Especially when the worst that could happen is nothing which is exactly what's going to happen if OP says no. Literally can't go backwards no matter what, but it's possible they could go forward.
Well...unless something psycho happens, I guess. Then OP will suffer greatly, go very backward, traumatised for life etc. etc. etc...
Nah, they'll be fiiiine.
Hell no. Fuck being controlled.
This isn't "being controlled". Yes, the dad should have asked first, but it's just a date for someone who seems to want to go on dates. That's just being helpful in the wrong way.
You can't tell that from one text exchange. Yes, it's possible, but it's also possible that they're just trying to motivate their son to try something new.
It's only being controlling if there's a pattern and you acquiesce. We don't know that's the case.
It isn't being controlled if you don't go.
Otherwise you're being a good little dog who does as he's told.
Edit: lots of mutts in the comments below.
This is a petulant way to approach life, and perfectly fits the idiom "throwing the baby out with the bath water".
It is possible to set boundaries without being deliberately contrarian and resistant to any form of outside pressure.
IMO the best possible solution here is to refuse to speak further about it with their dad, but go on the date and have a great time hanging out with a random stranger for a little bit.
To put it more simply: if you're hungry and I bring you sandwich and demand that you eat it, telling me "leave the sandwich, I'll eat it if I want, but I'm not giving you the satisfaction of knowing or seeing me eat it because of how you approached me" is the smart move.
No, if you don't go because someone set it up for you, you're still letting yourself be controlled.
If you go because you want to go, you're not being controlled.
Hey man, you should be happy and live your best life. Do things that make you happy with people you love.
Hahahaha, now if you do it, you're just doing what I told you to do like a little lapdog. Stupid sheep.
Go on the date, have fun, spend dad's money. When he asks, tell him it was great and she spent all night pegging you in the arse and her side dude joined in. Then ask him for more money so you can do drugs together.
"Thanks for the introduction, dad. Turns out her fursona is a well-hung platypus, just like I always wanted!"
😂
👆
I’m 54 and I’ve realized you can meet people in the weirdest places sometimes. She might be a very nice girl. Worst case scenario is you have a bad blind date. If he keeps doing it it might be a problem but humor him at least once.
I mean it's a bit odd, but fuck it man it's a date. You go out and have fun. If you're not into it you pull the plug after 15 min.
Honesty we all need a kick in the ass sometimes to go out and do shit.
I don't know your relationship with your dad, but if you two are on good terms and trust each other than this is actually kinda cool.
Have fun and enjoy.
Good people spend way too much time worrying about being embarrassed.
Take it, show up clean, well dressed, wearing just a hint of something that smells good.
Do something fun and engaging. This isn't a girlfriend, this isn't a perspective girlfriend, this is you, going out to do something fun. Your goal is to have a shared fun experience with the other person. If it turns into more, Great. If it doesn't turn into more you had fun.
Your primary goal is to not make a bad impression everything else is left to the wind.
edit: that message (like most of my messages) was dictated and not ready by gboard, I'll leave the error there to spread the joy.
comment every now and then. Have a real opinion, people!
(I mean things like enjoying Nickelback or hating dogs. No bigotry)
I have a perspective girlfriend. She sees things I do not. That's why we get along.
I have a periscopic girlfriend. She sticks her little eyeball up the to the surface so I can stay under the water cruising along and fire nukes and kill the Russians and Germans
You’re a lucky man
I would be mad, but, I'd also say go. Honestly when I was about 19, my mom more or less did this, in short she spent weeks talking up a hair dresser friend at church, commented that she played D&D, Eventually arranged for me to join her, and get a hair cut.
I talked with her, didn't really go anywhere, From my understanding the girl afterwards kind of responded to my mom something along the lines of "I know you are hoping I'd be your son's future wife but that's not where I am in life right now", and all the embarassment went on my mom for that.
So yeah, if you ask me, give it a shot, if it sucks, you've got solid standing to tell your dad not to do that shit again, if it's good, maybe something good can come from it.
Probably Indian arranged date. He will need to marry her on third date
I agree with the other comments, go out on the date. Dad says your complaining that you can't find a girl to go out with, why are you worried that he's found someone? Afraid they are some horrid person with a crappy personality and a face like a bowl of Spaghetti? Imagine how she is feeling. Now you have something to talk about.
Now you have something to talk about.
Spaghetti?
