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soak and jump hump

3 years ago by sexy_peach to c/memes

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HikingVet 147 points 3 years ago

Not to kink shame but is this some sort of cuckold thing I'm too asexual to understand?

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astanix 119 points 3 years ago

Nah, you aren't supposed to have sex before marriage.

They get around this by putting a penis in a vagina but not moving at all. Someone else jumps on the bed to cause the movement.

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sexy_peach 67 points 3 years ago

They get around this by putting a penis in a vagina but not moving at all. Someone else jumps on the bed to cause the movement.

But like does a significant amount of people actually do this?

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zoostation 79 points 3 years ago

No, it was just a dumb hoax.

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half_built_pyramids 44 points 3 years ago

I knew guys who thought bjs and anal weren't sex, so jebus would still love them

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astanix 17 points 3 years ago

I don't even know if this is something that actually happens or just internet rumors...

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kpw 8 points 3 years ago

No.

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Kingofthezyx 34 points 3 years ago

Mormon God: Damn, they got me.

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lowleveldata 21 points 3 years ago

Are they fucking morons? Just use a horse riding machine

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_danny 47 points 3 years ago

Are they fucking morons

Close, they are mormons fucking

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Gabu 7 points 3 years ago

To be fair, the difference is so small you can barely tell.

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ipkpjersi 2 points 3 years ago

No, they're mormons.

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Scubus 17 points 3 years ago

Do they quantum teleport the dick? Because insertion... involves movement?

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eskimofry 4 points 3 years ago

No they dissassemble it and carry the pieces on their shoulder and reassemble it at the worksite.

Edit: sorry wrong community.

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decisivelyhoodnoises 1 point 3 years ago

It doesn't count if it is an accident. So they pretend that one of them lands on the other

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GrammatonCleric 4 points 3 years ago

...they would still be moving around

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qaz 9 points 3 years ago

The earth is moving at 107226km/h, they would be moving anyway.

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Duranie 6 points 3 years ago

Ahhh, but then that's someone else's fault for jumping on the bed.

Next step - the poop-hole loophole!

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mrcleanup 4 points 3 years ago

Do Mormons not use the poophole loophole?

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satans_crackpipe 137 points 3 years ago

If ya gotta jump through these hilarious hoops to not feel bad about fucking, can we at least optimize?

Can't you just soak and un-soak repeatedly? Is there a skill cool down that has to be respected to not make sky grandpa mad?

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1847953620 22 points 3 years ago

sky gramps is into all of this already

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Robust_Mirror 1 point 3 years ago

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PipedLinkBot 1 point 3 years ago

Here is an alternative Piped link(s):

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radioactiveradio 6 points 3 years ago

Even with a cooldown, there's two people. Can at least hit a combo.

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ElBarto 5 points 3 years ago

There's a 5 minute cool down period between each soak, unless you purchase the atheist pack in the store, which cuts the cool down, but you run through stamina quickly.

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MTK 97 points 3 years ago

Religion: God is all knowing, all seeing and wise.

Also religion: If you ask your friend to move you inside a vagina, god won't know you're fucking!

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Suspicious 14 points 3 years ago

God knows but you technically didn't break the rule

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Aaron 11 points 3 years ago

Some real "I tied a string to my friend's house so it's technically one house and I didn't travel there on the Sabbath" energy

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otter 6 points 3 years ago

Where are these friends that would "move you inside a vagina god"?! 😱🔥❤️

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MTK 2 points 3 years ago

Damn you!

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jol 2 points 3 years ago

I mean, God will forgive all sins if you pray sorry after. I think They are pretty gullible.

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Selmafudd 93 points 3 years ago

Sounds like a threesome with extra steps

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killeronthecorner 73 points 3 years ago

Foursome (God watches)

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Agent641 36 points 3 years ago

The lord is watching you sinners! (He didnt say stop)

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MrBusiness 2 points 3 years ago

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otter 5 points 3 years ago

The oldest cuckold. 🤢

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Gradually_Adjusting -2 points 3 years ago

*fewer

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Nahodyashka 84 points 3 years ago

As my Mormon friend said, God is like a T Rex, it can't see you if you don't move

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radioactiveradio 5 points 3 years ago

😂😂😂

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The_Vampire 70 points 3 years ago

Actual Ex-Mormon who attended BYU here: Soaking was never a thing, I have only ever heard about it on the internet or literally in the context of Mormons laughing about non-Mormons believing in Mormons doing such things (yeah, they're meta about it).

