That post seems to be missing.

AI_toothbrush 134 points 3 years ago

Bro when you pee while shitting and youre not completely soft and you pee out the space between the two parts of the toilet 💀💀💀

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Aggravationstation 23 points 3 years ago

I live in the UK so it's cold as balls outside a good chunk of the year. Often when I get home from work my dick is so shrivelled it's practically inverted. No way to aim it. Stand and pee, it goes everywhere. Sit and pee, it goes through the gap between the seat and the porcelain onto the floor or my pants.

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Mr_Dr_Oink 7 points 3 years ago

You have to give it a little rub before your pee. Mini wank before your pee goes in the tank, rub the willy before getting pissy. Spank the monkey before urine dunky. You know the old stroke and spoke, the fiddle and piddle.

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CaptnNMorgan 5 points 3 years ago

I think this is more honest than "not completely soft" I'm having a hard time imagining a pre chub pointing out but also not hitting the seat

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Rodeo 1 point 3 years ago

It must be just little.

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AI_toothbrush 1 point 3 years ago

I once had a double stream and one of them flowed right on to my legs

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stebo02 21 points 3 years ago

path: 0 6463564 6466883, hotness: undefined, score: 21, children: 0

Ferris 16 points 3 years ago

you mean you send it out from under the toilet lid?

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pineapplelover 3 points 3 years ago

I hate when this happens

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Franzia 16 points 3 years ago

Holy fuck this is the worst thing ever why havent they fixed this flaw in toilet seat design yet

path: 0 6463564 6471712, hotness: undefined, score: 16, children: 3

Rentlar 12 points 3 years ago

Actually, you need the cock software update.

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Scubus 14 points 3 years ago

Really? I'd expect a firmware update

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n3m37h 1 point 3 years ago

Big ceramics dont want to make new moulds

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CaptnNMorgan 3 points 3 years ago

This only happened when I was a little kid and my penis was so small it rested on top of my balls. I had to push my dick down until puberty

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DanglingFury 1 point 3 years ago

Also if it's cold as shit

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GoosLife 111 points 3 years ago

Me, looking at my toilet like ???

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BlackPenguins 1 point 3 years ago

OMG, your dick goes through the plumbing?!

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starman2112 101 points 3 years ago

Yeah haha I get it haha it sucks having a penis so long that it reaches the water hahaha

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kameecoding 57 points 3 years ago

So relatable am I right? Hahaha

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Annoyed_Crabby 30 points 3 years ago

Definitely something i experience, hahaha

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ElBarto 5 points 3 years ago

Wait, you guys dicks touch the water?

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nicetomeetyouIMVEGAN 3 points 3 years ago

I fully engage the toilet in handstand to overcome this problem

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thefartographer 2 points 3 years ago

I hold my dick and touch the water. I like the way the ripples interact with my floaters when I pat the surface.

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smuuthbrane 79 points 3 years ago

So how do girls drink then??

path: 0 6459805, hotness: undefined, score: 79, children: 5

ObviouslyNotBanana 43 points 3 years ago

Straw

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smuuthbrane 18 points 3 years ago

If I offer them hay is that good enough?

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flambonkscious 7 points 3 years ago

You drive a hard bargain

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EldritchFeminity 3 points 3 years ago

If you have a piece of cheese, you may fascinate them.

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ObviouslyNotBanana 1 point 3 years ago

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ryan213 74 points 3 years ago

It includes your balls when you're over 40.

path: 0 6460456, hotness: undefined, score: 74, children: 4

kusivittula 43 points 3 years ago

my balls reach further than my dong :(

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ryan213 24 points 3 years ago

That's rough, buddy.

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TrickDacy 16 points 3 years ago

I didn't get that memo

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Sharpiemarker 6 points 3 years ago

TIL!

T-minus 4 years until my second puberty.

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OutlierBlue 73 points 3 years ago

I've never had my dick touch the water, but I have had it hit the cold porcelain. That was a surprise.