That is the way. For some 😭😂😂
Oh that’s awesome
If he found her on Craigslist you’d really have to question
This way,
… (if she cute enough, if she’s met that baseline for your monkey brain to want to get to know her personality—nothing shallow intended btw just reality of human attraction) …
sounds like one to YOLO full send to me baybeeeeeee let us know!! 💪
After I got my first girlfriend, now wife, through a dating site at 25, I found out later that her best friend's mom and my best friend's mom are friends, and we only found out because the two of them just happened to be talking on the phone and got on the topic of how people in their lives had recently found love, then realized they were talking about the same couple. The connection may have been a little late for me and my wife, since we'd already gotten together, but it would've been a great match otherwise.
My friend himself met his wife through a recommendation from his pastor, whose niece was also a shut-in who loved manga and anime; you might as well take the opportunities that come along. It might not work out, but the only way to get good at asking people out and dating is to ask people out and date.
how would you feel if your parent arranged a date for you without discussion or consent, and posed it in such a condescending way? The parent is communicating contempt and violating boundaries, nothing about this seems acceptable...
How would I feel?
I'd be upset about the tone, he's speaking a little condescendingly in my opinion
Being a bit cheeky lol, but I can expand.
If my parents did this to me I'd be furious, but I also have always had this teenager-like aversion to everything my parents do even into my 30s. Whenever I do anything that reminds me of my parents it sends me into a bit of a spiral. Even when they're good things my parents do. My parents are nice, good people. Like I'll notice myself being helpful to people like my dad does and I'll be angry that I'm being like him (it's not quite that general, it's not like general altruism makes me angry lol).
It's also really difficult for me to know exactly how I'd react in this scenario because I've been with my partner for over half of my life now and we got together in high school.
So I've never really not had a partner since I was 15 and I already hate everything my parents do for some reason and am cognizant that it's an unfair reaction.
Another thing I know is that some older folks (gen x and older) tend to communicate differently, especially over texts like SMS, than younger folks (millennial and younger). So I try to account for OP being 22, assume they were 25ish when they had OP so they're 47ish. People I've talked to in that age range tend to seem more cold over text without meaning to. (An example, just replying a 👍 seems rude or sarcastic, but it is somewhat typical from them and they don't mean anything by it.)
So when I read this, I try to get rid of my innate aversion to my parents, imagine myself feeling desperate and unloved, and try to be very gracious in my interpretation of the text. When I do all those it, at worst, seems like a weird thing to do unprompted. But I have no idea how OP's father talks to them outside of texts. I don't know what their relationship is like. I don't know if this is violating boundaries because I don't know what sort of boundaries they have. There are even cultures where this sort of thing is more normal and I don't know if OP belongs to any of those cultures or a culture like what I grew up in where it's not normal.
Maybe the circumstances on how that date came to be aren't ideal and you should talk about that with your dad. But I think you should still go on that date and gather some experience. Don't see it is something potentially romantic, but as a chance to find a new friend. That will go a long way in terms of socializing and normalizing hanging out with women. And who knows who you might meet through her?
Fucking do it! Worst case you get a little better at dating. I'm 37 and have had 3 girlfriends (and 1 ex wife) in my life and dating is miserable.
Being a companion to someone takes work and the earlier you can practice the better imo.
Pressuring grown child to do something they might be entirely uncomfortable with. Amazing
oh no think of the children, pressure kills
Should have asked first.
If I was single I wouldn't have really minded if my parents set me up. But I would have liked full transparency that they were going to.
I feel like his heart is kind of in the right place but the execution is slightly wrong.
Although honestly, just go for it and let him would be my advice
Honestly the tone is kinda condescending but if this is the start of your dating life, OP would never think about this again.
I am kinda jealous OP. I am not saying this way of communication deserves an award but you are 22. In the end my dating life turned out OK but personally I wished I started sooner. Just give it a go. You will learn so much.
But that is not the point. Meeting people is fun, dating even more so. Like, the best. Don't forget to have fun!
yeah embarrassed for your dad. "evolve" wtf. this is too little context, but this can range from your dad genuinely caring about you("complain you're unable to find girls") but the execution isn't great, to just wanting to push you into doing certain things. This definitely requires a conversation with your dad about boundaries.
On another note, if you are trying to find people to date, you should figure why things aren't working there, and see how you can improve your chances ( are you well kept? are you comfortable talking to new people? do you expose yourself to new people in order to both meet new people and also practice talking to new people? )
No, he's an asshole. I'd punch him in the face and break contact for a while.
