The Onion buys rightwing conspiracy theory site Infowars with plans to make it ‘very funny, very stupid’
2 years ago by rnercle to c/technology
Here’s Why I Decided To Buy ‘InfoWars’ By Bryce P. Tetraeder, Global Tetrahedron CEO ☞ https://theonion.com/...
And let me say, I really do see it as a family. Much like family members, our brands are abstract nodes of wealth, interchangeable assets for their patriarch to absorb and discard according to the opaque whims of the market. And just like family members, our brands regard one another with mutual suspicion and malice.
🤣
That also sounds like the kind of prank that Cards Against Humanity would pull if they had access to as much cash. I love this so much.
Honestly, considering how much of a clown Alex Jones was, they have their work cut out for them if they want to compete at comedic levels!
Either way, this may be the best news I've heard all year, thank you!
I wonder if this gives them the rights to all of Infowars' library of footage. Maybe they could "keep" Jones as a host by cutting up old clips kinda how South Park did with Isaac Hayes for Chef's last episode.
Up for grabs at the auction were Infowars production rights and materials, the Infowars store, domain names, production equipment and other assets — including a Terradyne armored truck and a Winnebago motor home — that can be purchased in their entirety or in parts, according to the firm, ThreeSixty Asset Advisors. Jones broadcasts from the Austin, Texas, area.
I’ll take the middle third of the Winnebago, just carve it out and drop it on Nick Fuentes’ lawn, thanks.
Considering what The Onion has been able to do with manipulating video for the sake of comedy, I can't wait to see what they do with any of their footage.
I hope they own Jones' likeness to the point where they can give DJs the rights to remix his shouts into something of value.
This just in! I’m turning my frickin’ self gay! I’m selling the supplements that will get you there too! The deep state wants to control us! NO MORE! You’re not gonna get my frickin’ dna to fight in your wars! You’re not gonna push us around!
eats handful of supplements
These Pro-homoerotics are literally the best on the market. I just now took them and I already want to tear my clothes off and throw the cameraman on this table!
Help support InfoWars and fight the deep state! I can’t do this without you guys and now I want to do you guys!
Like this? https://youtu.be/9JRLCBb7qK8?si=sDYZT5z_FlyiMan-
https://youtu.be/9kAEoCHANYY?si=LHq8QiiufT73XKqM
Or my personal favorite
They don't want you to know this, but the ducks at the park are free!
They should harness the crazy for good. Make conspiracy theory-sounding stories, but make them factual and get people to take positive action.
"They created chemicals you can inject into the bloodstream that keeps them from getting the Measels."
"The overlords in their golden towers want to tell you who you are and aren't allowed to love."
The vaccine one would probably be better as: “independent thinking researchers developed a means of using your own body’s immune response to prevent diseases with a mere injection. Some of them even refused to patent it. But then the media started lying to you about them, trying to get you to stop accepting these miracles? Why, just so some companies could make more money selling you proprietary snake oil to keep you comfortable while you’re sick.”
Thanks! The trick is to understand the emotions they aim for and the baseline rhetorical tricks.
Conspiracies stem from knowing you’re getting fucked, but that most people are good. It’s an attempt to find explanations when the world feels wrong. Someone did it. You just have to sell the truth in the tone that they’re used to hearing. Especially with vaccines where the truth does sound like a free lunch, until you realize that it’s governments and insurers paying for vaccines and it saves them and the economy money by you not getting sick or needing stronger medicines. These are the two groups that desperately want you to exercise, eat right, and quit smoking
And then there's ones that don't have much of a modern-day effect but are still stupid. My English teacher truly believes that the Titanic was sunk on purpose for insurance purposes.
She also believes that a Secret Service agent might have shot JFK
I'm totally for this and I bet it would work, too. We've seen the level of ignorance that went into how people chose to vote. If OnionWars puts up those kinds of stories, along with the occasional article declaring Jones actually still owns InfoWarts and any news stating otherwise is fake, they could ease these nutjobs back to sanity.
I would love this.
Reassemble the MythBusters
The funniest piece is going to be seeing old followers believe it’s still the InfoWars they know and love. It took forever for people to stop eating the onion in large numbers, and it still manages to happen on occasion.
There is opportunity here. Initially, anyway.
I think there's always going to be that group of people. Another example: folks that didn't notice that The Colbert Report was satire.
A part of me actually wished that the Onion would have purchased InfoWars, but in secret, like maybe under a subsidiary corp that has a right-wing sounding name.
They don't change Infowars' branding or anything but the articles become subtly liberal.
Maybe an overt purchase is better but I really want to troll the right.
A part of me actually wished that the Onion would have purchased InfoWars, but in secret, like maybe under a subsidiary corp that has a right-wing sounding name.