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hemko 66 points 3 years ago

When that happens in a public toilet

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MycelialMass 29 points 3 years ago

Aka the witches kiss

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tigeruppercut 13 points 3 years ago

I've always heard that phrase referring to splashback on the butthole

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FordBeeblebrox 21 points 3 years ago

That’s Neptune’s kiss

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tigeruppercut 12 points 3 years ago

Oh yeah, you're right-- we used to call it Poseidon's kiss though haha

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Fades 25 points 3 years ago

I literally have developed a habit where if I sit down my hand automatically goes down to keep my dick from touching the bowl. Fuck. that.

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MenacingPerson 3 points 3 years ago

touching dick sounds kinda gay... /s

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EldritchFeminity 4 points 3 years ago

My toilet apparently has a shallow bowl because this happens pretty much every time I sit down, and I've never experienced it before moving in. Bad enough experience to replace the toilet imo.

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Socsa 1 point 3 years ago

This is precisely why I won't ever join the "sit to pee" revolution.

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IHateFacelessPorn 2 points 3 years ago

Bro that's the healthy way. If you start doing it young, at the ages of 50s it really makes a difference.

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Soulcreator 5 points 3 years ago

Can you elaborate on why this is healthier? I've never heard this before.

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Zehzin 48 points 3 years ago

Why is this toilet half full?

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starman2112 62 points 3 years ago

The European mind cannot comprehend American toilets

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Perfide 16 points 3 years ago

Nah, I'm American and the water level should not be that high. That toilets clogged.

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plantedworld 10 points 3 years ago

Or it's an older toilet

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thefartographer 4 points 3 years ago

Yeah, from the diagram, I'd say it looks fucked.

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stebo02 8 points 3 years ago

path: 0 6462668 6463661 6466934, hotness: undefined, score: 8, children: 1

Duranie 7 points 3 years ago

Overall? It's poorly drawn. Occasionally you might come across a random "deep" toilet design, but most are much lower. As long as it's deep enough so that my poop is submerged so I don't have to smell it waiting to flush, I'm satisfied.

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Blyfh 31 points 3 years ago

C'mon, be more optimistic. It's actually only half empty!

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Mediocre_Bard 47 points 3 years ago

path: 0 6471869, hotness: undefined, score: 47, children: 17

soggy_kitty 42 points 3 years ago

Different toilets too, I'm from the UK and the water inside the toilet is a good 10 inches from seat.

Inb4 comment, ha ha your flaccid dick isn't 10 inches?

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Mr_Dr_Oink 41 points 3 years ago

Im in the uk and my entire dick and balls go fully into the water, around the ubend, down the pipes to the large waste pipe, fill the entire waste pipe and then go all the way to the sewage treatment facility where they have a 9 to 5 cleaning shitty water. They earn more money than i do, and frankly, they are sustaining our life.

Sometimes, we fight, but then i remember my dick has it harder than i do.

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Silic0n_Alph4 10 points 3 years ago

Oh man, you’re Dick Rodney’s other half?? Man, he is my favourite coworker here at the sewage works. He’s a very hard worker… very hard indeed. Always sounded like there might be family problems at home, though, as he says he leaves the arsehole behind when he comes to work.

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captnanonymous 1 point 3 years ago

Better call Central Services.

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Peter1986C 1 point 3 years ago

😆

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Sigh_Bafanada 8 points 3 years ago

Yeah it's so weird to me that the US toilet water is so high. I imagine there's a valid reason for it, but it's a very foreign concept to me

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No_Ones_Slick_Like_Gaston 5 points 3 years ago

10 inches diameter. On a cold winter January morning.

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Enzy 1 point 3 years ago

IT WAS COLD

I WAS IN THE POOL

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Retrograde -1 points 3 years ago

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Colour_me_triggered 10 points 3 years ago

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Socsa 1 point 3 years ago

Never heard of a courtesy flush?

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gentooer 5 points 3 years ago

You close the toilet before flushing right?

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stackPeek 4 points 3 years ago

High-fives you yup same.