He hooked.him.up.with a goodlooking 27-year-old.
Reacting badly to good things is neurotic.
It still feels like that's crossing a boundary, i don't know how you feel about that. I do recommend practicing socializing. Go to bars, events, etc. and just try to make conversation with people. Yeah you may start off being awkward, but you'll get more comfortable as you practice.
It still feels like that's crossing a boundary
That's because it is.
But sometimes crossing a boundary can be a good thing after all.
No, no way should you be embarrassed. One of my kids asked if I would matchmaker her and I said no way, but it's not that weird, if he knows someone he thinks you would like, to introduce you.
I found "dates" intimidating like interviews, but really this is a night out on your dad's money- think about it like if his friends kid was in town and he asked you to go show her the town while she was there, right?
Something like this used to be the norm for centuries. Do it, even just to see if our ancestors were onto something 😄
My biggest problems here are the phrases "no objections" and "evolve".
"No objections" is unhealthily controlling. You absolutely can object, and it's gross that he seems to think you can't.
"Evolve" makes it sound like people who don't go on dates are somehow not as human as the rest of society, and are not doing what they're "supposed" to be doing. I don't like that either. It strikes me as being in the same vein as how you're "supposed" to be heterosexual, and get married, and have children. Because that's what "normal" humans do.
If those two phrases weren't in the response, I'd find the situation weird, but not overall objectionable.
It's your dad's attitude toward you that feels wrong, not the date itself.
There's nothing wrong with pressuring your loved ones a bit - especially as a parent. I read it in a loving, paternal tone rather than a demanding, controlling one. Of course, if it was literal it'd be problematic.
The guy is complaining about not being able to find girls - so I wouldn't read too much into it either.
Well, I don't see the flags anyway. We don't know these two people or what their relationship is like.
Maybe not the best word choices. But I don't think they're problems without knowing more about their relationship. Sometimes parenting you have to be hard and direct. You don't always give choices, now I know they are 22 and that makes it a little weird. But parenting doesn't exactly stop when someone turns 18.
And "evolve" wouldn't have been so strange if it were replaced with "grow". It sounds more like "push yourself out of your comfort zone."
Well maybe not. The “no objections” is just him setting him up to give it a shot and not wussing out. And the “evolve”… not sure about you guys but I’m significantly different than I was at 22….
I’m not super fond of the phrasing either but I think his heart is in the right place.
While I understand your point, I think it's unwise to read too much into the language very close people may use. I have forever called my wife "Gorda" which is "Chubby" in English even thought she is not and has never been chubby, it's a nickname she loves.
Same with my son and daughter, we have all sorts of pet names and inside joke language which won't be understood by anyone outside of our circle without explanation.
Ultimately, language is no different from physical contact... I rough house my grown kid to show him love (and probably to see if I still have it hahahaha) but I'd never dare do that at work (very on the nose example, but you get my point I hope)
i think "no objections" is a bit tongue-in-cheek maybe, or at least that's how i use the phrase. like if you say "let's go on a trip and have fun, no objections" :P they can obviously object, but it's a figure of speech that they shouldn't object because you think it's fine or sth. maybe that's a matter of dialect and local slang though :D
fair points. I kind of like them just because of the context that the kid has been complaining about being single. I feel like I did that one time before I realized that people don't give you other people to date. or if they do, that's actually weird. but I think being told to evolve was even gentler than the language that was used to communicate to me that I needed to grow and be a person who anyone would want to be alone with (let alone date).
As a father of sons who are nearly undatable, I would like to offer some thought.
The father here is probably worried for his sons future and happiness. He didn't set up a date for no reason.
His choice of words are not awesome, but I understand being exhausted by ones progeny. Without an understanding of the relationship, making a judgement is a wild shot in the dark.
If OP wants to bail out of the date, they will. I would qualify this as weird but so is eating sushi, it is still good though.
My guess of “no objections” is that the girl is experiencing a date, it’s not cool to stand people up.
It's a dick move but the woman seemed to have agreed on her part so she doesn't find it embarrassing. And don't take it out on her if there is a date. Maybe the date is awkward, maybe it's fun. No harm there at least.
Notes? They've already got 5 "different" scripts, and two are half way through filming...
Honestly your dad is doing you a favor. Probably going to be awkward but it might get you out of your slump to go on a shitty date and see that it's not so bad. Or you might hit it off and it will be good. I think you should go. Worst case scenario you have a bad date and a good story out of it.
My stepson is likely a 37 yeast old virgin.
