facilities issue. Apparently the gym flooded pretty badly. We had to start having gym outside. Then after a couple weeks we had a school wide assembly and the superintendent was there and explained that a group of people had been flushing stuff down the toilet and they had to do a massive, emergency plumbing project that cost them $100k+. They were super mad and told us they already knew almost everyone who did it but if you come forward you won't get expelled. Yeah, sure.

Anyway, I had no friends and no one knew I was doing it so I just didn't say anything and got away with it. Also, a few years later the gym teacher was fired allegedly for some sexual misconduct issue.

I will probably get downvoted for this but anyway; I cheated half my university years, 2 of the 4 years. This was in the Coronapandemic.

What contributed to my decision back then;

• Professors that did not want to actually teach.
• Online classes that were a disaster.
• Was not allows to ask questions in online classes but only in physical ones.. But there were no physical classes at that point.

nice try

Deleted by moderator.

I draw porn sometimes. No one I know will ever see it and those who do won't ever know I did it

I refused to let my parents visit me for my 40th birthday.

The legitimate reason as that Dad is disabled and the journey is too long

The reason I gave was that I still wasn't over calling them out over favouritism when I stayed with them over Christmas.

The actual reason is that even before Christmas I had decided I would celebrate the big 40 by hiring an escort to finally lose my virginity.

I voted for the right wing party once.

In my defense I had just turned 18 and had no idea what I was doing.

I quit paying taxes when trump was elected. No representation? Cool. You’re not getting a fucking dime from me.

I stole so much candy from a candy factory when I was about twelve that I had candy for a whole year. 🍬

You first. 👀

Nice try

I've told people that I hated my father since I was like toddler. Nobody ever believed me. They just lecture me that I don't really mean that.

Not really a secret I guess, but it's just something that people refuse to believe because I guess it goes against their 'family is always love' nonsense.

Also I did a lot of vandalism when I was a pre-teen. not really a secret either, but folks who find this out about me get really offended and upset, i think because they think I'm some uptight straight-laced person, mostly because I don't drink or do drugs for awhile now. I did do a lot of booze and drugs from 16-20 though.

Nice try, American agency!

Middle school me only felt positive emotions when 9/11 happened

I like to jerk off while wearing a dress. I'd tell a partner if I had one but that's it.

Always acted like I never had Reddit when anybody asked. I did. I was involved with NSFL subs. (Makemycoffin RIP)

I belong to this weird online community where people show up and think they have these great ideas that they want to share with the world, most of them are ideas that have been implanted in their minds from prolonged exposure to some other social media experience 🤫

There was that one time I...ooohh...you almost got me!

I pee in the pool.

I'm pretty sure I've processed all of my secrets.

There's somebody out there somewhere that knows just about everything I've ever done.

That being said, there are some things I don't tell just anyone.

I use lemmy

I am the zodiac killer. The names Ted

The reason I got banned from reddit. I tried trading my account with someone back then, and likely got a permaban for that reason. Reddit never told me why I got permaban, but it's likely the reason.

The reason I tell everyone is that it's because I was the moderator of the rule 34 subreddit of my country's prime minister( which I actually was).

Windows has a tracking ID you can’t remove

I'm the Unbomber. No, not the other one! I go to places and just enjoy them and maybe pick up some trash. I never damage them.

I fucked your mom and didn't call her back.

Nice try…

I'm the reason the pump don't work.

I's the one i won't tell online, either.

Anything known by two or more people is not a secret, but an asset.

I use fit-girl repacks

You can't trick me Kurtagag, I know you're CIA!!

I will never tell anyone in real life that I know a secret that I will never tell anyone in real life.