Sounds like something you should talk over with a therapist.

People don’t see your emotions. They see your behavior. They hear what you say, observe your actions and reactions, and from that they decide if they want to suggest therapy or not.

I don’t know if you need therapy or not because I’ve never met you in person. But if a large number of people you encounter suggest you seek out a therapist, it’s not because of anything you felt. It’s because of something you said or did. And you may be wise to reflect on those moments when they happen.

Negative emotions are human but some people need help to learn to handle them in healthy ways.

Therapy isn’t “just for negative emotions” in the same way the doctor isn’t just for dealing with the occasional common cold.

If you’re being told to see the doctor all the time, and you’re being dismissive of it without a reason past knee jerking, maybe hear them out? You’re positing this openly online so I think you’re already considering this.

It depends on how you manage those negative emotions. Not that you are having negative emotions.

Because I went from having 4 to 15 panic attacks a month to being able to count the time between panic attacks in years.

Because my panic attacks went from being because it’s Tuesday to being because I was in situations with actual dire consequences.

Because once I learned that it served no one involved for me to bend myself into an an ill fitting shape to avoid all conflict I was able to have lasting romantic and platonic relationships (married 8 years now and have told my wife I’m glad I met her after doing all the therapy).

Because of the dozens of things I learned explicitly and implicitly through the process. Because I am still using tools offered to me. Because I am actually happier and more fulfilled than I had ever expected I could be.

Therapy isn’t for negative emotions. It’s for poor reactions to negative emotions.

If you’re told to go to therapy for “every negative emotion you have” it sounds like there’s more going on here than you just having them.

Me personally? Because I experienced childhood trauma that I had no idea was childhood trauma. All I knew was I kept losing friends in my life and had a lot of conflict and I was clearly doing something wrong.

So I decided to try therapy. Turns out, normal people communicate their problems with people around them and try to find a solution. They hold boundaries to keep themselves happy and safe.

They don't manipulate people into doing things. They're not overly helpful and try to fix every problem around them for every person at the expense of themselves. They don't take little meaningless things as a personal attack and they don't expect others to read their mind.

People didn't want to be around me because I was overly helpful and tried to fix them to the point I was manipulating people and situations and causing harm to myself and others. Turns out when you grow up with a narcissist, even if your intent is good, you still have to unlearn all the fucked up lessons of your life.

That's why I personally went to therapy. My life is significantly better after several years of therapy. I might even go back one day. I'm able to have deep and meaningful relationships now. Therapy didn't make me not feel negative emotions. Actually, it forced me to. Because I had been running away from then my entire life.

Therapy is a wonderful tool if you're willing to actually reflect on yourself.

Therapy is great because we're a social species who live in a world in which we are growing increasingly disconnected from both each other and the world we evolved to live in. It causes our minds a lot of stress and talking to other people about it is a great way to alleviate it.

Though I do agree with you that negative emotions are human and that we shouldn't necessarily fear them. Sometimes you'll be in situations where you'll be uncomfortable and upset, and you're going to experience things you don't like or you'll have to do things you don't want to do. That's part of the human experience and dealing with it is an important life skill to learn, especially for children.

The clear belief behind your post is that people suggest going to therapy because they think it will relieve you of your negative emotions. This is not what therapy does though, so maybe it would be helpful to start there. Is that what you think therapy does?

every negative emotion you have, someone tells you to go to therapy? I see two options: you are either having a lot of extreme overreactions that make bystanders uncomfortable, or, you are spending too much time with someone who is probably just trolling you.

Or maybe you just exaggerated a bit here

Negative emotions are human, but often we arent well equipped to deal with them. If you can deal with them in a mature and responsible manner, congratulations! If not, therapy can get you to that point.

We dont need to journey through everything alone, often a helping hand is necessary to pull you forward.

Therapy is a band aid for the alienation we feel under capitalism. We are an increasingly isolated society. It's every man for himself out there. We're not meant to live like this. We need other people. We need people to share our experiences and feelings with. Therapy fills that role very well. I have been in therapy for 6-7 years and it's helped me a ton. I would recommend it, but I'm also of the opinion that if we ever were able to make to communism, very few people would need therapy.

Are you American? As a European, it seems that Americans are obsessed with therapy, whereas I don't think it's at all common over here.

Negative emotions are human!