Don't be like my stepson.
Get a haircut, take a shower, go out on a date. When you are with her ask her on another. Take the chance to see where things go. If you don't before you know it you will be someone's 40 year old virgin.
yeast old virgin.
Ew.
Look some people keep sourdough starter for generations. Just because they don't necessarily make sourdough for 37 years with it is no reason to shame people for their hobbies. /s
Fun fact there's an ancient sourdough yeast that is thought to be several thousands of years old. It's not a virgin though and gets around quite a lot!
Shit, I'm nearly a 40yr yeast virgin. I've never been able to get a bun in an oven, probably because I have no culture.
Who fucked the yeast?
I do imagine though that after a certain point it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Dating after the age of 25 is really awful, a lot of the people that age have already been in a relationship and have baggage. Some of that baggage walks around asking for juice.
Honestly, I found dating in my late 20s early 30s to be the best. Everyone's been in a few relationships, people are starting to get their shit figured out, folks generally have some disposable income etc. Yeah, some folks have baggage but others had baggage from family, high school or whatever else and some have worked through it.
Late 30s onwards, there's a lot of "I've been to 4 weddings this summer, when is it myyyyyyyyy turn!" Or on the 2nd date, "let's make a baby!"
I skipped the early twentis and mid entirely. Mow terrified, horrified, and wondering if I should just like go army or something and make it my life.
No reason to feel embarrassed here. I would be a little mad/annoyed, your dad seems like he can be a dick. It's a nice gesture but he didn't say it in a nice way. Sure, you could just not go, but I would recommend going. Even if it doesn't work out it's an opportunity to get more comfortable talking to a woman, which is something I've definitely struggled with. I'll be watching for an update!
Femcel Destroyed By Progressive Loving Father
You? No. It's not something you did.
Personally I find this fucked up. Especially the way it's written, but I can't expect anything else from someone who sets up dates for others without their permission.
This is not the same as buying you some snacks that were on sale, but seems to be taken as lightly from him.
I imagine the comments here would be quite different if you were a woman.
If you feel comfortable with it, then go ahead. But keep in mind you don't know how it's arranged on the other side, and the other party may not. Well, just the usual "be nice".
I'd be really interested to know about the logistics of this. Did he arrange this with the girls family or with her directly, both weird, but in different ways.
Although I suppose it can't be any worse than online dating.
Blind dates have been a thing for hundreds of years. It's not that strange. The dad is just being an ass about it.
I’d wager thousands of years
Well, I shorted the timeframe as to exclude arranged marriages. Although it's still a thing today.
the dad is being denigrating, but don't you also feel it's a violation to set up a date without consent or discussion first? The dad seems so toxic in his behavior and it's not surprising to read he is also controlling and "dominant".
The thing with online dating is, that you never even reach the stage of actually going on a date.
OP are you going to go?
If so please update us on how it went etc. I'd at least want to know what she looks like, being attracted to someone is important
!RemindMe 24h
don't think that bot exists, but I'll try to remember to follow up if you do feel like sharing
The date's Friday
I thought today was Thursday 😭😭😭
Edit, oh wow that would still make my reminder wrong, my brain isn't braining today
Me too
Did you get her pics yet?
So you got the pics, then.
quality assurance
These comments are weird AF to me. If I was your age and my dad gave me a "no objections" blind date, I'd fuck off right then. Personally because I never wanted my parents to meddle in my love life, but I would also not talk about it with them.
If you want to go on random dates with women for the sake of it, and you're okay reinforcing this behavior from your dad, sure do it. Make sure you spend a shit ton of money so he thinks twice next time he gives you a "no objections" obligation.
But if you have no interest in blind dating I don't see a reason why you should do it.
Completely agree. Dad is totally overstepping here, it's none of his business whether OP arranges dates or not.
I'd refuse to go on the date out of general principle.
Agreed, if you want a relationship with somebody you should be the one to seek them out. Not let mommy and daddy setup a date for you.
And i feel you are not the only person whoms parents are a little to nosey. Ive been in 4 relationships and they all ended up not working out. Purely because my parents are a bit of a handful and are just a tad overbearing, aswell as extremely pious.
Life is not an anime/hallmark movie. Your not gonna get text message or phone call from a random stranger thats madly in love with you. Which if that does happen there probably batshit crazy and you should touch them with a 10 foot pole. But i digress, people need to learn how to interact with other people rather if thats a romantic sense or a friendship. In any healthy relationship it requires work, from both partys.