"Today we celebrate a new addition to the Global Tetrahedron LLC family of brands. "
don't change Infowars' branding
"Founded in 1999 ... InfoWars has distinguished itself as an invaluable tool for brainwashing and controlling the masses.
...
InfoWars has shown an unswerving commitment to manufacturing anger and radicalizing the most vulnerable members of society—values that resonate deeply with all of us at Global Tetrahedron.
No price would be too high for such a cornucopia of malleable assets and minds. ... a steep bargain: less than one trillion dollars."
I'm absolutely not disagreeing with you; I believe the onion will continue on doing "its thing" and keeping on-brand for both entities. Do exactly what you say and publish articles either believable or outlandish enough to break through to people
This was not on my bingo card.
Alanis Morrisette plays
Is that a Trump "Tim Apple" reference? I wouldn't have even noticed if you hadn't called it out.
What’s special about his desk?
They're talking about the infowars desk.
Okay, what's so special about it?
They’re very, very good at it
The funniest thing to do would be to turn it into either a legitimate leftist new site or a leftist themed nujob conspiracy mill (though I don't know how that would work).
"The rich intentionally causing global warming to make people have to use cars"
The global oil cartel and billionaires such as the Koch family are funding media and politicians to convince you and your neighbors to continue burning oil and using plastics recklessly with zero regard for the fact that they’ve known for decades that this is increasing global temperatures and killing people. It’s right under your noses folks, and they don’t want you to notice. They’re even running secret campaigns on social media to convince you to spend more time hating your neighbors and to convince you to be angry about policies that not only hinder their nefarious plans but grant you the freedom to choose how you get around town while reducing traffic! They’re even boldly lying to your face about this! Look with your eyes! November used to be snowy! Nowadays the fine people of the Midwest are wearing shorts in October and these corporations and cartels are telling you that the climate isn’t changing and that it’s not a problem! [incoherent shirtless screaming]
leftist themed nujob conspiracy mill
The Republican party is ripe for conspiracy theory targets.
Epstein had close ties with Trump and his attorney general Bill Barr (whose father hired Epstein to teach at a prestigious private high school without a college degree, where he was known for ogling the high school girls and showing up to parties where underage drinking was happening). The waitresses and hostesses at Trump's Mar a Lago were also regularly recruited to work at Epstein's island. Alex Acosta, the federal prosecutor who agreed to a secret plea deal where Epstein served a slap on the wrist in a local jail instead of real prison was later elevated to Trump's cabinet, as Labor Secretary.
Now, Trump has named another child sex trafficker as his nominee for Attorney General.
There are suspicious ties between the Saudi royal family and key members in Trump's orbit, including his son in law Jared Kushner. Elon Musk has been doing sketchy shit with the Saudis and the Russians, as well. Basically everyone in Trump's circle, including his nominee to be the director of national intelligence, has shady ties with foreign adversaries.
There's lots of other little things about financial profiteering by the Trump folks: an SBA COVID bailout that went to huge businesses, a move to privatize or sabotage the public postal service and the weather service to help the private competition, arbitrary or politically motivated regulations to help certain businesses while hurting others, etc.
I mean, it really wouldn't be hard.
The hard part would be doing it in a way that pulls in the kind of people who listened to Alex Jones.
very funny, very stupid
Well, their work is half done already!
Fucking awesome. Onion has been hitting it hard lately, and this is just the cherry on top. I am hopeful this makes some chuds question their minds.
truly the wildest of timelines
This is what I call a master class on starting a soft revolution: you take over a symbol of the opposite ideology, in the most outrageous and ridiculous way, make it known to all, and completely subvert it and deconstruct it, piece by piece, until it stops making any sense to its former self.
And yet a meme from a decade ago is about to become a government office
For me, the cherry on top is how the "InfoWars" name is still completely apt, for completely different reasons.
Reformatting InfoWars as a serious, unironic branch of the Onion that deals with misinformation would just be great.
That would be hilarious. I’d love for it to wind up just doing serious journalism
Every so often, I see a car with an InfoWars bumper sticker.
I wonder what those people will do?
No idea. Maybe they'll keep it like the Gadsden Flag holdout libertarians? "We were here first" and all that.
Honestly, I was thinking about the people out there with tattoos. There has to be at least one.
I gotta find out what the Knowledge Fight folks have to say about this.
I am waiting for the next episode to drop. Biggest episode ever.
Is Dan the loud one? I've never learned their names, but I'm waiting for him to scream something about them horning in on their territory.
Dan is the guy that knows stuff. Jordan is the loud sidekick comic relief.
Where is Alex Jones on now?
If Alex Jones becomes press secretary, I'll be convinced that this is all a simulation.
Today, The Onion ate.