Sounds like something a therapist would say. Actually, the usual line is something like "if there's a bear, negative emotions are very helpful". (It's always a bear; never a mugger or a giant rolling boulder. I don't make the rules)

It's hard to say over the internet, but either you're in a crowd where they overuse that line, or your emotions have grown to become unhelpful in your life.

Therapy is helpful, but you don't need to go for everything, just like you wouldn't go to the doctor every time you have a cold or allergies.

Society has been conditioned to treat symptoms instead of root causes. You complain about real problems, and everyone acts like you are the problem.

Then, unless you luck out and find a genuinely good therapist, the therapist just helps you cope. The therapist does not fix anything, does not heal. Instead, they give you drugs and techniques for pretending problems aren't problems, all while the problems get worse and worse.

That has been my experience so far. I'm trying a fifth therapist in a week, but I'm not optimistic. I'm in the United States, everything is a scam.

Your flawed premise is showing.

Negative emotions are good for the evolutionary niche they developed for.

But when your fight-or-flight response kicks in during an exam, it doesn't help you do the exam, but makes it even harder. To be able to function in the society we've built for ourselves, it's necessary to be able to control our natural negative emotions without bottling them up entirely.

Probably do to the outsized amount of harm those emotions can create when we don't know how to deal with them effectively.

Therapists are a major source of learning why, when, how these emotions come up and give you techniques to deal with them.

You need therapy bills to economically quantify your emotional damages so that you can sue somebody for them.

Now THAT’S an unpopular opinion! Here take my up—wait what sub is this??

Why have we, as a society, grown to fear them? - Yes, people have been conditioned to ask are you OK but not actually do anything. We have also as a society become more fluffy and less accepting of anger and frustration which are very valid feelings. But you are expected to just to just go be quiet elsewhere. If you make a scene you are called dramatic/karen etc.

I think its great we can talk about feelings, and let them out, we as a society have absolutely gotten better at being able to express...(if politely) but in terms of help and support when fixing that's a bit lacking.

The therapy thing seems a very USA/entitled thing, just pay to have it fixed. Most don't have that luxury. But the bottom line is you may need to work on how you handle things. I know its easily said but anger and resentment can be used to fuel you to do good. Just remember there are people who care, even if its just another internet buddy.

Because it’s an out-of-reach luxury for a lot of people, and those few who have tasted it with success will recommend it.

As to whether you should consider it yourself: are your negative emotions heavily impacting your day-to-day functioning? Are the causes external, material, and outside of your control (I.e., stuck in poverty, or a bad country)?

If the answers are yes then no, then maybe consider it if you can afford it. But yes, human emotions are normal and varied as long as you’re able to reasonably and healthily cope with them.

There's a difference between feeling and being in touch with your emotions, and being controlled and driven by them, if you're the latter people may be suggesting therapy for that reason, and it can help.

And how are all these people affording it?

It kind of depends if your negative emotions are grounded in reality or if they're grounded in past trauma/cognitive distortions.

The very strong tendency of therapy is to assume the latter despite evidence of the former.

Society has completely lost its ability to deal with any personal/spiritual/psychological/social issues outside the context of professional talk therapy.

Let me introduce you to toxic positivity:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toxic_positivity

Because humanity didn't evolve to handle the daily stresses we face today, and the average human isn't very bright.

I don't see this. I should note I'm an American, since some here have claimed this is an American thing.

So this is either particular to the people you are surrounded by, or something particular about you that makes people want to suggest therapy.

Cheaper than actually fixing our world.

1. Therapy is a healthy way to deal with all emotions, not just negative ones; there are plenty of positive emotions that can be unhealthy.
2. It's not always, or even typically, fear that is moving people in the direction of therapy.
3. Therapy is human as well.

You're stigmatizing something that's perfectly fine for people to seek out and suggest.

For most people, therapy is the only way to speak with a person who isn't like most of the commenters here.

I've noticed the same thing over the years. There's some people that won't accept anyone having any sort of negative emotion.

You're mad, but all you're doing is grumbling, sulking, and keeping to yourself? Some people act like that's just as bad as getting into fights.

Negative emotions are human. We're not unfeeling robots, and life will have highs and lows.

Sometimes people are stressed because of a particular project at work, or because they're having car/house troubles. A therapist isn't really the answer to that. They're better suited for longer-term problems, such as issues with getting along with parents, mental trauma, or having a diagnosed condition.