And REMEMBER FELLAS, dont put your steamed hams in crazy 👌👌👌```
His communication is harsh and demeaning towards you but he seems to be trying to help and care for you. All he knows is the life he has lived, sometimes people have a hard time imagining what you’ve gone through. Do what you want! I wouldn’t be too embarrassed. Parents and loved ones have helped each other out throughout all of time. Like others have said, just be polite and close the relationship if it’s a bad match!
harsh and demeaning towards you
Blunt and straightforward is not the same as harsh and demeaning. The father is explaining why he is doing it and how it is addressing the son's complaints and behaviors.
It is also people inserting their own assumptions of intent and the father/son relationship, including myself.
I read it as a helpful parent addressing something their child has complained about while reinforcing the need to change when the current approach isn't working. I've used something along the line with 'no objections' when trying to help my teenager do the things she wants to do but keeps talking herself out of trying.
The exact same language coming from a controlling parent would have completely different meaning based on context. Looking at a comments, a few definitely had controlling parents or parents who didn't accept they were asexual/gay and kept trying to set them up with a gender they had no interest in, possibly reading 'unable to find girls' as the son's way of deflecting encouragement to date a gender they aren't interested in based on personal experience.
It really is wild how people can read the same words and interpret them completely differently based on personal experience influencing assumptions.
I'm definitely imagining my own father in this example. Is a grumpy ex military sort, so god knows who he would think would be a good date but I can't imagine they would be.
He only ever texts me when he wants something, so if he sent me a message like this he would definitely mean that I literally have to do what he was saying. It wouldn't be encouragement, it would be an instruction he expected to be followed. He wouldn't think of it as being controlling though, he actually would think he was been helpful.
Telling a 22 year old he can’t object and the sentiment of “fine, I’ll find girls for you” comes across to ME as harsh and demeaning. If my father or a fellow adult texted me like that, I would feel demeaned and that the language was a bit harsh and could be softened. Thanks for your opinion!
No, you shouldn't be embarrassed.
I mean, it probably wont work out unless your dad has a good eye for matchmaking but it is worth a shot. Plus its like he is suggesting a chance to grow as a person.
Part of me wishes my dad had done this but I know he'd be a terrible matchmaker for me. Though again, at least I probably would have learned from it.
I think it's normal to feel a little embarrassed over parents who don't respect your autonomy at age 22, but other than that no reason to feel down: life is good if this is your biggest problem.
Your dad’s weird af but no downside in trying it out.
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don't want your damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with these?!
Can I squeeze them on seafood instead?
Okay young one, we have a few things to get through.
First, you should feel whatever you do feel. It's not as embarrassing to have your parents help you than you might think. You're in your early 20s, which means most of your life experience comes from when you were a child and embarrassing parents were a social death sentence. You're an adult now and to a lot of older adults stuff like that becomes insignificant compared to other things. That said if you feel embarrassed, you feel embarrassed, there is no should to feelings.
Two, I suggest you tell your Dad that you appreciate what he's trying to do, and that you'll go on the date (because I think you should). You need to tell him that doing this without keeping you in the loop made you feel uncomfortable. He's trying to help and it comes from a good place but the execution was a little off.
If he doesn't listen or it still feels wrong you have to tell him that too and ask him to stop. Still I suggest you try it out.
Third, go easy on yourself. Finding a partner is not easy, and at your age you're going to make mistakes, big ones but that's okay. That's what living is. Just make sure you don't an STI or you or someone else pregnant. Unless future you is trying to have a kid, in which case good luck!
🌻
How much do you trust your father? This could go great or terrible. She could be a friend's daughter who he genuinely thought would be a catch, or she could be a prostitute he's trying to use to manipulate you. You'd be in a better place to know.
No.
My mother and her friend set her daughter and me up. We were teens. We hit it off, and were a thing for over 2 years. I moved away, and we tried the long distance thing, but it didn't work out (Duh!).
She's one of the best things that's happened in my life. Smart, sweet, funny, so, so cute, with an edge when appropriate...
Go along. If you don't hit it off, well, so what. You aren't getting married. Just don't go with preconceptions, or expectations. Just expect to have a good time. Worst case is "Ok, see ya"
Also, break the ice with "Isn't this cringy AF?!" or something like that.
"Isn’t this cringy AF?!"
I'd be careful with that one, we don't know the context in which this arranged date was set up. Was it between each of their parents, or was it with the 27 year old and OP's dad? It could be potentially taken as an insult depending on what we don't know.