Saw the news on their YouTube. Looked it up thinking it was satire and sure as shit it’s not. Probably the fastest I’ve ever purchased merch ever. Gonna love wearing my onion shirt, always loved them but this was the point I needed to send them some money because this is hilarious.
They need new merch with the infowars logo almost the same but with an onion dotting the i
The Onion's first headline needs to be:
"Oh Shit! It's ALL true!"
Make it $0.01. No need to waste too much money.
Nah, send his victims fund a royalty check and him a confirmation of delivery.
What problem did that cause? It only made everyone else laugh at them harder.
I don't think that ever happened with Colbert, did it?
I hope they keep Alex Jones's communism financing operation going.
Listen, I keep saying that reality is better satire than satire, BUT COME ON!
Great idea. Who didn't like the Colbert Report? Could turn out like a right-wing populist Repor!
But he's got a serious side. You know what those globalists are doing...
Its also exactly the kind of thing you'd expect to read about in the onion.
This is beyond mear irony.
Best news I've seen in weeks
Can't wait for Dan and Jordan to cover this
I keep refreshing my pod feed waiting for the next episode.
Wait, what? Which parts of this are satire now? I read the Onion piece that Global Tetrahedron was purchasing InfoWars, but this is a Guardian story saying The Onion is purchasing it? I'm a bit confused.
It's on APNews too - it's real
The Onion buys rightwing conspiracy theory site Infowars with plans to make it ‘very funny, very stupid’
They're halfway there already.
Makes sense. They keep him contained somewhere to ramble, while appropriately inducted and vetted comedians interpret, neutralize and transmit his bullshit and make it funny.
An oracle of comedy situation.
I mean, it’s already half way there, all they got to do is make it funny
That pushed me over the edge to subscribe to the print edition
Next week's headlines "Alex Jones appointed as Secretary of State" or some other wackass shit.
Press secretary would be perfect.
Ok, but surgeon general would be hilarious
The Surgeon General hawking supplements in official statements would be peak America.
Full on C. Everett Coop style sending pamphlets to every home in America except instead of it being a genuinely courageous and heroic act of medical ethics, providing information on how to prevent the spread of HIV even when those acts went against his religion, this will be explaining how to prevent the woke mind virus using his leaded brain pills, now with extra cadmium
I thought that was a joke. But regular news sites are running the story. So maybe it's real?
I saw a TikTok of Alex crying about it. It is real.
That's really amazing. Their joke article was hilarious even as a joke. But the fact that they really bought it is beautiful.
How could you tell the difference?
Lol I am so happy about this.
To quote the Onion themselves:
No price would be too high for such a cornucopia of malleable assets and minds. And yet, in a stroke of good fortune, a formidable special interest group has outwitted the hapless owner of InfoWars (a forgettable man with an already-forgotten name) and forced him to sell it at a steep bargain: less than one trillion dollars.
Who did they give money to? Maybe it would've been better if they just created a offbrand infowars.
The assets were auctioned off to pay his debt to the families of the Sandy Hook shooting.
So effectively they gave money to the families of children killed in a school shooting that he slandered in cruel and vile ways.
Given that the families pretty reasonably dislike him, the added bonus of his creation being used to openly mock him and promote a message they endorse is quality icing on the cake.
One thing the headlines aren't mentioning is that the families actually even helped fund a portion of the Onion's bid.
In order to make the bid work, a lawyer representing the families told CNN that the families “agreed to forgo a portion of their recovery to increase the overall value of the Onion’s bid, enabling its success”.
Ha!
The sale follows a judge’s order earlier this year for Jones to liquidate his personal assets, to help him to pay off the $1.4bn he was ordered to pay the families of victims of the 2012 Sandy Hook school shooting...
I believe this money goes to the victims' families
It was being auctioned for the victims but there was also the real risk that a supporter would win who would let him he continue on business as usual. So definitely money well spent.
I look forward to seeing Jean Teasdale as the editor and Jim Anchower cruising again.
This is so weird, I just read a comment on Lemmy where someone said they should do exactly this.
It was a good idea. Makes sense multiple people thought of it, including the onion
meaning even more so
Where did they move? Where is Alex Jones on now?
I think he's getting sued or something
So....the onion is now donating money to Alex Jones.
Thats kinda fucked.
It's a bankruptcy auction, and he's bankrupt because he was sued by Sandy Hook families. Some of those families gave money to the Onion to buy InfoWars so Alex Jones is losing his platform and his money.
It sucks for him more than it helps him really.
It doesn’t help him at all. As a bankruptcy auction they’re taking what they can get and forgiving the rest. If the auctions had gone over settlement price it would’ve helped him, but that wasn’t going to happen, you don’t really get bankruptcy when you have salable assets whose expected value exceeds your debts.
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My favorite part of this:
save