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Scubus 4 points 3 years ago

Meanwhile, I'm seeing a lot of comments that this isn't normal and it's giving me some confidence

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TheBlue22 2 points 3 years ago

Can't do this either, doesn't take away from my performance in bed, don't worry about it, brother

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olutukko 3 points 3 years ago

Are you sure about that? I bet you havent tried it with a bigger dick /s

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TheBlue22 1 point 3 years ago

🥹

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SeeMinusMinus 38 points 3 years ago

Small pp power

path: 0 6461305, hotness: undefined, score: 38, children: 0

cosmicrose 36 points 3 years ago

Do not worry brother, your trans sisters know your pain.

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Nikki 3 points 3 years ago

god gave the prettiest girls the biggest dicks

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cosmicrose 4 points 3 years ago

So true queen

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Agent641 30 points 3 years ago

Guys, you gotta get your knob between the toilet bowl rim and the toilet seat so its squashed and held in place when you sit down.

path: 0 6475470, hotness: undefined, score: 30, children: 0

FictionalCrow 29 points 3 years ago

I'm 6'8" and feel attacked. One day I will be rich enough to afford the custom jumbo bathroom

path: 0 6460550, hotness: undefined, score: 29, children: 1

TomAwsm 23 points 3 years ago

A monster bathroom for your magnum dong?

path: 0 6460550 6463561, hotness: undefined, score: 23, children: 0

Sticker 26 points 3 years ago

The penis can also touch the cold and wet surface of the toilet bowl without being submerged in water. You do not need to have a large size of your banana to do this.

path: 0 6474719, hotness: undefined, score: 26, children: 0

Blackmist 24 points 3 years ago

Grower gang wins again.

path: 0 6475848, hotness: undefined, score: 24, children: 0

Kolanaki 22 points 3 years ago

My dick never hit water, but my balls sometimes do. 🥺

path: 0 6466398, hotness: undefined, score: 22, children: 3

IndiBrony 12 points 3 years ago

In my mid 30s: can relate 🥲

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GBU_28 7 points 3 years ago

Y'all ain't using your scrote tensioners enough

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chuckd 1 point 3 years ago

Gotta do your scrotal exercises often. Keeps things nice and tight

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Whisper06 22 points 3 years ago

Only ever happened twice and both times it was because I leaned too far forward and the water was high. Horrible horrible feeling.

path: 0 6471206, hotness: undefined, score: 22, children: 3

RagingRobot 10 points 3 years ago

It happens to me all the time but only because I have a freakishly long dick

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Jax 33 points 3 years ago

Ah, yes of course, me too me too

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MenacingPerson 3 points 3 years ago

That's so relatable

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wallmenis 19 points 3 years ago

Laughs in european toilets. Still pretty annoying though...

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violetraven 19 points 3 years ago

Trust me. Some of us girls understand this, too.

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Steak 8 points 3 years ago

What the Fuck do you mean? Your pussy lips touch the water?

path: 0 6472385 6476209, hotness: undefined, score: 8, children: 1

feedum_sneedson 7 points 3 years ago

Girls, don't you hate it when you sit down to pee, and your penis touches the toilet bowl?

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Eonandahalf 6 points 3 years ago

But…. How? 😅

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Peter1986C 7 points 3 years ago

Maybe they meant trans women but I could be mistaken.

(please don't shoot me, I mean this well).

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MenacingPerson 1 point 3 years ago

you're right on the spot

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Madison420 4 points 3 years ago

I've no personal experience but I imagine if there's a lot of meat in their sandwich a similar issue could occur.

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vsh -20 points 3 years ago

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mechoman444 18 points 3 years ago

Unfortunately I am not endowed well enough for that to occur.... Or is it fortunately?

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doingthestuff 18 points 3 years ago

Just wait until you're older and your balls sag that low. And they touch down right after you nuked the bowl with earth shattering diarrhea.

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smokin_shinobi 16 points 3 years ago

Gonna need like a sack hammock stretched across the seat if this is real.

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sleepmode 3 points 3 years ago

Can confirm. Don’t get old.

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Evotech 18 points 3 years ago

Fucking hate American toilets like this. So much splashback

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joyjoy 16 points 3 years ago

Staring at this made me realize toilets use a greedy cup syphon to flush.