I agree with everything else though. Just go have a fun night. Maybe she'll be cool, maybe she'll be a weirdo, but go have a fun night, eat some good food, watch a movie, whatever. If nothing else, learn what not to do for future dates with someone you actually do care about.
If she's 27 I'm going to assume they are also around that age. I'd already moved out of the house by that point but unless you're really rich or lucky you're probably still fairly reliant on your parents. Most people these days aren't getting their own place until their mid 30s
It's a uhhh, metaphor. Not actually about housing but about being forced to learn a new skill (in this case, dating.) The more common expression/metaphor would be "thrown into the deep end."
Hahahaha. It's just a date mate, why not go for it?
Its more typical to be introduced to partners through social media or friends than from family where I live but all sorts of cultures do it in all sorts of ways. You set your own boundaries. If you feel like your dad is overstepping there are plenty of ways to go about it. Parents are naturally concerned for their kids and the world we live in pushes young people to stay at home longer and push back starting a family. That can be very concerning for parents who grew up without such socioeconomic pressures.
Typically the way I go about things with my parents (and all people in general) is I don't mention things I don't want them involved with.
I would just try to go to study the kind of woman who would listen to your dad like that? It seems weird lol. Try to befriend her
getting a girlfriend isn't about being dominant, even if being charismatic usually would be helpful, it's also not required
you shouldn't feel pressured to get a girlfriend unless you want one, and you certainly shouldn't be pushed into a relationship on someone else's terms
I don't think you should feel embarrassed, but I would understand if you felt angry - your autonomy is being violated, and ironically your dad is only enabling and promoting the behavior he seems to be judging you for. Either way, I'm sorry you were put in this situation, you shouldn't have to deal with this.
Then do that. Like, you can see the solution. It's right there. Just be more charming and charismatic and confident. Will it take time and effort and embarassment? Yes. But then you come out the other side a better person. And also, you'll have a girlfriend.
Should you feel embarrassed no.
Parents introducing their kids to romantic partners has happened since the dawn of time.
The difference here is how you are being told about it.
The hardest part of parenting is figuring out when the kid needs a hug, a challenge or just a swift kick in the ass.
This looks to me like a parent providing for his kid.
It would upset me, but holy crap what a topic for the first half an hour of the date. Will get you right through the awkward phase!
"So, wild story, my dad set this date. Can you believe this crap? I have no idea what he put in my profile, hopefully nothing too cringe.. He wrote I love trains??? FFS you make ONE model train when you're 12, and you're a 'train girl' forever. Honestly I almost no-show, but you didn't deserve being stood up.. Anyway, wanna vent about stupid shit your parents did?"
next to each other are their respective parents, acting as chaperones
I don't know why someone downvoted your comment. Setting up a date for someone WITHOUT ASKING is not acceptable.
Getting angry when someone helps you is neurotic.
Let me help you cross this road .
Look at what might happen: say you go on a date, you like each other. Maybe you end up together, maybe for just a while, maybe for a long time or you get married. Do you really care why or how you met then?
Even if the opposite happens, so you go on a date, you don't really get along or aren't each other's type. What did you lose? An afternoon or an evening? And you (probably) still get some nice conversations out of it, or just "experience" in dating. Not really a big loss either.
It's hard enough to find someone. Take any chance you can get, no matter how much of a long shot it may be. You said in some comment that he has a "wide social circle" or something like it. I would be glad he managed to use that for you in this way. If it doesn't work out, nothing of value was lost (if anything it might be embarrassing for him in his social circle, I don't know). If it does work out literally everyone just wins.
Your old man knows what he's doing. She's 27.
Go on the date, try and be cool. Let her do most of the talking. Given the age gap, it probably won't ever be anything serious.
However, she's 27. You're getting laid on the first or second date as long as you don't turn her off. She's looking to get lucky.
Cut your fingernails, shave your balls, keep some gum or mints in your pocket. Bring rubbers. Be cool.
Damn skippy! Your old man is taking care of you, even if the delivery was rough.
If your hobbies/pastime are mostly gaming, don't talk about it much other than a casual mention. Do talk about books, if you read and she's receptive. Assuming US, try and stay away from politics, unless your dad tells you her political orientation; and even then just insult Trump. Talk about pets, animals, hiking/camping/outdoors. Some science talk can be good. Let her lead.