What is an actual thing is Mormons getting married super early (for a multitude of reasons, one being the horny). Easily over 70% of the students I knew were married by the time they were seniors in college.

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ExLisper 50 points 3 years ago

Sorry to break it to you but I also attented BYU and soaking was totally a thing, we just never invited you.

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Hagarashi8 16 points 3 years ago

Someone, call the police! This was an absolute murder!

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Beetschnapps 9 points 3 years ago

It’s funny cause there are no real winners in all this.

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The_Vampire 3 points 3 years ago

Good. Don't ever invite me.

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zalgotext 8 points 3 years ago

I can't confirm or deny your claims about soaking, because I never went to BYU.

However, I did live in a smallish town in Utah for a year, and I can confirm I saw more married and pregnant 18 year old teens in that one year than I've seen in the entire rest of my life.

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Geriatrickid 3 points 3 years ago

So the jump hump is real?

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RealFknNito 62 points 3 years ago

Just fuck already

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Lexam 10 points 3 years ago

Every porn I have ever watched.

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TheRedSpade 6 points 3 years ago

Allow me to introduce you to a wonderful tool: the seek bar

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Robust_Mirror 3 points 3 years ago

But then I'll miss important plot points! How can I understand how they got into that position without the context!?

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Rustmilian 49 points 3 years ago

Mormon - m = Moron

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Jorgelino 26 points 3 years ago

Mormon - m = Oro

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driving_crooner 24 points 3 years ago

Did you mean oron?

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NoIWontPickaName 9 points 3 years ago

I can’t tell if that is a purposeful typo or not.

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sus 5 points 3 years ago

mormon - 5*n = Oro

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_danny 4 points 3 years ago

Technically it'd need to be:

mormon / 2m = oron

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driving_crooner 4 points 3 years ago

A word isn't a product of letters, that would made mormon = nomorm, but an ordered set, where the subtract operation gives you the first set without any element also found on the second set (in set notation A-B = A-(A intersection B)

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Jorgelino 2 points 3 years ago

Perhaps...

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RIP_Cheems 14 points 3 years ago

Mormon - m + e = oreo

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Rustmilian 7 points 3 years ago

Windows user detected.
You're so case-insensitive, ba-dum-tss.

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radioactiveradio 6 points 3 years ago

Oro+a-o= ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA!!!!

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vivadanang 4 points 3 years ago

the remainder n needs to be accounted for

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Jorgelino 3 points 3 years ago

The n stands for nothing, therefore it's invisible.

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masinko 1 point 3 years ago

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Riccosuave 7 points 3 years ago

Math ✔️'s out.

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Themadbeagle 17 points 3 years ago

Mormon - m = m (Moron - 1)

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xpinchx 4 points 3 years ago

Or... ormon... oron

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gmtom 41 points 3 years ago

Im intrigued. Is there any porn of this?

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ikapoz 16 points 3 years ago

The answer to that question is always yes.

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gmtom 3 points 3 years ago

Well I've looked and couldn't find anything. So I'm going to say it doesn't exist.

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BombOmOm 8 points 3 years ago

It is your duty to make it then. I am expecting completion from you by the start of next week.

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Xer0 2 points 3 years ago

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words_number 39 points 3 years ago

Hahaha sometimes religious people are hilarious

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chellewalker 38 points 3 years ago

I attended BYU-I in person for three years. There was a lot of dumb s### that happened there, but I can say with confidence this wasn't one of them. To not be a buzzkill though, I'll share an actual saying that people use around campus: "BYU I do." Because like 80-90% of students there expect to be married by the time they graduate.

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RobertoOberto 25 points 3 years ago

Thanks for the insight - jump humping and soaking sound like the kind of bullshit my parents would believe because it was featured in some local news story.

Most "teen trends", especially those related to sex, are just wildly blown out of proportion "stories" based on a couple of people trying something weird, someone else hearing about it, and now suddenly all the teens are doing it.

It reminds me of being in high school when my mom asked me if my girlfriend's jelly bracelets were a sex thing because she heard about girls owing sex acts to guys who can break one.

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evranch 7 points 3 years ago

I never heard of the jelly bracelet thing, but now I'm thinking about how that sort of thing can be way stronger than it looks.

I have some TPU filament that's stretchy enough to feel flimsy, but after I realized I somehow couldn't snap it, it became kind of a strength challenge. The strongest guy I know couldn't snap it, and he bent a 36" pipe wrench once. But then again, there weren't sex acts on the line.