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thefartographer 8 points 3 years ago

Gotta slurp up them weewees and doodoos

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mumblerfish 16 points 3 years ago

Ah, finnaly a toilet with no pee back-slash from peeing with too much force. Does it come with hot water. ”UTI"? What do you mean?

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Toneswirly 15 points 3 years ago

Hate that shit

path: 0 6461976, hotness: undefined, score: 15, children: 0

MacNCheezus 14 points 3 years ago

The struggle is real 😫

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banneryear1868 12 points 3 years ago

A solid 6" soft 3.5" and contact with the rim is a problem, it really shouldn't be at this size I feel. Also I often sit to pee at home cause I got my comfy seat and classy toilet space (Crohn's things). It's those super flat restaurant toilets where my balls might come close to the water but I don't think they've ever touched thank god.

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jasondj 3 points 3 years ago

Poseidon’s Kiss.

Happens more as you get older and the boys start to dangle lower each year.

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MaxVoltage 1 point 3 years ago

you scare me old man 😅

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jasondj 2 points 3 years ago

In 38 I just got big balls.

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MenacingPerson 10 points 3 years ago

Not gonna mark that NSFW?

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ObviouslyNotBanana 4 points 3 years ago

I feel like it's very safe. Mostly happens at work anyway.

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Sticker 9 points 3 years ago

How do you deal with a problem like the one in the picture?

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Mr_Blott 60 points 3 years ago

Live in a country with normal fuckin toilets. What the fuck is that lake?

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ObviouslyNotBanana 32 points 3 years ago

Average European mind can't comprehend these toilets.

This includes me. Wtf.

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Gestrid 2 points 3 years ago

Neither can the average American mind, to be honest. I've never seen a toilet full enough to do that.

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BillyTheSkidMark 12 points 3 years ago

Year, this toilet weird af...

Problem has still not me a couple of times, but usually cause the toilet is quite small or it's the walls of the bowl, but if there's that much water in there I feel like it's overkill

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Sticker 8 points 3 years ago

Dude, the cheapest toilets are purchased for city institutions that provide free services.
These toilets look like they were made for gnomes.

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FiskFisk33 5 points 3 years ago

why the big lake thing though?!

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ObviouslyNotBanana 6 points 3 years ago

For the pee pee bath of course

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Twinklebreeze 17 points 3 years ago

I deal with it by not rocking a hog like that. When it's hard it points up, and it's soft it retracts safely away from toilet water.

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andrew 14 points 3 years ago

Squat on top of the toilet. Both feet on the seat. As a bonus you also assert dominance by default.

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nifty 8 points 3 years ago

True if the toilet doesn’t know who’s boss, it splashes at you.

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Blackout 9 points 3 years ago

99.9% of guys with this issue are lying. The remaining 0.1% usually trim their dick back to prevent it.

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doggle 8 points 3 years ago

Most people just don't have a 12" dong.

The others take Poseidon's kiss as a compliment.

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Imgonnatrythis 5 points 3 years ago

If your doing is really long enough to have this problem I'd say in the grand scheme of things it's just not a problem.

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db2 3 points 3 years ago

The serious answer is that you have to tuck it in the inside of your leg, the inside of the hip joint, being aware of which direction it's pointing and being careful not to double it up and block flow.

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dream_weasel 1 point 3 years ago

Kitchen shears

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improbablypoopingrn 6 points 3 years ago

path: 0 6469331, hotness: undefined, score: 6, children: 1

PipedLinkBot 4 points 3 years ago

Here is an alternative Piped link(s):

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terminhell 4 points 3 years ago

Gotta let it rest on the seat until it's time to pee...as a big guy, consumer toilets are just disappointing in almost everything. Commercial commodes are superior.

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fastandcurious 4 points 3 years ago

But i thought you had…🍌🚫no banana

path: 0 6460242, hotness: undefined, score: 4, children: 0

aulin 2 points 3 years ago

What's up with the water level in that toilet? That's insanely high!

path: 0 6479238, hotness: undefined, score: 2, children: 0

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