Kiss her when she gives you the look, you'll know the look. It will make you very nervous. Do it anyways. Go with her when she asks, "you want to get out of here?" Suggest her place if you need to.
When it gets down to the get down, let her lead. Check in and ask if she likes what you're doing. It's okay to be inexperienced, she'll be expecting it and will accept it as long you're teachable. If you pop early, laugh, make fun of yourself. Very important, say something like, "welp, at least I'm 22, gimme like 15 minutes and we can try again.'
Kiss her when she gives you the look, you'll know the look.
they probably don't know the look.. I would ask her if it'd be OK to kiss her.
no-one wants to be unwelcomely violated
Lemmy sometimes. It's like a basic human thing. Someone gives you the look, you get closer, they get closer, you gently touch lips and then go from there. Some of this functions at the level of biology. You can actually see the other's pupils dilate. We're not talking random heavy tounge kissing and groping or negotiating kinky sex.
Try to relax, have fun, and even if you don’t want to be there, fake it til you make it.
You may feel awkward or strange about this but yer old man’s doing you a solid.
Worst case, you’ll have a great story.
gussy
The internet has rotted my brain.
My mom did this. She went into the post office where a woman who I went to school with many, many years ago was now working and asked her out in front of everyone. I wasn’t there, but she told me about it and I legit felt embarrassed.
Thankfully the woman was nice about it and did go out with me on one date but politely declined a second date. She was very kind and nice and made, what I think, was the best attempt to legitimately give me a chance at a date but we just weren’t compatible to her and that’s fine.
Say that to say, it’s perfectly normal to feel embarrassed because parents asking out someone for their child (for lack of a better term as you are an adult) is weird and abnormal.
But if you’re up for it, go for it. This can be both embarrassing and a real opportunity to find someone nice. Hopefully she’s nice like my date was and can give you a real chance.
But if you don’t want to, that’s fine too. Everyone moves at their own pace and your dad needs to respect that. Regardless whether this works out for you (and her) or not or if you decide not to go, he needs to respect you moving at your own pace and making decisions when you want to move and when you don’t. And if he wants to help, he should respect you by asking you or waiting for you to ask him for help.
Don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself.
Because you can't get a girlfriend, or because this is your dad?
There's nothing here that indicates OP is not interested.
Depends on how much complaining the OP does. If he is always moping about girls then he has no right to tell the parents to butt out. Because he is burdening them with negativity - so they have the right to try make things better.
If he mentioned it once in six months in passing, now that's a different matter.
Yeah, how much OP actually complains about this is kind of a big factor here.
I run up against something similar with a few of my friends. They spend a lot of time complaining that they're bored and lonely, but no matter how many invites you throw their way, they never seem to make any effort to follow through with any plans. They say they're interested, but they never let you know when they're available, or they don't show up, or they come up with flimsy excuses, etc.
And there are times I really wish I could force some of them to just show up to something so they'd stop complaining.
Having a social life is hard, I get it, we all only have so much time, energy, money, etc. shit comes up, we have other obligations, we all like to just veg out on the couch sometimes
But if you're not willing to put forth even a little effort to follow through on plans, rearrange some things, inconvenience yourself a little, at some point you kind of lose the right to complain.
And it's not that you're not allowed to complain about it once in a while. But at some point, it's just not fair to the people you're complaining to if you're not actually making an effort to do something about it.
If the son has issue i'd say the good parenting would be to try to fix the son, not pass the burden to a random girl . Let's say OP is an incel constantly rambling about how feminism has ruined girl which prevent him from dating, i'd try to work on deconnecting him from internet and have social relation rather than find a girl that suit him.
Based largely on your self-stated lack of experience, I’d say it’s a good idea to just give it a whirl and see where things go, and see how you feel about it.
Embarrassed? No.
Annoyed/mad? Maybe a bit?
It does feel like its a boundary violation, and inconsiderate to both you and the woman to suprise, you and force a specifc date and time on you like that. At the same time, you didn't do anything wrong, and if the opportunity has presented itself, and you are interested in dating, its still worth it to go.
Why be embarrassed? I am 33 and never had a girlfriend, I would welcome someone trying to set me up.
Your dad found you a date and is willing to pay for it. Like some sort of reverse-pimp. Pimpzarro.
I say go for it. I'm more of the "I hope they cancel so that I can wallow and spiral alone at home" kind of people, but I loved dating at your age. Primarily because it was an opportunity to possibly gain a friend and you might make someone's night better by just being yourself.