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Meowoem 3 points 3 years ago

It's a repression thing, they can't face having sexual fantasies of their own so their mind tricks them into thinking they're super interested in every news story about wild sex things - suddenly they're up all night imagining wild and perverted things that are probably happening, but not because they like thinking about those things they reassure themselves, they're a good moral person trying to protect civic morality...

Read interviews with satanic panic people, endless vivid details right out of an extreme romance novel. Tiktok human trafficking panic is another example, those videos with obviously made up warnings about sex rings and kidnapping methods - it's all structured just like it's porn equivalents.

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Kase 3 points 3 years ago

Out of curiosity, did most of the people there actually follow the no sex rule? I know at some of the Christian colleges I've been to, there are lots of people who do have sex, they just have to be secretive enough about it. Of course, a good portion of kids at those colleges were just pressured to go there by their families, but aren't that religious themselves. 🤷

I don't know any Mormons, so idk if it's remotely similar at a school like BYU.

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Asudox 37 points 3 years ago

brainrot

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EvilEyedPanda 1 point 3 years ago

Indoctrination

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Tsaot 30 points 3 years ago

I'm a Mormon, and this just can't be real. Sexual contact is sexual contact. How would people told to leave enough room for a Bible between them while dancing think that this would be okay?

I'm convinced this rumor exists just because people want it to be true.

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Crashumbc 26 points 3 years ago

Tide pods

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WaxedWookie 3 points 3 years ago

I can't speak for this particular practice, or for Mormons, but things like the poophole loophole and the clapper are definitely nonsense tricks to try and get one past an omniscient creator - to an outsider (in my case, one that lived in Provo for a short stint), it's plausible.

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otter 29 points 3 years ago

Wait, is this same logic why my fridge has a "Sabbath" setting? 🤦🏼‍♂️

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PsychedSy 17 points 3 years ago

I was just thinking it's similar to how Jews try to trick god. At least I'm not the only one.

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Belgdore 2 points 3 years ago

There is a long rabbinic tradition of arguing with each other and god. Look up The Oven of Akhnai

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PsychedSy 1 point 3 years ago

And the real life results of that are awesome.

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autokludge 6 points 3 years ago

What does that even mean? Does the door open itself on the hour?

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saigot 4 points 3 years ago

It disables the ice/water dispenser, any ui elements and makes the light not turn on.

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ExLisper 5 points 3 years ago

What? Your fridge can jump on beds?

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el_bhm 12 points 3 years ago

And play Black Sabbath. Sweet.

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otter 2 points 3 years ago

Honestly, I had to ask what that seeing was for. I was further confused by the answer. 🤪

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NarrativeBear 26 points 3 years ago

There is a hilarious mockumentary called "Jury Duty (2023) where there is a scene like this.

Worth a watch, James Marsden is in the show as well.

Edit: Here's a link to the scene

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OaTRKXtfv8Y

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Supervisor194 4 points 3 years ago

Soaking seems like a particularly egregious loophole.

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BeefPiano 21 points 3 years ago

It’s not actually a real thing. Maybe a couple (throuple?) horny Mormons did it, but its not like standard practice.

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BaronDoggystyleVonWoof 21 points 3 years ago

Reminds me of some Muslim girls that only do anal so they stay a virgin.

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pigup 22 points 3 years ago

Omg That's disgusting! Where?

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RippleEffect 8 points 3 years ago

It's definitely not just Muslims.

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RIP_Cheems 14 points 3 years ago

This. This is why the horny bat exists. To keep people from doing this.

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AVincentInSpace 2 points 3 years ago

when I read this, my first thought was about the Sonic character.

I'm going to choose to continue believing that is what you were talking about.

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RIP_Cheems 1 point 3 years ago

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fuckstick 9 points 3 years ago

I heard about this on a podcast and thought the host was just messing around

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helpImTrappedOnline 8 points 3 years ago

I only know the context of this because of the recent Zach Star video.

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chetradley 7 points 3 years ago

Jesus be like, "goddammit, they got us on a technicality."

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moshtradamus666 7 points 3 years ago

I'm disgusted by this information. Enough internet for today.

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WoodlandAlliance 2 points 3 years ago

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ChiefSinner 6 points 3 years ago

Gross

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gullible 5 points 3 years ago

Is soaking still a thing or can it only be found in memes nowadays?

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lorez 2 points 3 years ago

Are you new here, soak?

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pizza -2 points 3 years ago

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PipedLinkBot 1 point 3 years ago

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