But unfortunately, when it comes to mental health of others most people don't really care. They say whatever is expedient for that makes them vaguely feel like they're helping. Because so often, that help is more about them, not you.

I hear you. Fuck therapy. Should I go to therapy?

I used to just drink my problems away. In short, I don’t recommend. Now I deal with everything as it comes. At this point I don’t need theory but everyone is different and some need additional coaching through this thing called life. Nothing wrong with that.

shills for big therapy?

Maybe it is the frequency and or severity of those negative emotions that has got people trying to institutionalize you?

The core of your question is really "Why do people suggest therapy when I want to talk about my negative emotions?"

Because working through a damaged psyche isn't something your friends and family are qualified to do, and they're likely going to make it worse or damage their relationship with you if they try.

But I get why you're asking - you reach out during a dark time looking for support and community amongst those you know, and they use "you should talk to a therapist" to dismiss the conversation, which really doesn't solve anything and ends up making you feel worse by suggesting that only a professional you pay would want to listen to you.

I feel like in the last decade narcissism has become mainstream, almost everyone that works out and has some muscles will post themselves on social media, then there's the self care movement and the breakfaceboneswithhammermaxxing trend.

We don't need therapy for every negative emotion. Some we might if they are persistent. But I agree, it is possible to rise to the occasion more often than not when it comes to dealing with our emotions and our current situation.

My question then is, who helps those people?

If it is not the job others to attempt to "mend" broken hearts, whose is it?

No I agree with you, no emotions are negative. They all have a purpose, and are a personal message to you (not anyone else). Boredom is a wind up machine for future prospects, that's where you develop your sense of who you are and want to be. And if you want to be a crazy inventor, grab a white lab coat, mess up your hair and get yourself some Boredom. Anger can fire action to improve your situation. Or, you know if you happen to have a lot of money and no relatives, grab yourself a black rubber suit with wings.

I could go on. But all emotions are a message for you from your sense systems. They're always reading the room, they're non verbal, emotional alarm systems are the way they tell you a room is on fire or full of flowers.

It's when you get stuck in an emotion that can be problematic. Rumination, or inability to emotionally process those emotions can cause life to feel super uncomfortable. And you can absolutely ask for help from someone who went to school to learn the mysterious ways of the emotional brain.

Emotions are kinda like a more sensitive and intricate alert system for danger approaching, as opposed to the more sledge hammer version provided by your fight or flight systems (all the same place).

If you don't notice your emotions, bottle or ignore your emotions, they feel unheard, and what does any alert system do if it's mildly sentient and feels like their danger alarts didn't get heard? They just get louder until they feel like you got the message.

So whilst absolutely all emotions are a full and complete part of the human experience and can be vital and essential to life's progression and an assistance, they can also start going defcon 5 over the toast being burnt, and therefore need some recalibration.

And then there's emotional immaturity....

Some might find this an interesting opinion piece: https://www.nytimes.com/...

Therapy is like a good gym or (insert good phisical activity) for your brain… some pople exercise to correct a physical ailment, overweight, physio, etc… but anyone, no matter how healthy, would benefit from some regular gym time (read physical activity)

You seem to assume therpy is only good to fix a problem but that is a wrong assumption

Therapy will help you develop healthy coping mechanisms to replace your childhood ones, which were likely unhealthy.

They are hoping therapy will turn you into who they prefer. Psych talk is now mainstream, mostly in women's spaces, and they use the language of therapy about as well as the average sports fan uses the language of their sport to tell everyone what they should be doing, instead. People and culture is just the game women prefer.

The Sopranos, when mother soprano finds out Tony has been seeing a therapist
"Therapy?, don't you know that's a racket for the jews?"

My sister went to therapy all her life. I never did.

I may be wrong, but here's my theory: she and I went through the same hardship: I allowed time to let the memory fade away in my brain (it wasn't PTSD-inducing hardship, mind you) but her therapist never let her forget. And now decades later, she's all kinds of messed up and I'm not.

Why Therapy Sucks For Men By Dr Alok Kanojia

The answer to your question is because therapy , unlike most medical science , is biased towards women. (not my opinion, watch the video)

The second reason is because therapy requires almost zero resources making it the most accessible option.

The same reason folks pay someone else to do their yard work, clean their car, or doordash every meal.

They don't want to do the emotional work, so they pay someone else to do it for them.

And the folks who pay other people to do this stuff, can't fathom doing any of it themselves. And they look down on people who do it themselves as subhuman.