And if they wholly reject you as a person, you can brush it off as "dates are awkward to begin with, I'm sure I started with a disadvantage." And then learn from that. If y'all decide to be friends instead, you can ask her what parts of the date she liked and how you could improve your next date.
Everyone's talking about how the worst she can do is say no. I disagree. The worst she can do is want a second date because then you have to charge up your social battery for that. Sometimes, though, you find someone who's worth tapping into your social battery, and sometimes, it just comes naturally and you find someone who makes you feel like you can be you.
Lol
Man, if my parents set me up on a blind date with a woman Id be beyond thrilled.
If you mean should you be embarrassed about being set up on a date by your parent then no, as others have pointed out in these comments it's been happening since the dawn of time. I'm 38 and I'd love to be set up on a date by my parents or frankly anyone. But I think I'd find not being consulted about it a bit annoying.
Embarassed, no. Pissed off? That's up to you. For me, I'd be both happy that someone gives a fuck about me and highly scepticle that my dad would be able to set me up with a woman that I wouldn't hate. Most people piss me off. Then again I don't get out much and I tend to interact with the worst of humanity.
Bro your dad is the best! The communication sounds like a dick move, but in between the letters I find nothing but love from your dad. Look, things were different when he was your age.
I mean, let's be honest, there is a very very small chance you'll find the love of your life with this date. But as others said, this could be a kick start to a much more fun life. Just enjoy it! Who knows what doors this experience will open for you!
Yes, but still go
A free meal and possibly good company. I would take a shot at it for sure!
My dad tried setting me up, I wasn't even single but I think he was projecting.
That's funny. Sounds like you guys have a good relationship. My dad and I don't have this dynamic at all
I think a lot of people here are missing the point. It’s not whether the child of this guy can go on the date or not. It’s that the father is being an asshole. My mom would do this shit to me all the time. I never went on any of the dates but it was still annoying as hell.
You're gonna be like Captain Hook. Old. Alone. Done for.
IMO the dad was trying to help and offered to pay.
might as wel give it a go and see where it takes you.
if this was the 3rd or 4th time with no luck than that's probably a different story.
Honestly, a bit fucked up your dad takes control over who you date and spend time with. But as the others said, you can atleast go there for a free meal and hopefully make a new friend. I do understand the weird pressure this would put on you though. I hope all goes well, and dont feel pressure to pursue a relationship if youre not feeling it. Your dad cant be the deciding factor in that
Dad: "I'm introducing you to a cute girl and handing you a wade of money to spend the day having fun."
Me: "This is the worst thing that has ever happened to anyone."
It's not as uncommon as you'd think. People are relying on their parents more than ever, and parents who are willing to help are using this as an opportunity to provide help with strings attached.
Fake shit. People don't give context clues while texting when both parties already know the full story. Also, brand new account.
So yes, you should be embarrassed that so little happens in your boring ass life that you have to make shit up on the internet.
Everyone in this thread should be embarrassed for not being able to recognize fake shit.
Embarrassed? My dude, you should be angry. I'm sure your dad's coming from a good place but he's still running roughshod over your agency and free will by doing this. This is pretty close to abject disrespect of your choices (and possibly hers).
You need to nip this in the bud and make it clear you won't tolerate being pushed around like this. Time to show some of that steel spine, buddy.
Personally I'd be pissed off to be honest. It's none of his business and this is crossing boundaries.
Being set up with random women you've never met and he himself likely barely knows is very unlikely to be successful. He's also aggressive and rude about it. Why is he so angry you're single?
This isn't about the random date, this is about the way your dad treats you. You're 22, not a child, it's none of his business. How you react to this determines how he behaves in the future - if you don't want him doing this again you need to tell him where to go.
Absolutely agreed. I'd probably be on no speaking terms with my dad if he pulled that. It shows a complete lack of interest in the son, as he thinks it's an opportunity issue as opposed to possibly anything else going on. He just wants to dump a shitty solution and call it a day because he "did his parenting job" so that he can absolve himself of anything to do with his son's lack of a dating life.
If anything I'd bet OP's upbringing by such toxic and careless parents is what's causing him to not have found someone yet.
So fuck the dad.
i would be a hypocrite if i said yes.
27 to 22 is not significant, get a grip
A 5 year gap in your 20s isn't significant. My wife and I met when we were each one year older than they are.
It's absolutely significant. Not to the point of being a deal breaker, but it is significant.
No, it really isn't.
thanks for using Leebra!
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