I get all my wipes out at the beginning of the month, that way I don't have to waste time later on

Thanks for the shitty tip!

Basic maintenance. Trim your asshole and put some lotion up there.

Spread your cheeks when you shit and if its bad really get up in there the first couple swipes. Also eat more fiber

Speak for yourself. Some of us can poop in parallel.

I love how Aubrey breaks before Chris says anything past his first line

Parks and Rec is such a great show.

Joe Bidet?

My house has four bathrooms and three bidets. My teenage son just won't get on board with having a clean ass.

Funny how there's always a completely moot discussion about wiping techniques or bidets when the real issue with people having to wipe 20 times is almost always diet.

If you think that's bullshit go ahead and buy a small (for testing) pack of psyllium husk, consume two table spoons a day (in water or on top of a meal) and witness yourself becoming One-Sheet-Shane on the throne in 3 days.

and probably a shave

Honestly, being constipated has always been good for not having a messy ass. It’s being regular or having diarrhea that is messy.

It’s the only way I can finger myself without it being gay

If "red" rhymes with "bidet" you're highly American

You are a master of imagery.

You don't have to wipe like you're trying to get peanut butter out of carpet.

I lol’d

I'm not gonna pressure wash my tush, that's a terrible metaphor! Too much power!

Bidet is the obvious way to do it right. Japanese toilet second, but if you can-t go at home, at least use moist TP towelettes, and don-t flush them! Throw them in the waste bin!

Fwiw, there are portable "bidets"

They aren't exactly a proper bidet, they're just bottles with a nozzle. Some of them you can't even carry the water in it, you have to be able to access water where you're going (so, not great for camping usually, or portajohns).

But they do a decent job for the most part. Enough to at least reduce how much wiping is needed.

Now, THIS is min-maxing!

Yeah, this is simply a skill issue.

Our public bathrooms often have bidet showers.

Like every bathroom will have at least one stall with one. Newer gas stations will have one in each.

This isn't rocket surgery, people

Idk man I'm a bit hungover and I didn't even try to mentally follow your arsewipe-origami.

Psyllium husks are the best!

I wipe homo pathetically, I'll leave the details to your imagination.

0.5 mm²of what? 0.5 MM² OF WHAT??

Hawk tuah

A one night stand told me she does this after admiring my bidet. I found it very animalistic. Haven't tried this method, but now that you've reminded me I'll give it a go the next time I'm forced to use a public restroom.

Most bathrooms have sinks, you can just wet some toilet paper if there's no bidet.

After the fourth wipe it starts falling apart.

Don't flush them no matter what the packaging says, though.

I suspect is might be too much fibre in this case .

4chan has always been filled with shitposters.

It's the most intellectual activity they engage in.

Moving to Finland was the best thing for my my butt. So clean.

Spit on that thang.

Why? The toilet is literally right there.

This is much better advice than the bidet, though it's not a bad purchase certainly. Buying a bidet is just treating the symptoms, not solving the problem.

anon means that he wiped so frequently that the skin of his butthole wore away (and the paper still came back shitty)

If a man has frequent anal fissures or hemorrhoids, it may very well be the Salads causing it.

For some reason, some men of European descent lose the ability to digest raw vegetables completely.

Yes. You just use this to blast water into your colon until it's sparkling clean inside. I love it.

A watering can? Like, for plants?

Please don't use a scrubber against your asshole. A washcloth you throw in the laundry after, or just your hands with lots of soap before and after is fine. You're not going to awake any forbidden desires, you're just making sure your body is clean.

But then everyone doesn't have a 3% chance 🤔 /s

Two knuckles deep or what?

Waffle stomp of power!!

Unfortunately flushable wipes are not flushable. If you actually read on the packaging what they mean by flushable they just mean that they are saying it won't clog your specific pipes.

however will not properly break down in the sewer and absolutely do still cause giant clogs that sewer workers have to manually tear apart. Which I mean makes sense just think about it a wet wipe literally has to be wet from the moment it's created and packaged while it sits in the store and after it gets to you and still be usable. It obviously doesn't break down in water or else it would just be debris by the time you opened it.

Save yourself some money and see where workers some stress get a bidet you can get really really nice super fancy ones that have heated seating heated water and a bunch of different stuff from Home Depot for like $300 or you can get one of the really cheap here is essentially just a spray head connected to water

'flushable' wipes aren't flushable bro

Fair enough. Just be sure that the wipes really are "flushable". I mean, you can flush basically anything - but most things are bad for your plumbing and for the wider sewage system. My understanding is that if the wipe doesn't break apart easily when it is wet, then it is not suitable for flushing.

In Australia, I noticed a heap of different 'flushable' wipe products vanished after new regulations were introduced. Actually, I don't recall see any such products at all recently.

Second verse, same as the first. Flushable wipes aren't flushable, but I also completely agree with you that they're the only wiping tech that works!

Bidet at home, and I carry a small pack of flushable wipes in the vehicles. If I have an issue and must use a public restroom (avoid at all costs, because ew) I take the pack of wipes and a small bag with me into the restroom. Throw the used wipe in the bag, throw it away when done. The bags come from a roll of those bags you use to pick up dog poop. Hell, when we were in Mexico, all the restrooms, including at the hotel, had signs saying not to flush regular toilet paper, to throw it away. Not such a stretch after that! Lol

I've got to be honest I've just perfected the art of wiping my backside.

Looks expensive and wasteful.

or have a bidet